Thursday, May 31, 2007

Tree stories

In tree news today I discovered this. Now I’m terrified that the next time I’m in Bangalore I won’t recognise MG Road. Where will all the dowwers doww? [If none of this is making any sense you didn’t click on the link.]

I have to admit I’m not really into nature. Wait that sounds terrible; what I mean is I’ve never been the watering my plants type. My dad still made me do it and I did it sulkingly. After all what was the maali being paid for?

Oh funny story about the maali. He liked to talk a lot except no one could understand a word he said because he spoke only Telugu. It was hysterical watching my dad and him try to communicate. He did a good job with the garden though because it turned out really pretty. In fact it was featured in a local newspaper recently and dad was thrilled.

Maali [and he has a name, I just can’t remember it] was very regular to work. He’d show up at the weirdest hours but he’d make it everyday. This one time I was talking to my friend on the phone and it was raining outside and I heard noises and I looked up and it was maali watering the plants holding an umbrella in the rain. It was like the funniest thing I’d ever seen. Okay it was not really THE funniest thing I’d ever seen but since when does one have to mean everything one says? A lot of times I just tell people what they want to hear in the hopes that they will leave me alone. Like if someone were to ask me if i thought they'd lost all their pregnancy weight I'd nod vigorously but that wouldn't necessarily mean that I meant it.

Now I can’t remember what the hell I was talking about. Oh yeah trees. They’re pretty no? Growing up we had 3 guava trees. One was the pink guava type and one was the white guava type [which my dad claims has no flavour. I liked it though with uppu khaara (chilli powder & salt)] and the third tree was kind of sad looking. It did give us plenty of shade. Ooh funny story. There were these school children who climbed the trees to try and steal guavas [which I didn’t really think was stealing] but anyway they did it all the time and they would thrown stones at the branches hoping a guava would fall down. This was normally around two thirty/threeish in the afternoon which apart from being school children freedom time was also dad’s afternoon nap time. So as you can guess this annoyed him. I heard that this one time [and I have absolutely no recollection of this having happened so I must have been really young] a bunch of school kids were climbing the tree and my uncle [who happens to be super mean] went outside and picked up their school bags which were on the ground and brought them inside the house. The poor kids were really scared when they found out and they begged him to give it back and they cried and he supposedly threatened to call the cops and one kid [again supposedly] started peeing his pants and then mean old uncle let them go. So that was my tree story.

Fun fact: The cricket ground at Kent had this big tree inside the playing area. It had been there forever and they got so attached to it that they decided to leave it standing. Every time a ball hit the tree it was an automatic boundary. Eventually the tree died and they did what anyone else would do … they planted a NEW TREE in its place.
[adorable tree story courtesy John Wright’s lovely book Indian Summers]

p.s Did you like my little tree drawing? I looked for a picture of a tree online but all the trees i found looked very i don't know western and i wanted a tree that looked like it was from Cubbon park.

I realise my tree doesn't really look like a tree. I took a poll around the office and i got ice cream? mushroom? feather? but no tree. Oh well this is the way i was taught to draw a tree so it will have to do for now.

Hmmm i wonder who i was in love with the week i made my email address...

I have this Yahoo account that i never use but occasionally I check in because i have one or two silly friends who insist on emailing me only on Yahoo. Today i tried to log in and of course i had forgotten my password so i tried to reset it, only i had to answer all these questions about myself first. I passed all the rounds until i got to the secret challenge question.

The question was "Who do i love?"

Now you have to remember i made this yahoo email address when i was 15 or 16 so i had to think back to 7 years ago and i did. I had this fun mini flashback and i tried entering in the names of all the boys i had had crushes on. There were a lot. I tried different spellings for each guy, special names i used for them when i discussed them with my friends.
Nothing worked.
Then just when i was about to give up i tried 'Rahul Dravid' and it let me change my password.

The end.

By the by i now have email for my blog so you can email me @ if you're too shy to leave a comment. Marriage proposals from fake Srilankan boys will not be entertained.

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Soupie quote

"Ugh Pri, she is so weird. I mean i find it unbelievable that a girl her age has never been attracted to a guy. And its not like she could be gay either. She doesnt have the imagination to be homosexual."

See this is why i love my friends.

Bahadur - the man behind the crotch digging

Name: Bahadur

Occupation: Traffic coordinator par excellence - Airlines Hotel, Bangalore

Sexual orientation: Bi-curious

Hobbies: Has been known to dig crotch in public during daytime; key lota player in Tivoli's night time band called Just nim Ulsoor lake

Favourite tagline: Reach out and touch someone

Chief activity: Controlling the parking situation in the three main sections of Airlines Hotel namely:

1)Lovers & Dowwers section

2) Family & Friends section

3) Narcotic dealers/politicians/pimps and ho's section

so as to prevent persons in one section from mixing with another section.

Friends: Astrologer swami and Assistant waiters

Services: 1) Will do sholam shaab on request

2) Will locate waiters and direct them towards your car

3) Will locate assistant waiters and instruct them to remove glass lotas and chutney/sambhar cups from on top of your car now that you have decided to exit the premises.

4) Will prevent random parkers [who like to make use of Airlines Hotel's free parking while choosing to hang out in Java city, Bangalore club etc] from illegally parking on the premises.

5)Will blow whistle magnificently whilst providing splendid reversing instructions

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Miss Universe wheeeeeeee

You can also read this here.

So Miss Universe was on last night. Did you watch? Did you? Did you? No???? Why? Cause you think it’s lame and derogatory to women? Or because its against your culture? You’re freakin insane! It is one of THE most entertaining shows ever!!!

I thrive on the clich├ęd speeches and the fake heart holding and the pretend confusion [read - stalling for time] while the translator is translating. I’ve watched these pageants since I was a kid; even before Rai and Sen won. It's also a fabulous way to discover new countries you never knew existed. Turks & Caicos – Really?

Also if you're lucky you might get to see someone trip. You wait with baited breath. It’s impossible you think, for all the 77 of them to make it across that super shiny floor in those high high heels and humongous dresses. Last night however was like winning the lottery. Miss USA didn’t just trip, she landed on her ass. It was the most hilarious thing I’ve ever seen. The crowd laughed and then booed when she was put through to the next round [sympathy vote? or maybe it was because every effing judge was an actor from some American TV show].

In the end Japan won the crown and i thought she completely deserved to win mostly becauase of her amazing ability to walk the way she did [Also because she was completely nuts.. but in a good way. She giggled and made strange faces but not like in a fake pageanty way] She did this amazing dance/walk thing during the swimsuit round while everyone else including Miss India walked like Zombies. [Seriously Pooja Gupta moved like a Zombie the whole time and then she suddenly turned around with this seductive look. It was absoulutely hilarious. It reminded me of the Zoolander look.] I’ll forgive her though since she was so pretty. And pretty people deserve another chance…you know like Paris Hilton. Free Paris Hilton! Free Paris Hilton!

Ooh also this year the National Costume round was wayyyyyyyyy more over the top than it normally is. It was like a Drag Show with wings and flowers and trees and rainbows. Remember this guy from America’s Got Talent? I swear I spotted him in the middle. And then again at the end.

Miss India unfortunately didn’t make it to the final 5 and we very sadly missed out on her public speaking skills. No, not because she speaks wonderfully and would have taken the crown but because she talks like a 12 year old. The final 5 didn’t disappoint though inspite of the fact that no one mentioned Princess Diana or Mother Theresa. Also what was with the Donald Trump booing? Not that I minded or anything but he owns the bloody thing!

Sunday, May 27, 2007

Must Reads

I just read this. It makes my Love in Tokyo blah seem like a 12 year old's ramblings.

Fuck that. I just read this and this and this. The boy is brilliant!

edited at 8:28 pm: Awwwww and this too.

Sunday afternoon bliss

The thing that's brilliant about drive-through Starbucks is you could wake up, find your sunglasses and car keys and be there in less than 2 minutes. You could still be wearing your blue pyjamas with the mice pattern on it [all the mice are wearing underwear on their heads for some reason] and no footwear and no one would know. You almost feel guilty when you hear the practiced "Thank you for choosing Starbucks, order when you're ready" and you giggle because the voice you're listening to had to go to work today and you didn't. Then you remember you don't have to go to work tomorrow either and you giggle some more. Then you drive home whilst listening to 'Hey mama' by the 'Black Eyed Peas'. You realise this is an incredibly happy song and you don't listen to it often enough. Then you get home and decide to write about this very exciting Sunday afternoon experience. You realise you're incredibly odd but you don't care because you have a holiday tomorrow and then you drink your very hot coffee through a straw and continue to procrastinate.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Some questions for my boss

What are you hiding in your office?
Why do you lock your door every time you step out even if its just to rearrange the plant that's not positioned right?
Why do care so much about plant positioning?
Have you always been this annoying?
Do you know what it means to shut the fuck up?
Why do you love dead people's clothes so much?
Can you stop scratching your wannabe beard?
Would you see someone about that adult acne?
Could you not talk to me?
Can you read all the crap i write on the office email?
Why cant you answer your freakin cell phone?
Why haven't you fired me yet?
You know you cant tell jokes right?
You know you cant do accents right?
Can you stop with the hovering?
Do you think its a coincidence your initials are BS?
Could i get tomorrow off?
Why is your wife still with you?
How did you get her to marry you?
Could you fire that annoying slutty bitch who works in the corner?
Have you considered yoga to relieve your stress?
Have you considered cocaine?
Is that what you hide in your office?
Were you dropped on your head repeatedly as a child?
Why do you talk like that?
What's that sound you make at the end of all your sentences?
Did you eat Pad Thai again for lunch today?
Do you know what bhenchod means?
Do you know how ridiculous you sound?
Could i get a raise?
This is a new series called 'Some questions for ...' and you get to pick a person and ask them a bunch of questions you've always wanted to ask them and then you tag someone else.
I tag BM, Kaushik, Once Again and TGFI.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Letter of termination

bharath: Oho
priya: stop it
bharath: stop what?
priya: Don't say Oho. That's my line
bharath: too many restrictions
priya: so? what your problem IS?
OK i just read something funny. u want to see?
bharath: yes
priya: link
bharath: k it wasn't funny
priya: u read off so fast? don't lie, it was long
bharath: its not as good as yours
priya: oh please! its adorable
the whole walk thing and the man who gave him 2 rupees.
cho chweet.
i imagined the kind man was a Nepali gurkha who said shalaam shaab kinda like our Bahadur.
bharath: OK, if u say so
priya: paah
bharath: So if i quit will u give me a good reference?
priya: You're not quitting! Why would u quit?
bharath: I'm not..
priya: k
bharath: but if i do, will u?
priya: don't scare me like that
and let me remind u that u are under contract. i will sue your ass
bharath: You're weirdly funny
priya: i will sue u and take over Airlines
I'm weirdly funny? andre?
bharath: umm its not in my name
priya: i don't care. i want Airlines
bharath: You're funny and ange sidenally weird
priya: heeeeeeeeeeeeee
thanks ree
i don't know why sudsuddenly from like the past two days full affection bandbidthu
bharath: yes.. in a platonic way
priya: heeeeeeeee
bharath: u didn't add that
priya: u know now, so laddat
u know me
bharath: heeeeee
priya: u know how i speak and what i mean
u copy me all the time
bharath: is it the calm before the storm?
priya: u copied laddat
u copied oho
u copied heeeeeeeee
bharath: sudsuddenly is mine
priya: and I'm flattered
i know
i get to copy u too
I'm taking back the best Internet friend post from karen
I'm giving it back to u
bharath: its a give and take fully platonic Internet friendship
priya: if you'll take it back
bharath: awww yes
priya: yay ill inform karen right away
bharath: lets point at him and laugh
priya: or do u want to? [she said evilly]
how does one spell evil ly?
bharath: damn I've never had to spell that one before
priya: its hard to spell no? and no its not the calm before the storm
There wont be any storm but if u keep whoring yourself out to my friends for no reason at all then i cant promise anything...
bharath: Ok, u should write an email like u did earlier to kb, soupie, karen and me
priya: OMG i should. i will
wait wait
bharath: OK

The mail read:

To Karen,
With deep regret i inform you that you have been fired from the post of my 'best Internet friend'. The original recipient of that title has been given back his title. This is due to his hard work, prompt deliverance of illegally downloaded music, constant comment leaving and his loffing at all my jokes. Karen you will still be my best office email buddy but that's it. I'm terribly sorry for your loss. There are things you can do to try and win back your post but let me warn you it is going to be very difficult due to the stiff competition you face from RBR P's BIF. Do not cry my dear Karen for u are loved...umm in like the Asrani household...also by Pari who makes your filter coffee.

priya: rbr pliss to be seeing
bharath: gmail?
priya: the Sindhi boy is going to weep
yes gmail
u like?
bharath: tat was evilly pri
priya: heeeeeeeeee
bharath: privilly
priya: we both learned how to spell a new word today
bharath: yes
priya: and u also just coined a new one
bharath: hehe...:)
priya: raobharathrao you're truly worthy of being Pri's Best Internet Friend
Here are your duties and responsibilities
bharath: yes
priya: finding various 'difficult to find' songs and emailing them to me so as to reduce my search and download time [which u already do so diligently] good boy!
chatting with pri whenever pri feels like chatting
leaving promptly and without any questions when pri is bored with you
bharath: OK so what do i do with the songs i have for kb?
priya: counselling and advising pri when pri is in need of counselling and advising [all this must take place without any judging]
bharath: were u like a bitch in school?
priya: kb? don't mention other potential employers
me no like
bharath: have u seen Lindsay Lohan in Mean Girls?
priya: and no i wasn't as bitchy as i would've liked to be in school
i hadn't discovered my true bitching potential yet
in college however i was the sort of bitch you'd have been proud of
bharath: if u were u would have been a terrific bitch
priya: yes yes
bharath: I'm saying this in the best way possible
priya: we were totally like that in college i swear
and I'm saying this is the best possible way "say more things like that and I'll put u on my freakin will!"
bharath: awww that's nice..
what worldly possessions do u have...other than jimmy choos?
priya: um i own some diamonds, they're not very big but they're sparkly
bharath: heee
priya: also lots of bags and shoes
i mean lots
lots of clothes
bharath: i said other than the bags and shoes
priya: um perfume?
bharath: i like cologne
priya: shampoo
lots of shampoo
bharath: men's cologne?
priya: soaps
way too many
i need to throw some out
bharath: OK i read that u use 4 types
priya: why would i have men's cologne u idiot? i also own a laptop
u could sell it and eat in Airlines for like a whole week or something
bharath: but i don't want u to die and all
priya: if u only ate breakfast and tea time snacks, for example: maddur vada, jelebi etc
You'd have to skip all other meals
Oooh I also own lots of fun stationary
bharath: umm i get free food in Airlines
priya: ooh and a car
its kinda old though
bharath: which one?
priya: and it might break down in the middle of a road/water body
its a Hyundai accent 2 door
believe me its not cool at all
when i say 2 door people are like oh wow NICE but really it just takes more work to get in the back seat. ashte
same to same as a 4 door
and the 'check engine' light is on all the time. i wonder what it means...
bharath: heeeeeee
priya: and the windshield is cracked
bharath: is there a bullet hole as well? why cant MTV pimp your ride?
i would do anything to have them pimp my ride
How does one qualify to be pimped?
bharath: is it because you're Desi?
priya: heeeeeeeeee i don't know
maybe i should apply
bharath: u should
priya: and then if i don't hear back in like 24 hours i can call and be like y? is this because I'm Desi?
maybe mtvdesi can pimp my ride
oh wait MTV Desi stopped..randomly they stopped that channel
bharath: You think they'd put silk brocade on your seats coz your Indian?
priya: no silly
bharath: no...
priya: they'd use elephant and mango designs for the seat covers and tie dye seat belts
also there would be a place for incense sticks
bharath: they'd put a direct satellite on your roof.. so u can get Doordarshan on your 28 inch monitor
priya: heeeeeeeeeee not doordarshan
the yoga and meditation channel and they'd put a big OM in the front
also the names of every famous Desi person in Amreeka painted across the know Sanjaya, Appu, Naveen Andrews, that surma wearing dude from Heroes, Dr. Sanjay Gupta etc..

Anyway all is well in terms on my internet best friend. Now all i need is a gay best friend.

Sunday, May 20, 2007

Mother watches TV

Since we're on the subject of mother i have to tell you a funny story. She called me at work recently and i always talk real fast when she calls because she likes to tell me the most unnecessary things and she takes forever to finish her stories. Getting to the point has never been her strength. As soon as she says "So today on Oprah.." or even worse "I was watching Dr.Phil today and there was this .." it's always my cue to say "Ma i really need to go." Anyway she called me the other day,
"Do you have a pen around? Start writing" and she proceeded to spell out the first and last name of some random person. Then she gives me his phone number. "This is the name and telephone number of the person who will be coming to repair the taps today. I just thought you should have this information in case you come home and find me murdered. At least you'll know who did it."
Now what does one say to that?
I tell her to stop watching those terrible Lifetime movies all the time but she wont stop.
And today to my great amusement mother witnessed her first gay kiss on TV. We were watching 'Brothers and Sisters', well i was watching and she was watching/napping. Anyway she woke up right in time to see the kiss. I turned to her to see her reaction. "What??????? Oh my God! I thought he was going to hit him. But weren't they just fighting? What nonsense and all they show on TV these days!" and then she giggled.
Oh and sorry to disappoint you TGFI but i did not go to the lunch thingy. Although they did send me a gift card from Target. Turns out the party was also sort of a going away party for us. Oops.

Mere paas Maa hain

Mother and i celebrated a late Mother's day today since last weekend didn't really work for either of us. Its always hard though finding her a present.
"Why did you spend so much money?" when i bought her this pretty chain last year or "You know i don't use much perfume" when i bought her 'Clinique Simply'. But a daughter's got to do what a daughter's got to do to keep her mother from smelling of Elizabeth Taylor White Diamonds. Anyway this year i figured I'd take her to watch a movie. 'Georgia Rule' looked appropriate for a mother daughter date since the previews showed that it was about 3 generations of women. I figured nice family drama, enough scenes for mother to cry and happy ending so she'd be nice to me the rest of the weekend. Turns out the grandmother swore a lot, the daughter was a drunk and the grand daughter liked to give Mormon boys blow jobs in boats. Mother seemed uncomfortable and eventually fell asleep. I watched intently mostly because Lindsey Lohan's white wardrobe was to die for. Then we got ice cream and came home. Not too terrible eh? Except right after mother got all mad at me because i refused to go with her to this lunch thingy on Sunday.
"We'll just go for lunch and come back really soon."
I wasn't falling for that. You see mother likes to talk. A lot. And most times she has a captive audience. So Desi lunch parties are her favourite outings.
"Well I'm not going to your friend's house for dinner if you don't come to the lunch thing with me."
Mother's good with the blackmail. Only this time it didn't work and i called my friend and cancelled the dinner thing. And since when is Sunday social visiting day? What happened to just watching TV and sleeping?
"Oh and next week my friend has invited us to her son's graduation party. We must go. This is the same son you think is weird."
"Gay ma, not weird. And i don't think he's gay. I know he is. And its rude to say weird."
"Hmmm you know so much about all these things. Sometimes i think you are gay."
"Yes mother you've told me before. And i told all my friends. They think its hilarious."
"So you're not coming to the party then?"
"Which one?"
"The gay one."
"Heeeeeeeeeeeee. The gay one? No mother i will not be accompanying you to that one. I won't know anyone there."
"Fine then. Don't come. Don't come with me anywhere....Put the food in the fridge." and she stomped off to her room.
End dramatic scene
Except it wasn't the end. A few minutes later I hear "Sunday 12:40 pm...Sunday 12:40 pm...Sunday 12:40 pm" over and over again.
"What are you doing with the answering machine ma?"
"This silly thing always says the wrong time. Come fix it."
"Huh? I don't know how. And its working just fine."
"Fine. Don't help. Ill do it all by myself." And so i helped her fix it. Then she wanted me to show her how i did it. I couldn't remember since i had just pressed random buttons until it said the correct time.
"I don't remember what i did ma."
"What I'll do next time then?"
I don't know. Try not to break it this time."
"Paah. I cant ask you anything also. Good night."
Now end scene.
I'm sure she'll try to convince me again to go with her tomorrow and I'll probably end up going. At least I'll have something to blog about. The last time i went to one of those parties this lady was wearing only the top of her salwar kameez. It didn't have slits on the sides so i guess she thought it would pass for some sort of modern dress but it looked horrendous and all the other aunties were totally giggling and gossipping about it.

Friday, May 18, 2007

How does one keep one’s pants from falling off one’s ass?

I recently bought these pants. They’re jeans actually except they’re trouser style, you know with side pockets. I love them. They make me look all tall and they fit perfectly; until today. Suddenly they’re falling off. So I figured I’d just wash them and they’d go back to fitting perfectly. It works on all my other jeans. Only it didn’t work. I can’t even use a belt because it doesn’t have that um feature. My only option now is to pull it up every 5 seconds or put on like 5 pounds. I guess my only real option is to throw it in the back of my closet never to be seen again. Or wait. They could be my buffet pants. They cannot & will not be maternity pants [as someone very kindly suggested. BITCH!] because that is not happening. EVER.

Thursday, May 17, 2007

I'm missing half an eyebrow but its okay because the Black eyed peas gave me a free third eye. Also i think i might be like that lady from 'Medium'

only not as ugly and with better fashion sense and minus the terrible voice. Okay im not like her at all. It's just this dream i had. [Screw Blogger and it's word limit on titles.]

Bitch took my eyebrow.

I got my eyebrows waxed today. It wasn't pleasant. But neither is threading and that's not an option anymore since threading aunty moved. Inconsiderate whore.
Brittany attempted to thread my eyebrows the other day. She didn't do a very good job. Anyway today i left the salon feeling all happy. Then i got home and washed my face and realised she took off way too much towards the middle. I stared at my face for a while. It looked quite obvious. Then again i realised if i didn't focus on the middle of my forehead it looked alright.

The middle of ones forehead is where the third eye is located right? I recently discovered this song on my Black eyed peas CD. Its called third eye [i think]. But the mysterious part is that there is no record of the song anywhere on my CD cover. It doesn't even say bonus track. If i play the last track i hear "Lets get retarded" and right after that the mystery song starts.But it doesn't have its own song number and unless u listen to the whole CD u wont hear it. Isn't that weird? I wonder if its like a gift or something for listening to the entire CD. Its kinda nice the song.

I read this a couple of days ago and i checked out the author's website. Its funneh. And i remember watching that movie she made a while ago. I had liked it. So i called Borders today to see if they'd gotten the book and they put me on hold to go check. They said they had just received the shipment t but that it was still unopened. They promised to set one aside for me. So I walked in this evening and went straight to the counter to collect it. I felt very important. The lady was like "Oh yes i remember that name. We just got your book in today." And then she handed it to me. It was bright yellow. I liked it already. I'm super excited to read it now.

I had this weird dream last night well technically it was this morning. I witnessed a road accident in the dream. I didn't get hurt or anything but i witnessed it and i was sort of creeped out. Also it felt like it had just happened and then i woke up right away and had to get ready for work. And on the way i almost had an accident. My tyres screeched real loud and my bag rolled right off the seat and all it's one thousand contents fell onto the mat. I'm still missing my Burt's beeswax chap stick. Luckily i carry more than one. I can't not have it with me at all times. I don't know how i survived without it for 19 years.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

When you know the notes to sing...You can sing most anything!

So I guess I've been living under a rock [couch] of some kind. [See this is where that line thingy across my words would've looked so cool. See how he did that?. How does one do that???? SHOW ME!] Anyway somehow i have managed to miss one of the funniest episodes of Will & Grace ever. Luckily the kind people at CW2 were showing it tonight. And some other kind person has risked going to jail and all and uploaded it on You Tube. Part 1, part 2, part 3. Watch it now. They're probably going to take it down soon seeing that its illegal and all. Oh and it helps if you've watched 'The Sound of Music'.

When i was in the 7th grade my school put up a production of 'The Sound of Music'. I remember the hours of choir practice. I rememeber the hideous choir uniform. [This grey balloon skirt with some pink puffed sleeved shirt if you must know. Ugh!] I remember every freakin line from the play; all this from watching Aarti and Gauri [the two Maria's] bellow them over and over again. For the record i thought Gauri made a far better Maria. I can never forget Aarti's constipated rendition of "The hiiiiiiills are aliiiiiive.........with the saaaooound of muuuuuuuuuuusic" to which we all went "aaaaaaaaa aaaa aaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa"

My dad's favourite song from the movie was "Edelweiss" and he'd always try to sing it in this super deep voice. Heeeeeee. Mum's favourite was "These are a few of my favourite things." and mine was "High on a hill was a lonely goatherd Lay ee odl lay ee odl lay hee hoo" and "So long farewell"
Do you have a favourite?

Monday, May 14, 2007

Warning: This is a wannabe blog post

I have a new love ya’ll – tortilla chips. They’re crunchy without being overly crumbly with just the perfect amount of salt. People around the office have been eating them with some weird boiling cheese thing but I like mine plain. Mmmmm. *Pri thinks happy thoughts*
So did anyone do anything fun this weekend? I didn’t have to work this Saturday so I watched 3 movies back to back on the USA network which is not a channel I normally watch. Oh the joys of the TV guide channel!!! Let’s see I watched ‘Notting Hill’ for like the billionth time. Don’t you love the roommate guy with the artistic tees? And then I watched ‘Patch Adams’ which I had never seen before for some reason and then ‘Love actually’. I think I should watch ‘Love actually’ more often. It makes me hate people a little less. The little boy in it is just so darling.

p.s. I was just wondering [no real reason] if one can be arrested for dancing and driving?

I just ordered these super cute checks. You like?

Thursday, May 10, 2007

Food glorious food

So I read this recently and I had this food flashback that I must must share with you. If you live in Bangalore and have not tried any of these things in any of these places do so NOW. And if you’re planning on visiting Bangalore any time soon do as many of these places as possible. Its not like there's much sight seeing to do in Bangalore anyway. I planned to do all of this the last time I went home but really 10 days isn’t enough.

Chilli babycorn - Nagarjuna Savoy. My first waiter crush when I was 14 happened to happen here. [I have heard rumours about an afternoon male stripper joint in the same parking lot. Unfortunately I cannot confirm this.]
Baby corn Manchurian - Shiv Sagar [No seriously. It’s really good.]
Sweet corn chicken soup - Rice Bowl [My favouritest restaurant as a kid. The quality of food is not the same anymore but nobody makes sweet corn chicken soup like Rice Bowl.]
Crackling spinach - Mainland China [Turns out anything deep fried in grease is delicious. Even spinach.]
Deep fried Corn kernels - Beijing Bites
Mangalore style prawns - Unicorn [must be eaten with rice and rasam]
Chicken momos at this place somewhere in Banaswadi. [My computer just offered ‘Bonsai’ as a spell check option for Banaswadi. Heeeeeeee!] Soupie, do you remember what that restaurant is called? Also make sure you ask for take away or delivery. It’s not a very um social place [unless you’re a hooker or a hooker in training. Yeah long story.]
Schezuan Prawn [extra spicy] - Mainland China
Masala Dosa - Chalukya [Remain seated in your car to enjoy the whole experience. They will bring you this wooden board that acts as a make shift table. Lots of fun.]
Masala Dosa - Airlines Hotel [also known as Tivoli Garden. Do watch out for crotch digging parking attendant.]
Filter kaapi - Airlines Hotel [Tell them you know RBR to claim 50% discount.]
Gulab Jamun - Bhagatram Sweets [Try not to scrutinize the cooking area.]
Badam milk [cold] - Anand Sweets
Kaju Pista Kalash - Tiwari Brothers Sweets
Motichoor Ladoo - Tiwari Brothers
Chocolate Mousse Cake - Sweet Chariot
Pineapple cake - Taj Cake shop
Chilli Chiken and Chicken Biryani [Andra style] - RR/Amravati/Nagarjuna/Bheemas.[Andra Food anywhere is delicious]
Pista ice cream in a paper cup [must be eaten with the tiny wooden spoon it comes with] - Joy ice cream available at any Nice Iyengar Bakery. [Nice because all Iyengar bakeries are nice.]
Tutti fruity bread - Iyengar Bakery
Chicken kaali mirch - Richies
Paneer korma - Shanthi Sagar
Chow chow baath - Shanthi Sagar
Moosambi Juice - Bowring stall
Onion samosa - MCC canteen
Fresh Donut - MCC canteen [available at 11 o’ clock sharp give or take a class]
Alu Tikki - outside the Janata Bazaar on Nandidurga Road
Mocha cake - Coffee Day
Frappe - Coffee Day
Pineapple passion - Corner House
Peach Melba [Without the peaches; ask only for the juice they keep the peaches in] - Corner House
Bhel Puri - Outside Plaza theatre. [If you’re North Indian Yes he puts carrots in it. Stop being a snob and try it.] I have to state here my hatred for bhel puri with potatoes. WTF? That is not acceptable. They sold it at my school canteen. Terrible stuff.

Any suggestions?

edited @ 12:58 am: Tiramisu at Painted Platter. [Thanks Chinkleton]
Also if you've ever been to a Muslim wedding in Bangalore and Zacharaya has catered - their Mutton biryani and pepper chicken. Mmmmm Mmmmm Mmmmm!

I have a feeling this list will be edited a lot in the next few days.

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Your WHAT in a box?

I've been waiting for You Tube to post my video here. They told me it would appear shortly. Its been more than shortly and i dont see it. So you will just have to click on the link to watch it. Okay? And if the video appears eventually then that will be fantabulous but as of now im running out of patience and i need my sleep.

I watched this today. I know. Very mature. I happened to watch it at work. I know. Very professional. [By the by that is JT in the video. You're welcome Kb.]

Attention all anonymous readers [yes YOU] and Lady who tries to market Mary Kay products in the comment section of my blog: Today for the first time i heard the word 'sleuth' being said out loud. Now i am aware of the existence of such a word [Thank you Nancy Drew] but I've never actually used it mostly because I've never heard anyone else use it and honestly until today i wasn't really sure how to pronounce it. I still don't see myself needing to use it ever.
I'm sure there are more such words I've read in books that i haven't the slightest idea how to pronounce and I'm trying to come up with one right now but my mind is drawing a blank. Anyone? [Yes and i ask because i have such a participative audience. Say something betch!]

Monday, May 07, 2007

New taps, the gay pride parade, moving, staying kuwaanra and chat room predators

Really, i couldn't have managed to talk about more unrelated topics if i tried.

My mother just randomly asked me today if i chat with strangers in online chat rooms. I'm guessing she's been watching her Lifetime movies again. After i had finished laughing i told her no. "Well then why are you always on the computer?" she wanted to know. I tried to explain to her that there's gtalk and orkut and blogs. Gtalk she sorta knew about. "Oh that thing Soupie always calls you on. Why didn't she call you today?" I explained to her how we both needed to be online for that to happen. Orkut also she was familiar with. When i first joined orkut i showed her profiles of my old classmates she knew well and of course gay cousin who doesn't know he's gay yet's fun profile and funner album. This blog thing however she was confused about. I reminded her of that link i had sent her to Ammani's blog. "Remember all those short stories you read that you liked so much? Well that was from a blog. And there are different kinds of blogs you know about cricket, about different issues, personal stuff and some made up stuff like Ammanis's stories." Her next question was if i wrote one. I lied. I don't want her reading my blog ever. "But why don't you have one? You're my daughter. You should be able to write" she said sounding very disappointed. I hated to disappoint her but i have a strict no family policy when it comes to my blog. Well at least she was now reasonably satisfied that i wasn't chatting with child predators online. I did remind her that i was not a child anymore but parents are brilliant at ignoring that line every single time.

Okay it's announcement time. Drum roll..........We're moving!!! And I'm delighted. I've liked Colorado just fine but i knew it could never be home. I'm a city girl. I like my tall buildings and noisy traffic. Where i live i see mountains and horses on the way to work. I'm not lying. Also just now on the local news the headlines was about how they found some germs on some balls at a Local fast food chain's play area. I mean just the fact that that made the headlines got on my nerves and so I'm super duper happy that we're moving to Houston. Hopefully the headlines will be a little less lame and a little more dramatic there. I visited there one summer when i was 16 and i worked at the local Dairy Queen. Now before you get excited this was not that type of Dairy. Its an ice cream place where they have the yummiest Georgia Mud Fudge blizzards [the only kind of blizzard i like]. That's another reason why I'm ready to move. No more effing snow. Ive had enough. Just this last winter was plenty for one lifetime. I hear it rains a lot in Houston though which i like. The heat i can deal with. There's always air conditioning. We're not moving for a couple of months though but i hope I'll still be here for the gay pride parade. Brit said she'd take Gabby and me to go see it this year. I'm so excited. Also Britt's five St. Bernard's will be accompanying us. Supposedly the St. Bernard rescue has their own float and all the dogs dress up as transvestites.So much fun. I cant wait. You know what else i cant wait to do? Tell my mum about this exciting parade ill be going to. Bwahahahahahaha. [Brit if you're reading this - No telling anyone at work yet about me moving. Okay? Except Gabby. She knows.]

Moving on... I got new taps for my sink yesterday and so far the water has been flowing very nicely. In the past however I've had taps do all sorts of strange things to the water. I've had it come out all high pressury and squirty. Other times I've had it get all lifeless and drippy and occasionally i have encountered the gushing waterfall. Luckily i have no such problems with my new taps. However i now find that the cold water and the hot water aren't mixing well enough to form the required amount of warmness i need to wash my face with. Its like i can feel the cold part of the water and i can feel the hot part of it but honestly i shouldn't be able to feel them individually. Its sort of like drinking coffee and you can taste the coffee, milk and sugar all individually but not together. Is any of this making any sense to you or do you just think I'm a complete nutcase?

In other exciting news i got my hair cut on Saturday and it feels all bouncy and shiny. I like! Unfortunately the nice lady who cut it smelled like cigarettes and some type of dog. Not cool.

If anybody from ABC is reading this blog I'd like to say Thank you! This Thursday you gave us not one but TWO whole hours of Grey's Anatomy. You didn't have to do that you know. It was just a normal TV week. Its not like you were competing with the Academy Awards coverage on a rival network or anything. It wasn't even Season finale week and yet you were kind enough to do this. I appreciate your thoughtfulness. Now will you please make 'Notes from the Underbelly' an hour long hour show? Please? Pretty please?

In more exciting news from this weekend i was waiting for 'Koffee with Karan' to start [dont you envy my happening social life?] on the very fascinating Star One channel and they always play these strange songs that no one's ever heard before from B grade movies that no one's ever heard of before to kill time before show time. So anyway this song begins. It's from the movie 'Jaan' starring Twinkle Khanna and Ajay Devgan and the first line is "Shaadi ke baad mein marjaauu to gham nahinnnnn........kuwaanra nahi marnaaa' and after laughing hysterically for five minutes i realised i know lots of people who probably think like that. Sad. I know. Oh well i guess death isn't a terrible option if you're named TWINKLE.

Have yourselves a great week!

p.s. Is it okay to think Ugly betty's geeky non boyfriend is hot? This is him looking not so geeky. And worse is it terribly inappropriate/illegal to think Ugly betty's kid cousin is hot? I'm totally imagining him much older of course. I looked for a picture of the kid to link here but im too ashamed to post it. He's like twelve.

Thursday, May 03, 2007

Love in Tokyo [PART 2]

Part 1 can be found here.

Now people who know me are well aware of my giggle control problem. I have gotten in trouble for it all my life. In classrooms, exam halls, the Principal's office, church etc…
Anyway standing in line behind cute boy i was sure that he had figured out I was pretend coughing. I knew I looked retarded. This only made me giggle some more.
Next we had to identify our baggage downstairs [always my favourite thing to do] but to go there we had to use the escalator. I do okay with those things normally but that day I was just in the mood to embarrass myself. So anyway I get on to the escalator with just my pull along bag and my ginormous handbag and I see cute boy waiting for his bags at the bottom. This distracted me because after all it was my first full frontal view of him. Somehow in my excitement I managed to let go of my pull along thingy which proceeded to roll down the very long escalator really really loudly causing alarm around the airport. I descended slowly with my hands on my mouth. Everybody stared. Random kind [but unattractive] boy came running to catch my bag since it was going to reach the bottom before I was. I thanked him and tried not to make eye contact with anyone. I did catch cute boy with that smirk on his face again. We then got onto very cool looking buses that took us to the hotel which was oh like just an hour away. Apparently there weren't any hotels closer that could accommodate an entire airplane of people. Once we reached the Hilton we had to wait some more until they gave us our room keys. I noticed aisle boy and cute boy were now all chatty. Super thin receptionist lady asked if they wanted to share a room. Cute boy said NO and my love for him grew even more. Before I went to my room I asked kind Japanese man who looked like he was in charge when we would be leaving. He muttered something about something. I couldn't understand a word and unfortunately cute boy wasn't around to translate his accent for me. I did hear two Desi unclejees talk about how it was going to be very hard to get connecting flights. I panicked because I didn't want to be stuck in Tokyo forever. I needed to get to Bengluru on Aug 1st like I had planned in order to watch the first ODI between India and I don't remember who. I finally managed to talk to some man wearing a Singapore Airlines shirt. I told him how my father would be very worried if I didn't get home when I was supposed to. He assured me i would be home soon. I went to my room [which was very pretty] and I called dad who of course wanted to hear every detail about why there was this delay and if I was scared….I told him I was only allowed to talk for 4 minutes but he pretended not to hear this. [So that's where i get it from!] Anyway I got a good nights rest and enjoyed the hotel shampoo the next morning. What is it about hotel shampoo that makes it always smell so good? Oh wait I did go down to eat dinner [which sucked] before that and they charged me for my Sprite. The bastards! Aren't you impressed with my memory?
The next morning I found a note stuck under my door stating that Hello Kitty had been found and WAS SAFE. Why they assumed I would care about the kitten's condition was beyond me. The flight was supposedly going to be on time and everyone looked very relieved. They handed us little presents as we boarded the flight. Cute boy was already seated and smiled and said Good Morning. I wanted to hug him. He then asked me if I had opened my present yet. I sad I hadn’t and he insisted I open it right away. I got excited and asked if it was anything edible. He said and i quote: "Nope. I already checked. I was hoping it would be food too. I'm starving and i was too scared to eat the breakfast this morning after the terrible dinner last night." At this point i just wanted to pinch his cheeks. I asked him where his friend was to which he replied very quickly: "He's not my friend." I giggled and opened my present. I cant remember exactly what it was. I think it was either a lame key chain or some weird diary type thing with the Singapore Airlines logo on it. I was like WTF and cute boy was like I KNOW, it makes up for everything doesn't it? Aisle boy came in hurriedly and took his seat just before takeoff. Again they felt the need to announce to us about Hello kitty's haalat. Everyone groaned. Cute boy then insisted aisle boy open his present. Aisle boy tore open his present and then looked up shocked. Cute boy and i giggled. Again i had to control the urge to hug him. The flight to Singapore wasn't too long. We finally got some food and cute boy and i gobbled it down while Aisle boy told us about how he was this big shot in some company in Singapore. After aisle boy finally shut the fuck up cute boy turned to me and asked where i was going. I said Bangalore. Home. He said Bombay. I wanted to ask if it was to see his wife and kids but i wasn't brave enough. I'm never brave enough. The fact that i was even having a conversation with him was quite astonishing. You see I'm one of those arrogant people who wont talk to you if i don't know you and I'm super arrogant if you're a cute boy [which reminds me i should totally write about gym boy next.] Once we landed in Singapore i was given my new boarding pass to Bangalore. Cute boy unfortunately had no boarding pass and no ticket. All flights to Bombay had been cancelled because of the floods. They told him his best option was to fly to some other part of India and then take a flight/train to Bombay after a day or so. I wanted to ask him to come with me to Bangalore so bad! "You can stay with me. Just hide whenever daddy appears" i wanted to say. I did some shopping and called the KB and told her the entire cute boy story over the phone. Then I did more shopping and went back to the counter only to see cute boy still waiting around. "What are you going to do?" i asked. "I have no idea. Wait, i guess" he said. I wanted to hug him and tell him it was all going to be okay but instead i said "Well, hopefully you wont have to wait too long" and then i smiled and said goodbye. I had a great 10 days in Bangalore and a great 2 days in Singapore [with Kb] on the way back. I dreamt of bumping into cute boy on the plane or in an airport lobby or even someplace in America. I looked for him everywhere but never saw him again. Cute boy if you're reading this - *HUG* and this song is dedicated to you. "Sayonaara Sayonaara Vaada nibhaaungi Sayonaara" I realise i didn't make any vaadas but if i had i would've totally nibaaoed them for you.

p.s. Karen very excitedly emailed me this afternoon. He wanted to write part 2 of my 'Love in Tokyo' story AS 'cute boy on the plane'. I told him to go ahead. So watch out for that one.

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Love in Tokyo [my version]

So i have been getting lots of fan mail asking about the whole "Love in Tokyo - my version" thing i keep talking about. Okay, i haven't but i still need to talk about it before i forget the journey that was 'Love in Tokyo'.
The year was 2005. The days - July 31st & Aug 1st. Pri was travelling to Namma Bengluru to celebrate her Huttida Habba [Janam din for all my Delhi friends. What's with so many people in the capital reading my blog? No no don't stop. Its a good thing but i just think its strange.]
Anyway every time I've been on an airplane a nice old person has sat next to me. The keyword here being OLD. I have no problem with old people. It's just that the ones i sit next to are always the ones that talk the most. You know ... about India and its History and culture... blah blah. And if it's a Desi ajji/ thaatha then its "Beta, where you are from? Where you are going? Why? For how long? Alone you will go aa so far? To meet your huzbend? Vo my gaad! You are naat marry? Why? You are want to marry?" etc... So i had come to accept that this was my air fate which is why i was very surprised to see a decent looking guy show up and sit in the aisle seat. I was overjoyed, I had never sat next to anyone under the age of 60 before. Just then super cute boy [who I'd put kann on even at the airport lobby] walks right up, places his bag on top and takes his seat...the middle to mine. I wanted to die. Anyway i looked up and did my half nod and then went back to reading my in flight shopping magazine. Those have to be read at once you know. Even if you're not planning on buying anything. Just as a precautionary measure cause imagine if its the last magazine you'll ever read. You'd want it to have pretty pictures and all no?
The flight was decent. I couldn't get my TV to work so i poked cute boy [gently] and asked if he could help. He got it to work in less than 2 seconds which made me feel all idiotic. I then proceeded to watch funny movie in Japanese. I couldn't really see what cute boy was watching [believe me i tried] but since he was giggling about the same time i was i figured he was watching the same movie. Fate i tell ya. We had a pit stop at Tokyo for a couple of hours but all the airport shops were closed because it was night time. This is something i have never understood. Its a bloody airport. There are flights at every unearthly hour. Why must they close the shops at night? Huh? huh? huh? So anyway we boarded the plane after the break period. Cute boy hadn't gotten off at Tokyo. [Eouu that was not intended to sound like that] Anyway i was thrilled to see him still seated next to me. Unfortunately it didnt look like the plane was ever going to take off. It was a while before they made the announcement. "We regret to inform you that a cat has escaped from its cage and is now missing. Efforts are on to locate said cat and parts of engine wire and other random objects it could have possibly nibbled on." They made us wait in the lobby because it was getting quite warm inside the plane. We waited for some 4 hours. I kid you not. And then they decided to cancel the flight because 'Hello kitty' was still missing and it was now TOO LATE to fly. [Another thing i never quite get.] So at like 11 pm that night we had to fill out forms for a transit visa. I filled out my form diligently but left the hotel section blank. I asked kind Japanese man who looked like he was in charge and he said " know...hirotoh hoteh" I was like "I'm sorry?" Cute boy then cleared the confusion and told me he meant 'Hilton'. I wrote while cute boy smirked. I looked fondly at cute boy's hair while i waited in line. And suddenly it hit me. I was in Tokyo standing with the cutest boy i had seen in a really long time and we were going to spend the night at this Hiritoh hoteh place. I immediately thought of the movie 'LOVE IN TOKYO' thusly the title and i couldn't stop giggling. I giggled for about 5 minutes straight i think. Cute boy turned around a couple of times but i avoided eye contact each time and pretended i had suddenly developed a cough.

To be continued...