I found myself feeling for these people, for their lives and this is very odd but i always feel this way when i watch a really good movie or TV show. I relate to various people and i feel their pain. Sometimes i envy them. I used the word odd because in real life i could care less. I'm one of the most cold hearted people I've known. I'm fabulous at being cold and emotionless. I watch other people make their mistakes and i roll my eyes. I'm too smart to make those same mistakes i think. But then one part of me realises I'm just too cowardly to let things happen to me. I play it safe. My safe is a lot different from other people's safe but its still safe. I want all of these things but I'm too busy being me and in the process i think i might miss out on a lot of these things and these moments. I don't want a life of regrets like all the people i see around me but i don't want to regret not even trying. I surprise myself with my strength sometimes and at other times i feel like this isn't strength. Its just me being me and conveniently pushing things to the back of my head where i don't have to think about them anymore. I want to be hopeful but i don't want to be unrealistic. I don't want to be cynical but i cant help being that way. Sometimes i feel like I'm thinking about things way too early. I should be happy and giggly and willing to take risks now and i should leave the contemplation and regret for later...like when I'm forty or something. I don't know what i want. I know some of the things i don't want and you'd think that would make it easier. But sometimes i start questioning why i don't want certain things and then i start to rethink it and it only gets messier.
You think i might need to visit the loony bin sometime soon? I mean i watch a bloody movie and now I'm a professor of philosophy apparently.