Saturday, February 10, 2007

Dull girl leaves the office

Today was C's last day here. It would be an understatement to say that I was looking forward to her leaving. We were all looking forward to her leaving. After Cruella was fired C became our next bitching target. [I know, we're terrible. Get over it.]

C was easily the dullest person I've ever known. Fickle minded like no other person I’ve ever met and believe me I’ve met a lot of them in my short life. [Hmmm I wonder if I just jinxed it. I might die tomorrow and then people will read this and be like OMG she totally predicted her own death. And ill be famous and people will laugh. You know, like the guy who invented the Richter scale and then died in an earthquake] So back to C. She was paranoid [about everything] and liked to talk...a lot. She thought everyone at work hated her. [I guess she was right about that.] She was unbelievably slow [and I don’t mean with work, well that too], wedding obsessed -that would take another whole blog post. She was the sort of person who would ask your opinion on everything but would argue with you no matter what you said. I think she just needed to have someone listen [or in my case pretend to listen] until she figured out in that weird flowchart type brain that she had whatever it was she wanted. I found that the best way to end the conversation was to give your answer and leave the room as quickly as possible. If you stood there and just nodded the conversation could go on [and it has many many times] forever. When she needed to ask you a favour she would beat around the bush until you guessed what it was and once you had agreed to do it [most times just to get her to shut the fuck up] you would always hear a “Umm are you sure? But are you sure? Ohhhhhh! Okay... I mean... unless... I could just do it you know… but if you want to? Umm I guess. Okay ill just let you do it” followed by an extremely annoying giggle.

C’s favourite words included ‘unless’, ‘ummmm’, 'i guess', ‘although’, ‘hmmmm’, ‘ohhhhhhhhhhhhh’, ‘but’, ‘well’ and her most favourite word whenever she was mad at someone ironically was ‘aggravating’.

Anyone seen talking to her always had this look of desperation on their face. This was because C could make a minute seem like an eternity. "How can we make her talk faster?" was a question i'd gotten very used to hearing. C was also very neat. And by very neat i mean scary neat. I loved messing up her neat little arrangements just to piss her off. C also loved to announce things as she did them. Maybe this helped her brain process things faster i dont know. What i do know is that she couldn't multitask to save her life. When given a task she liked to talk about it and ask your opinion on how it was to be done even if it was something as simple as "Could you hand this over to someone?" She also loved to repeat things just for the fun of it. C was also obsessed with her things. For example say she had been using a particular pen that day and you happened to borrow it for a second she would freak out and follow you around until you returned it. This was supposedly because she had gotten the ink to flow nice and smooth and she was too lazy to walk a few steps to the cabinet with the boxes of the other perfectly good pens because those didn't write right.

Anyway today she left and we got her a little cake and sang her a little song. I was amazed at how well we pulled off the whole thing considering we had just been bitching about her some ten minutes earlier. I totally enjoyed our little fake five minutes when everyone complemented her on her hair. L claimed she could tell C felt very pretty later because she kept touching her hair.
God i love the office. It brings out the inner bitch in me.

1 comment:

The Visitor said...

C’s favourite words included ‘unless’, ‘ummmm’, 'i guess', ‘although’, ‘hmmmm’, ‘ohhhhhhhhhhhhh’, ‘but’, ‘well’

You could have been describing me!