okay first off i'm devastated that the comment i thought was genuine and sweet was in fact just spam. sniff. my hort is broken. moving along to fashion at celebrity funerals. i don't get why no one covers them. it's the perfect place to check out fully covered celebrities, usually in pretty chikankari kurtas, without make up or pretending to be without makeup. so much fun! imagine waking up one morning only to realize someone famous has died. famous enough that all of bollywood will have to show up. of course you're going to care about how you look. it's tricky here though because you dont want it to seem like you made an effort. you don't want to be judged even though you'll be judging every one else. the safest bet is to put on your simplest whitest kurta and show up with no eye make up. it needs to look like you were up all night crying. i was looking at some pictures from a recent celebrity funeral because what else is there to do? and some of these people look incredibly happy to be at this thing which is quite sad. it must be hard for a celebrity to convince everyone they're genuinely distraught especially if the ceremony lasts a couple of hours. i imagine it must be hard not to be able to crack a smile, especially if you spot like hattrick roshan coming around the corner. of course you're going to be all hey look it's hattrick. he still got his early man face on. smile. oops camera caught that.

anyway here's my commentary from going through the entire freaking slide show. yes i need a hobby. the very first picture is of this lady in a really tight white shirt carrying an electric blue channel purse. it's electric blue. it's going to jump out at you. also she is wearing pants to are way too short but who cares? she's not really famous. i'm assuming she's married to someone who is. priyanka chopra is dressed appropriately attire wise but she went overboard with the jewelery. too many rings, giant watch, big ass hair clip. also she cheated and wore make up. aishwarya rai was smart enough to wear shapeless pants with her white kurta giving the impression too much time wasn't wasted planning her outfit. there's way too many people wearing chic looking churidaar pants with their not starchy enough kurtas. gayatri what's her face from the ponds ads and swades matched her bag and shoes. like exact matched. that's never good. although she might be wearing my favourite kurta. some unrecognizable aunty is in a transparent saree [with a semi transparent blouse] that's draped super inappropriately. in the background there's this startled looking driver guy staring at her. it's the funniest thing. you guys have to see. go to filmi cafe.

zayed khan's mum and sis are wearing black and white respectively. one with parallel pants and one with lace trim pajamas. heh. they're such an unfortunate looking family. i'm spotting way too many birkins at this thing! some lady is texting with two phones whilst carrying a ginormous louis vuitton bag. malaika arora khan has great skin. flawless. her husband has a mustache. such is the world. he is also texting. ooh tabu's not wearing white. how brave. it's beige. still appropriate. she is holding some weird looking man's hand. please let it not be her boyfriend. she is way too beautiful to be dating him. i love that she has a big giant hair band on her wrist. neetu singh and some lady are clearly gossiping. one is whispering in the others ear while clearly smirking. neetu singh didn't bother wearing her white kurta. she has on a white shirt and is also carrying a more understated channel purse by which i mean it's not bursting with colour.

awwwwwww it's juhi. she's still so pretty. she's holding rinki khanna's hand. juhi used to be my favourite actress growing up. anyone who was a madhuri fan i hated back then. i love madhuri now. ha ha there's groups of random people that have gathered in the street to spot celebrities. snakeskin purse! and what the what? it looks like priyanka chopra's kurta might not be white after all. it's a really light mauve. that is so not allowed. ha! sunny deol wore a shirt that is the exact same blue as his jeans. awww more kind juhi. she almost makes me want to be a good person. farah khan managed to find a white version of the hideous shapeless kurtas she's been wearing everywhere recently. this one has ugly pink flowers on it and she's wearing it with tent shaped black pants. ha ha there's an incredibly short man in formal clothing carrying a back pack and wearing floaters. he has a pen in his pocket i'm assuming for autographs that he can later sell. oh wait, here's the man that was with tabu. now he's holding an extremely overdressed kiron kher's hand. i'm guessing he's just the hand holder/escorter type person. good for him. ooh ghastly looking old lady wearing a diamond necklace with a super shiny dupatta! awwwww it's juhi again. she's so shiny and happy i want to hug her. oh wow. the end.

someone left me this comment earlier today. it was for this post written ages ago about what food to eat when you visit bangalore. it just made me laugh so much. thanks anon. i'm glad you googled google or whatever it was you did and found me. everyone else hi and don't be mad. no one blogs anymore!

Anonymous said...

I found this site using [url=http://google.com]google.com[/url] And i want to thank you for your work. You have done really very good site. Great work, great site! Thank you!

Sorry for offtopic

5:21 PM

'i am a disco dancer' on so you think you can dance.

this made my evening. it's disco freaking dandiya! loony desi boy part starts at 3:20.

iktara has been playing in my car for a week now.

that and 'kya karoon'. this movie better be good!

i'm realizing more and more what a loner i've become.

i went to vegas recently with a group of friends and yet the happiest moments from the trip were the ones i spent by myself. right before midnight on my birthday i had a dessert craving. the room service menu wasn't exciting enough for me so i called the crepe place at the hotel and the fools had just closed. there was one restaurant at the hotel that was open 24 hours so i got out of my pajamas and walked downstairs. i was on the phone the whole time with one of my best friends so maybe it doesn't really count as a moment by myself. it was around 11:55 when i got there and it turned out there was a long ass line to the place. i asked the hostess for takeaway and sat down at the fake park bench under the fake sky inside fake paris and waited for my tiramisu. when i got off the phone and looked at the time it was midnight and at that moment i was genuinely happy. i was beaming actually. the people in line must have thought i was drunk.

this is what my surroundings looked like. this picture will always make me happy.

if i had to list my other favourite moments from the trip it would be drinking wine in the hotel room out of my new leak proof super cool metallic water bottle [they were taking forever to bring up glasses to the room] getting the most awesome swedish message and watching the water/light show from the top of the fake eiffel tower. for two out of these three things i was by myself. see what i mean? i don't enjoy other people's company anymore! or do i just not know enough awesome people? this is not good.

also may i please suggest everyone check out this website if they haven't already.

p.s. it's weird. i write this post and a couple of hours later i read chamko rani.

conversations with old people.

I just ended the longest conversation i have ever had with another human being ever. The old man and i [mainly the old man] covered such topics as social security, social security supplements, medicare, medicaid, prescription drugs, ordering prescriptions from Canada, his tv, tiger woods on his tv, the big black hole that occasionally pops up on his tv, his antenna, how much high definition TVs cost, how much they used to cost, how much they'll cost just after thanksgiving, how much flatter TVs have gotten over the years, hiding money in safe deposit boxes at various banks so the government cant see it, occasionally spending some of it on a new porch, evil termites, dead termites and various other fun and somewhat related topics. Thankfully my phone rang just as i was about to shoot myself and i lived to tell the tale.

Also i just turned 26 y'all. That's still a cool age right?

live blogging ndtv's coverage of the solar eclipse.

pallava bagla, not known for being the most enthusiastic guest has been invited by ndtv to cover the solar eclipse along with vishnu som the host, who is comically excited.

host: this is a once in a lifetime experience. can you explain to us what is happening to the sun.

bagla: see it's not a big deal. it is just that the moon is coming between the earth and the sun. see slowly slowly it is coming.

excited host: guwahati is seeing the eclipse first. we were not expecting this. why is this happening?

bagla: it is very simple. it is because there is cloud cover in other places. if you had a clear sky you would have seen it. see if u ask me i would rather see rainfall than a solar eclipse. we need some rain.

host: what advice would you give people today? what should they do? what should they not do?

bagla: it is just a normal day. do what you always do. i say go for your morning walk. take your dog out for a walk. take your children. just do not look at the sun directly. if you have to look use these special glasses.

shows us his special glasses. explains in detail the dangers of not using such glasses. asks the audience to make sure there are no scratches on the glasses.

host: can you use regular sun glasses?

frustrated bagla: NO you cannot! neither should you look at a reflection of the eclipse in the water. or in coloured water. watch it on tv if you really have to.

excited host: beautiful images we are seeing.....

bagla sighing deeply: what you are seeing right now is not a solar eclipse. it is just a cloud coming in front of the sun and the moon.

unperturbed host: right... NOW you can see...

bagla: NO it is still just the morning sun. it is your camera filters that are giving that hue.

a few moments of awkward silence.

host: the sun looks like the moon right now. ha ha.

bagla rolls his eyes.

host: alright. let's go to tanima right now who is with a group of people gathered to witness the solar eclipse. tanima i haven't the foggiest idea where you are right now. ha ha. can you see anything?

tanima complains about fog cover where she is.

host: is it true there will be an eclipse next year also?

bagla: yes! that is what i have been saying. every 18 months there is a solar eclipse somewhere in the world. this time it is happening in our backyard. that's all.

host: wow! these are new images we are seeing. explain to us bagla what has just happened.

bagla: the sun has been eclipsed by the moon. this is darkness at dawn.

they show us a blank screen for a couple of minutes.

host: wow. look a diamond ring!

bagla: yes. it is not the sharpest image but it is a diamond ring.

host: this is the celestial spectacle of the century!

host: we have some new images from china where it looks like the eclipse is just starting.

bagla: it is in fact just ending.

host: fantastic images. stunning.

bagla: i wish i could have seen it myself, outside the studio. i brought my glasses.

host: ha ha. we wont let you get away so easily.

pic - http://www.toothpastefordinner.com

i wish someone would produce a cd featuring the best music from indian ads over the years.

let's make a list. add a link if you've got one. and i'm not taking just ads that make you nostalgic but ads with great tunes. here's ten i can remember.


ek limca churalo na

dairy milk - kuch khaas hain hum sabhi mein

hamaara kal hamaara aaj

my favourite [in both tamil and hindi] jeevan mein aapke naya sunrise

perk - thodi thodi bhari thodi thodi halki

colgate fresh - sanson mein zinda dil tazgi

garden sarees - music by a r rahman

titan music

doodh hain wonderful this one was more fun to watch.

jab ghar ki raunak badhani ho. deewaron ko jab sajaana ho nerolac nerolac.

music to make me happy

i have a new amazon obsession. i go on there and find all kinds of music. music that i feel guilty buying for such low prices. but it's there, you know? ready to be purchased. so this past month i've just been buying and buying and it's so exciting. all this music comes to my front door from all over the world. the parcels are small enough to fit in my mail box so i don't have to go to the post office. so none of this. i also like that a lot of them come handwritten. and if they're from out of the country there's a little customs declaration form and i can see the sender's signature and their sworn testament that they're not mailing me dangerous explodable material. it's all very exciting.

i'm one of those of people who hasn't moved on to newer cooler technology. i still listen to cds cause they work in my car and that's the one place i really need my music. it's important to me to have great music on my way to work. it sets the mood you know. like all of last week i listened to three regina spektor songs over and over again. song number 1 , 4 and 6. fidelity, on the radio and hotel song. i went to work happy each day. and that's hard to do especially on a monday. the other cool thing about cds is i can play them at work. well most of them. my office really digs goldspot now. and travis and death cab for cutie. alright maybe not as much. but they're catching on. most importantly though i'm ridding the world of horrific 96.5 type music. next week i'll be educating them on some more travis and the ost to garden state [thanks art] and once and maybe some steven fretwell if it arrives soon enough.

No, this is how it works
You peer inside yourself
You take the things you like
And try to love the things you took

And then you take that love you made
And stick it into some
Someone else's heart
Pumping someone else's blood

And walking arm in arm
You hope it don't get harmed
But even if it does
You'll just do it all again

And on the radio
You hear, 'November Rain'
That solo's awful long
But it's a good refrain
You listen to it twice
'Cause the DJ is asleep

On the radio, on the radio
On the radio, uh oh, on the radio, uh oh
On the radio, uh oh, on the radio

***
in fantastic news my mother is going on vacation for a couple of weeks. yay peace and quiet. boo frozen food. i'm a terrible daughter i know.

***

in embarrassing news some lady tried to set me up with her son. in front of her son! but that's a whole other post.

***
also dear blaudience i don't feel the need to apologize for my posts. this right here is me explaining how i don't feel the need to apologize. like if you think i was funnier back in 2007 go read 2007. okay? and quit bitching. this is a personal blog. at least it's still here. with disco and the really short sentences. and i still update it. i haven't deleted it. i haven't switched urls on you. i haven't packed up and gone back to college and forgotten about you. hint hint. i'm not off writing a secret book. none of that. i'm still here. i still write about tv. and crap i buy. and movies i watch and people that annoy me. and i realize you miss gaysin but he's been in hiding ever since his dad got here. also that got old. you know it did.

p.s. who's watching the iifa awards tonight? why do they always show these things like a month after it actually happened?

the '09 bet awards also known as the most awesome tv night in years!

i spent my sunday evening watching the bet awards and following it live on twitter. it was the most absurd thing i've ever seen. i want it forever on dvd for sad days.

the award show was supposed to be a tribute to mj. they did like a five minute tribute at the end and the rest of the time jamie fox sang, collected an award, hosted the show, pimped his upcoming tour and sang some more. he even hosted the after show. it was ridiculous. the singing was all very live and therefore disastrous. beyonce wore a diamond studded swimsuit and sang ave maria. mj's father was partying it up with the rev. al sharpton. kanye's lady friend held up her red clutch to her face the whole time. lil wayne cussed like he was trying to create some type of guinness record. neyo was decent. there was no chris brown. there was no dancing. i only spotted one white person the entire time, the dude from entourage. it's like a celebrity contest each year. one lucky white person gets invited to the bet awards. here are some of my favorite tweets from the evening that i copied and saved just for you. pay attention also to the names of these folk.


TheBusBandit: Only on the BET Awards would the cameraman get knocked down by audience members trying to be on TV. Wow...just wow.....

chloeyb: watching the BET awards and wondering why do the fans have to be told to calm down!! come on BLACK PPL!!

c_neLz: Devoting 20% of my attention to the actual Awards & 80% of my attention to Twitter commentary.. Much more entertaining.

1MissSizeSexy: I am enjoyin the awards......I wanna see a MJ contribute but....its good.

itsBuffie: btw...after the awards I will be exposing someone..dnt be tough on twitter..cause u fragile in REAL life..smh

nogimmickneeded: if MJ hadn't of died, do you think he would have attended the BET awards?

enthahotness @nogimmickneeded: NO cause he white. you cant even get in the building if you white.

eshenayo: @NIKKI0J3 i don't discriminate, i didn't watch the MTV awards either :-)

HarleyzWorld: Ok pizza here lemme eat fa I pass out cus lawd these awards r dry... Whew..

Tmcocoa: @BOMBkid girl we gonna have to settle for YouTube n the bet awards for the night...niggas been lame lately

lasha45: this muthafucka just cursed on the BET awards. He is drunk or something

bremari: lol at Eddie Levert...the beep is like 2 seconds behind only at the BET Awards

charmful: WHY IS BEYONCE TRENDING AS NUMBER TWO? BEYONCE IS SECOND TO NONE. BEYONCE BEYONCE BEYONCE BEYONCE BEYONCE BEYONCE BEYONCE BEYONCE BEYONCE

mikeavila: Don Cornelius is never getting off the stage. EVER. This is the best hijacking of an awards show I've ever witnessed.

missladii8732: The BET awards r just too black for me.... Bring out Gucci and Juiceman.... BET awards r 2 shows away from being the Ozone awards

topnotchchik_09: ALL MY FELLOW TWIGGAS NEED TO VOTE FOR MY BOO TI FOR THE VIEWERS CHOICE AWARDS PLZ!!! & THNK U

simply_jean: LETS HAVE A MOMENT OF SILENCE FOR THE BET OF THE BET AWARDS.... YOU CANT WRITE STUFF LIKE THIS..... NO TWEETS FOR 3 SECONDS

Dereon_Diva: wear is my other sister?lol.SOLANGE M.I.A @ THE AWARDS

ChipBrownOB: We can't get two words in a row in Lil Wayne's rap on the BET Awards for obvious broadcast guideline reasons. Bunch a dead air baby ...

kendrad2188: dag when did the bet awards turn n2 such a hot mess. and dont get me started on t.i.'s main baby mama.

alright so everyone remembers boyzone and the backstreet boys but holy crap look what i just found!

does anyone remember these guys? and is that akon? it can't be. no wait it's not. omg maybe it is!

i would come home from school everyday and put on channel v in the hopes that they would play this song. heck i used to think the boy with the crazy orange curls was cute. i'm suddenly nostalgic for trey and by demand. trey was so hot. and funny. he'd always call these random restaurants out of the county and place these elaborate food orders and then after a good twenty minutes of talking he would give them his address and they'd hang up on him.

the only reason for this post was so i could use the words 'bonus material. i'm so cool. i make bonus material and only special folk get to read it.

apparently on amazon you're free to send people crap they didn't order along with crap they did order as long as it's free.

i received this random cd in its own seperate envelope. i was scared to even play it. for one the cover looked haunted.

also the band members looked mental. one guy had a mail box growing out of his head.

i'm tempted to mail it back with a thanks but no thanks note. or even better something random from my cassette collection.

ooh i know. maybe laadla/raja babu. i own that. at least i used to. i dont know why i would have bought it. i cant remember a single song.

except for the one song on the bed that they banned or were trying to have banned for vulgar dancing or something. heh.

bonus material for my blaudience only. twitter peeps i'm not yet as fond of.

did you know you can buy cd's on amazon for a penny? yes one penny. they have travis 'invisible band' for one penny. i am offended on behalf of travis.

shout out to my new anon hater with mpd. why you gotta ruin it with an apology? and if you have to apologize why you gotta copy paste the same exact apology three different times? change it up boy. or girl.

p.s. who's excited to watch 'year one'? i love michael cera. has anyone anywhere seen 'nick and norah's infinite playlist'? i'm still waiting to meet a single person who has seen it so i can discuss it with them.

someone in chapel hill, north carolina read my blog today. i've been waiting for this day for so long but damn it it can't be anoop cause he's in la. who could it be? mummy jee?

i do my part to save national treasures...using twitter.

hehe i'm very proud of myself today. i feel like i'm totally responsible for one of anoop's tweets and i took a picture to prove it. in my quest to become the ultimate noopdogg fangirl i have begun to stalk him on twitter. me and thousands of other tweens. i also stalk his friends and fellow clef hangers cause you never know what you'll find out. one of his friends, the hot black dude who accompanied him to his idol audition recently showed symptoms of the swine flu. i immediately alerted anoop because you know i'm a fan girl. also i was aware that the two of them had spent time together the previous day at the beach. anoop upon seeing my good advice tweeted his friend basically telling him to stay the eff away from him. okay something like that. see pic below.

this whole online adventure has made my afternoon so much fun. also i finally got my clef hanger cds. they only took like weeks to get here. plus i missed them once before and the stupid post office will not redeliver if you're not at home the first time. they leave you this threatening postcard warning you that they will RETURN THE ITEM TO SENDER if you do not act with haste. fuck them.

my mother had to go wait in line at the post office this afternoon to collect it after having forged my signature [with my permission] on the back. she calls me at work.

pri you forgot to sign the silly postcard.

omg mother just forge my signature no.

usshu no no this is us postal service.

ma don't be silly. no one is going to arrest you.

mmmm...

ma please. it's my anoop cd. they will RETURN it TO SENDER if you don't go right now.

aah okay okay. what and all you make me do for you.

thanks ma. you're the best.

i got home from work and the parcel was sitting on my couch. it's adorable and yellow much like 90% of all parcels. and someone wrote my name and address on the front in really neat cursive handwriting. and they spelt it perfectly. and it says university of north carolina on it. i've decided i'm gonna save it till im ninety. and on the inside of one cd there's tiny pics of anoop. i think they're anoop. i can't really tell. it's a big group. yayyyyyyyyy!!! this evening keeps getting better. my mother just announced she has made pineapple acharu and look i have a new follower on twitter. someone named prakash shah who is following 370 people and has 1 person following him back. that's just sad. i will follow him. okay maybe not. he's tweeting about the bollywood strike and how it's having ripple effects across the universe.

oh jammy.

i've thought about this all afternoon but i can't pick my favourite moment from today. you dropping that sitter or you attempting that ridiculous shot. you know, the one that started it all.

hello,

my team RCB managed to enter the finals of the ipl shocking everyone. they followed it up by losing a game no one thought they could possibly lose. they're cool like that. i watched in fascination as wicket after wicket fell. then i watched in even more fascination as the closing ceremony began. i've never watched an ipl ceremony before, opening or closing, so this came as a mild shock. it did however bring the lols at a time when i needed it most. what ensued was this unfortunate improptu live tweet coverage.


nahiiiiiiiin! wtf jammy wtf?

omg president zuma you're adorable and all but dude you gotta talk faster than that. this shit is live.

good lord! someone hand the man an energy drink.

u hear that uthappa? you gotta smack that. one damn six was all we needed.

how much do you think akon would go for? i say we sell pietersen for akon. mallya get out your checkbook.

@aritra_m worst lip sync ever? really? clearly you haven't been watching idol this year. he sure got his continents mixed up though.

look y'all a balloon carrying an angel floating to the omen theme. and now akon crowns miss transvestite bollywood. this is a dream right?

@mallya: also can we sell a couple of cheerleaders for the hairy homeless guy with the giant wheel of fire on his head? he be awesome!

awwww what well coordinated bhumi chakras. and it's only may!

what was that? jai hoe indeed. bitch the least you can do is look sad. your team lost!

apparently this is a moment of great pride for desis everywhere as ipl becomes a trending topic on twitter.

p.s. if for some reason you missed this epic fail of an event you can check it out here here and here.

p.p.s. i found this incredibly genius sentence on this incredibly genius blog and i just had to share it with you.

"The Chargers were charged up and the Challengers just weren’t challenging enough. As a result, the Deccan Chargers beat the Royal Challengers Bangalore today and were crowned champions of the IPLSAE (Indian Premier League, South African Edition)." you can read the rest here.