Monday, October 29, 2007


awwww i just read this.

Teen boy: Do you ever wonder, like, if you die, what will happen to your MySpace and your Internet stuff?

Teen girl: Yeah. You have my password, right? Promise me you'll go on and approve the good comments?

soupie/kb which one of you would like this responsibility?

woo hoo its my blog birthday! i know this because i'm lame and i keep track of such events. but of course you already knew that. i was even going to do a countdown but then i forgot. also i was distracted by the quiz which YOU have yet to take. do it!

right, so the point of this post is to tell you that i want birthday presents. and no not a poem. a real virtual gift. personalized. or not. also you may take this opportunity to say how the existence of this blog has changed your life. for the better.

thank you for visiting me over and over again. or that one time when you stayed for eight seconds after googling 'cleavage indian girls'.

but really, thank you for being a part of my strange world. virtual hugs for everyone.

Sunday, October 28, 2007

How well do you know me?

On the 29th this blog turns ONE. To celebrate this joyous occasion we are having a how well do you know me quiz. Silent stalkers, this is your moment to shine. Answers will be posted in a few days and the top three winners will be announced. If only three people take part YOU WILL BE GUARANTEED A WIN! So go on, impress me. Of course there will be prizes. Maybe even a virtual hug.

You can email your answers to

p.s inaccurate but hysterical answers may still get points.

1. what former pet did i accidentally eat?

2. what tv show do celebrities have to appear on in order for me to fall in love with them?

3. where did i learn the gayatri mantra?

4. how many times have i been pulled over? bonus question [how many times has this lead to me getting a ticket?]

5. name the only two things i can cook

6. what do the creepy paintings in my house that occasionally switch places depict?

7. a fake version of this product can be purchased in shivaji nagar under the name 'iski maaki'. what is the name of the original product?

8. name two people who have been guest writers on this blog.

9. pick the odd one out. and no row/column. give me a name.

10. what was demanded in exchange for the boss' kidnapped stapler?

11. is karen a boy or a girl or are we still undecided on this matter?

12. what have i always wanted to name my gold fish? [clue: this is also partly the reason i've wanted a gold fish]

13. who said the following? "Ugh Pri, she is so weird. I mean i find it unbelievable that a girl her age has never been attracted to a guy. And it's not like she could be gay either. She doesn't have the imagination to be homosexual."

14. name a member of the band 'just nim ulsoor lake'

15. what is stalker shanmuga's real name?

16. who said the following?

On Shilpa Shetty's dancing - "Why she is shaking only one side? She will dislocate her hip."

On Karan Johar: "Aah i like this boy a lot. See so neatly he's come off. I want to have coffee with him."

On Akshaye Khanna: "Who is that chapraasi fellow next to Anil Kapoor?"

17. the only poem ever featured on this blog was a tribute to what chocolate?

18. what hilarious incident at the office led to the creation of this permanent notice?

19. true of false. rohan kurien is a terrible kisser.

20. what radio station does gay cousin who doesn't know he's gay yet listen to? what colour disco lights does he have in his car?

Friday, October 26, 2007

i hate to admit it but i miss you colorado.

i miss the comfort of my old job. the comfort of being able to stroll into work around 10:45ish [with strong emphasis on the ish] wearing a kurta and flip flops. and being able to surf the net for the rest of the day. i miss the luxury of having chinese food delivered in five minutes without having to say more than a hello. they knew my voice. they knew where i worked. and they knew to make it ridiculously hot.

i miss you fun work people with your big smiles, highly inappropriate questions and occasional art work. i miss being able to sleep walk through the day without the boss having a clue. i miss being able to walk into the nail place and be attended to right away. i miss the people at starbucks. at both the starbucks who knew my drink order and knew i was always late so to make it quick. i miss you nice lady at walgreens who always billed me at the cosmetics counter. i miss you pretty mountains and yes even you random farm animals. okay not as much as the other stuff but i miss you.

i miss the familiarity of it all.

Thursday, October 25, 2007

it is our duty as tv people to help the not so fortunate grad students in their quest to understand emmy winning television shows, namely ugly betty.

warning: long, banterful, a complete waste of time.

me: wats over fool?
revealed: examsssssssssss
me: yay
revealed: whooooooooooo hooooooooooo
me: i totally bunked work today
revealed: omg
me: pretended to have the flu
revealed: bitch
me: heres my question
revealed: are you even slightly sick?
me: can i get over the flu by tomorrow?
revealed: yeah
me: really?
revealed: 24 hour flu
me: 1 one day flu?
um ok
revealed: yes
me: heh
and to ans ure q
revealed: it is a known fact [grin] you will be so off the hook
me: i am not even a lil bit sick
i just had a long day nenne
and i decided i totally hated my job
revealed: ok so tell me this
me: this morning i was like ughhhhh not another day
so i called off at 7:30
revealed: well done
me: woke up direct call
my sleepy voice
totally believable
revealed: [smile]
well done
we saloot your courage
i have question too
what is good on tv today
me: omg
u crazy bitch
its thursday!!!
i cant believe ure asking me this
first of all u should already be watching tv
it all starts at 7
revealed: omggg
me: heres the tough decision
revealed: what what starts at 7
me: nbc or abc?
revealed: i dunno
what is on which
me: ugly betty is on abc RIGHT NOW
till 8
revealed: ok...
and on nbc?
me: but 30 rock
the office
heres wat i recommend
stick to abc
from 7 till 10
ugly betty
followed by greys anatomy
followed by the big shots
then go online to
and watch the office and 30 rock
revealed: hahahahahahahahahaha
me: no no
revealed: sorry [smile]
me: dont loff
revealed: inappropriate laughter
me: this is not a joke
im serious
revealed: ok
me: i take this very seriously
revealed: so we stick to ugly betty
me: sure
but since u already missed 10 mins
revealed: uh oh
me: u could just watch 30 rock in twenty
and watch ugly betty online
the best part
revealed: aaha
me: 30 second ads!
revealed: hahahahah
me: again
revealed: fine then
me: the loffter
revealed: apparently it's a good day to stay at home
me: totally insulting
revealed: sorry
yes totally
and inappropriate
me: omg it totally is
revealed: i am such an asian
me: heh
revealed: more inappropriateness
have you never noticed how the asians laugh the most inappropriately?
me: aah
revealed: and hysterically?
for the weirdest things?
me: and when u say asians
u mean?
revealed: i mean chinks
me: aah
chinese people
revealed: firmly disbelieve that we are asian
we are not asian
we are indian
me: heh
me to
revealed: vairy different
me: too
revealed: [grin]
me: which is why i was all confused
revealed: [grin]
all cleared up now?
confusion disappeared?
me: yes
now go make fun plans for us this weekend
revealed: hokay
me: im not working
revealed: yayyyyyy
we will do something very fun
me: um sure
u make it sound very promising
revealed: [grin]
lemme think and propound plans
me: aah
i gotto go
wilhelmina is planning to destroy mode
revealed: wait
who is wilhelmina?
what is mode?
why are we gasping?
me: um
revealed: why do i not understand this!
me: are u an ugly betty virgin?
revealed: yes
never watched it
me: wat?
revealed: thursday nights babe
me: wat?
oh god
revealed: who has the time?
me: u poor poor student person
revealed: yes
this is true
very poor
so it's about an ugly person?
me: so w is the character played by vanessa williams
u know her no?
revealed: yes
me: mode is the name of the fashion magazine
they all work for
revealed: hokay
me: singer/actress.former miss usa who posed naked thereby shocking the world
revealed: hah
who are all these old people?
me: heh
i have no idea
but that girl with the boobs
revealed: weird
me: is ugly betty's sis
revealed: oh!
me: they're in her house
revealed: bizarrely
who is little boy?
me: thats ugly betty's little gay nephew
revealed: ooh
me: who just lost his daddy
revealed: awwwwwwww
me: so hes trying to be like his daddy
wearing his leather jacket
revealed: awwwwwwww
me: and flirting with girls
but totally gay
this is ub's boss
revealed: who is smart boy in suit?
me: not smart
wait they'll show ub's non boyfriend in a while
now he is smart geeky boy
totally hot
revealed: ooh
me: this is daniel's mother
revealed: how old is betty person?
me: who escaped from prison
revealed: she is evil, no?
i can see she is evil
me: she killed her husband's ex mistress
revealed: woah
me: who happens to be the receptionist's mother
father we r still trying to research
this old man is ub's dad
he loves watching mexican soaps
hispanic soaps
latina soaps?
revealed: ub lives with these guys?
me: these people
are her family
her sis
her dad
her little gay nephew
revealed: so she lives with them?
me: yes fool
who would u be living with if ure name was ugly betty
revealed: zank you simple questions get such complicated answers
who is blonde bimbo?
me: ok this is ub's boss' sister
she was formerly his brother
revealed: ooohhhh
me: then he died and came back as a girl
but then he lost his memory
revealed: excellent
me: so now he doesn't know why he has boobs
but he's totally enjoying it
revealed: hahahahahaha
me: ok this is who i need u to concentrate on
in purple sweater and red tie
revealed: nooooooo ewwwwwwwwwww
me: do u recognise his asian friend?
revealed: no
who who
asian friend is cute
me: from harold and kumar?
revealed: oh
me: no?
i think
revealed: never saw white castle
me: u dont think ub's non bf is cute?
hes sooooooooo cute
revealed: no
not at-tall
me: hmmm
but you're doing a phd
revealed: yes
hence the allergy to geeks
me: wat kind of boys r u into? she asked being very non generalizing
revealed: no?
would never date a guy from grad school
me: aah
revealed: how sad would that be
me: yes
oh and thats ub
i dont think i introduced her to u
revealed: hahahaha
knew that one
me: really?
you're smarter than i think u r
this lady with the british accent
is betty's friend
also tailor at mode
wannabe designer
revealed: wow
just got into hot water
poor leddy
me: oh no
he's leaving
revealed: yeah
very tragic
me: who the eff is leddy?
revealed: men are such dickheads
me: heeee
revealed: the wife
who was not single
me: huh
r we watching the same show?
revealed: the blonde british chick
with the husband
me: aah
revealed: yes!!
me: which husband?
revealed: she just got caught by hubby
me: she's married
revealed: apparently!
me: really?
revealed: she was all like you're a creepy stalker
me: see you're distracting me
revealed: and that chappie was like no i'm your husband
and she said crap
and closed her lappy
saw it all, i did [grin]
me: i dont pay much attention to the not so important characters
revealed: tsk tsk
me: esp when im busy with my scene by scene commentary to YOU
revealed: [grin]
me: damn
revealed: awww but it is so amazingly sweet of you
me: i didnt even know she was married
im not doing the same for the next show
revealed: [grin]
me: greys anatomy is serious stuff
revealed: i watch grey's
me: oh thank god
revealed: [grin]
me: who is this fool?
in brown
who wears brown from head to toe?
revealed: dunno
poor chap
i'm rooting for him
me: dont u love poodle over here in the purple bow tie?
revealed: burn
me: heh
the crazy bitch is playing all by herself
revealed: yeah poor baby
me: oh yay look its the non boyfriend
oh and not to ruin it for u
revealed: yay
me: but he's totally gonna propose to her this episode
i know
from like commercials during the week
revealed: omgggggggggg
me: heh
do u need to sit down for this?
revealed: already lounging on sofa
me: did he just say bird flu?
revealed: cant sit up
yes [grin]
me: haaah
so cute
i need to use that the next time i call in
i had the bird flu
revealed: why are they avoiding each other?
you cant have the bird flu! your bird can have the bird flu
me: cause he totally sperminated this other non important character
revealed: he's cute
me: first we thought she was faking it
but turns out the bitch is really sperminated
see i told u he is cute
revealed: yes yes
me: ooh uncomfortable confrontation
revealed: awwww
me: r u listening to this
he says when someone asks u out to drinks and a movie its a date
revealed: yes totally
me: um
revealed: hahahahahah
no drinks for you then
me: u weren't asking me on a date right?
revealed: nuh uh nevah mentioned alcohol, missy
wonly movie
doesnt count
me: k
good good
this is their father
revealed: the foppy jackass shoulda apologized
me: wilhelmina is trying to marry the budda
she wants to own mode
revealed: oooh flashback
me: don't u love it?
revealed: why is she dressed as the maid?
me: no no she's trying to be all motherly
revealed: very housewivesish
me: notiss the silver mini underneath
revealed: yeah thought she was being like slutty maid
rich slutty maid
me: oh and lady with lesbian hairstyle aiming for her forehead is the mother
revealed: yes
me: original mother who killed former mistress
revealed: i say go mom
me: yay
revealed: [grin]
me: u get ads no
revealed: yes
me: good
revealed: absholootly
many many
me: im tired
revealed: hahahahahaha
from bunking work all day?
me: hmm u think they'll show bm's fav commercial?
revealed: yeah i hear that can be very tiring
what is bm's fave one?
me: the depression one
revealed: that's her fave?
me: 'depression hurts'
revealed: why is that her fave?
me: i think
revealed: heh
me: heeee
she mentioned it
in her therapy post
i think
revealed: heh
don't remember
me: u dont?
but it was her last one before she left the blog world
i was traumatized
revealed: hahahahaha
i undahstand
me: i read it over and over again
no u dont!
revealed: ok
but i could
if i tried really hard
till my head hurt
me: dont u hate furniture store ads?
waste of time!
revealed: yeah totally
cos it reminds me that i dont have anything in my dining room
me: heh
revealed: not a stick
me: which is okay
revealed: and they'll go for only 1200
and i'm like yeah! that's my salary
me: cause who ever uses the dining table?
unless u have visitors?
revealed: hahahaha
fact once we get a table we're going to miss the space
me: why r u getting a table?
revealed: so we can call people home for dinner
me: like who people?
revealed: hahahaha
me: you're students
revealed: go daniel
like grad school people
me: why r they all celebrating christmas?
revealed: were people too yknow
me: um sure
revealed: tradition, baba
me: but its october fool
revealed: the maid is marrying the dad?
me: yes
revealed: dang it
me: were u not paying attention this whole time?
revealed: no no i wasnt
me: did her jail friend just say "lets go to italy"?
that was so random
like why italy?
revealed: yeah
well why not
italy's a place
people go there
me: why r these old people still here?
revealed: they're asleep
me: ooh the cops
revealed: everyone's in trouble
shes annoying
me: she always wears these cool alien inspired clothes
i like it
revealed: heh
awww give him the chance
me: good god her flashbacks r so vague
revealed: no no
very clear
mean dad
yells at sons
me: heh
ooh i think nows the proposal
revealed: he isnt cute but he's cute
me: he's very cute
revealed: hahahahahaha
me: oh no!
revealed: he's not dhakkan
me: so he isnt really proposing
revealed: awww
me: damn u random lady in the restaurant
revealed: burn again
hahahaha they tricked you
me: damn u fake ads
revealed: these damn tv people
me: they did!
revealed: sold their souls to the devil
me: playing with my head
revealed: yeah!
me: sob
revealed: we should do the mom thing
me: huh? wat?
wat mum thing?
revealed: and stand outside their windows
with rifles
me: aah
revealed: at least you can
and then i'll come and say
let's go to italy
only we cant cos i cant afford it
damn mom who can afford italy
me: u mean 'the ex wife with lesbian hairstyle who killed the ex mistress' thing
revealed: yes
think it's very cool
me: ok
and instead of italy
we could go to olive garden
i heart their tuscan garlic chicken
revealed: ooohh
me: and their tiramisu
only they lie
revealed: yeah we could
olive garden rocks
me: that dessert has no alcohal in it
revealed: they dont lie!
damn em!
this is why we should go to italy
me: or
revealed: bet the italians put real alcohol in their tiramisu
me: we could pour a couple of spoons
or shots
of our favourite alcohol onto it
revealed: tsk no! i will not compromise
me: let it soak it all in
revealed: i ask for tira misu i should get tiramisu no?
not fake AA tiramisu
me: yes
i knoW!
stand up stand up
stand up for your rights
revealed: oooh housewives ad
me: dont u hate the new one?
shes so mean
revealed: yeah
hate her
hard as nails
me: and she wont share her recipes with poor bree
i love bree
revealed: yeesh
i have no love for bree
me: and shes done somehting mean
revealed: or new york
but that's just me
me: to her daughter
like wiped out her memory
or something
revealed: yeah! obviously
me: why dont u like bree?
revealed: bree's too orange
me: wat does new york have to do with it?
and by ny do u mean the place
or the reality tv star?
revealed: cos apparently tons of people have love for new york
who knew?
me: she is not too orange
revealed: is so
me: no one does orange like bree
uh duh!
new yorks so cool
or they make it seem like that on tv
revealed: yeeshhhhhhhh
me: and in movies
revealed: hahahahahaha
we are talking reality tv?
me: and we all know how much i believe in the crap i watch on tv
no just any tv
revealed: i am talking reality tv
and i'm talking midget man
and big fake boobs
me: notiss how the contents of their fridge are so tricolour
revealed: hahahahaha
me: ooh confrontation
kids gonna cry
he looks desi no?
oh blah
they miss the father it seems
revealed: totally desi
it was an awww moment
me: he showed up in like all of two episodes
if i don't miss him they cant possibly miss him
revealed: omg
me: i barely remember wat he looks like
wats with the music?
revealed: psycho
me: oh they're watching it?
revealed: yes yes keep up!
me: sorry
why wasn't he superman
or spiderman
way cuter than that other fool
revealed: omggg
he is awfully uncute
me: make up your mind will u
don't quit mode
we like u
revealed: but betty doesnt
oh she's back
me: ooh other option se says
revealed: omggggggg
me: ooh they're kissing
revealed: i have never kissed someone with braces on
me: where did that come from?
revealed: wonder how it feels
me: bwahahaha
revealed: get a roommmm
me: well all u have to do is kiss someone sitting next to u in class tomorrow
revealed: hahahahahahha
me: where was the scene of him in his underwear
like from the ads
geek boy in undies?
revealed: omgg we should totally see dan in real life
me: did i miss it
hes so funneh
revealed: yeahhh
me: omg we did it
revealed: let's go saturday
did what?
me: we watched ugly betty while gtalking simultaneously
yes lets
revealed: hahahahahaha
course we did!
and yayyyy (for dan plan)
me: i might be putting this on my blog
revealed: hahahahahahahaha
me: just fyi
revealed: blog fodder
me: heh
revealed: i have no blog fodder
me: awwww
put it too
revealed: hahahahaha
me: but see something like this
revealed: yeah maybe i will
me: is so not your blog
its totally my blog though
revealed: very true
very true again
me: heh
revealed: this is new show?
samantha who/
you have seen? not yet started?
me: i need to go pee and find a snack before greys anatomy starts
revealed: hahahahaha
go go
me: i saw part of it
revealed: i need to cook
me: i have to go watch it online
um okay
have fun with that
revealed: [smile]
thank you

this just proves that you dear reader will read just about anything.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

I see your no updates and i raise you lotsa links that point to your no updates thereby solving my no update problem.

I totally used that wrong no?

Apparently it's perfectly acceptable to cancel an episode of 'Boston Legal' with no prior warning to instead broadcast a live California fire update. However when it comes to 'Dancing with the stars' aah the show must go on. wtf?

angry unsympathetic viewer.


Deep breath. Moving on...

To all the two people complaining about the lack of updates on this blog i have this to say in my defense or in my defence. Which one is it? I am working on that pop quiz i promised. You know, the one about me, to um celebrate me talking about me for a whole entire year.

Now if you want to impress me you will go study. Hard.

This will of course be an open book blog quiz. However much like other quizzes about people on the internet this one will have a time limit. And a prize. A fun one.

And talking about people who don't update their blogs for months together does anyone know what happened to Gounder Brownie? First she disappears. Then she reappears under a different url and now she has gone missing again.

And ATP we love you for your equal opportunity hating but honey you have got to post more than once a month! Go watch a wedding for inspiration or something. Talking about watching a wedding this one lady at work is throwing a 'wedding' birthday party for her 4 year old. Like seriously. And this other co worker now hates me because i mistook her son for her daughter. It had braids! I also thought it was 7. Turns out its only two. Apparently the 07 was for the year the picture was taken.

Other lazy ass bloggers i'd like to take this opportunity to call out include CS. Maybe its time to have mother visit or something. She brings out the funny in you. For the people who have no idea what i'm talking about go read this.

Also TS you lazy fuck. First you write all these pretty stories and after we're hooked you post pictures that you claim you took on your camera phone even though everyone knows you're lying and then you post you tube videos and now a sports post? For the record any sports post that isn't about cricket isn't really a post. Now go write a touching story about a drunk girl in the middle of the road or a drunk boy in rehab who later went on to become a famous musician.

And what is the meaning of this? When people write uncomment friendly posts how are we supposed to clarify our doubts? Plus when they threaten to close their blogs down but continue to blog anyway and then write posts titled FULLSTOP with a no comment feature can you blame us for thinking they're done. Then they come back with some lame one liner that makes sense only to them.

Oh and will someone tell this woman [yes we know you're a woman] that this is not a real recipe. And believe me we know a real recipe when we see one. For example this work of art.

The only person i can't really complain about is KA. I don't know how he does it but he blogs almost every single day. And his posts aren't omg how dare they cancel my tv show or omg look new shoes type posts. They're real posts with big words, sometimes most times bilingual and with pictures and maps and diagrams. How do you do it Krish Attack? How?

I was gonna pick on this fool but he just updated his blog. Something about having an imaginary conversation with a pani puri eating goddess about preserving buildings or something. Dude you lost me at diaphanous. Although that did make me go google it and now i know that it means transparent so yay! But please, make fun of someone no while showing off your ridiculous amount of knowledge on classical music and god knows every language ever spoken in the known universe. Also what is your secret to winning contests you never entered and getting marriage proposals you never asked for?

Oh and BM is back in case you'll weren't invited. Yay. I feel all special. Also BM and the tiniest person in the universe aka possibly my new best Houston friend have this new terribly designed blog where bloggers write guest posts in a non them way? Did i get that right? Go see. Alrighty i have to go finish that quiz i haven't started yet. Muah.

Thursday, October 18, 2007

this is how lazy i am and omg look it's a real live blogger!

so i get home tonight after the show and im too lazy to fry an egg but im hungry right so i look in the refrigerator and i find this Pillsbury cookie dough. they're these tiny square that you put in the oven for some 12 mins and they're done. so i put like four in and i figure 6 minutes should be good. plus i like to time my cooking during commercial time and obama was on leno. anyway i check back at a convenient time cause like who sets alarms right, and it looks all gooey so i keep it in a little longer and then i can smell it. you know that wonderful baking smell, which makes me hungrier so i don't wait the two minutes im supposed to wait for it to cool. instead i transfer it straight to my plate and then eat it with a fork because its still hot.

oh and at the store i almost bought the brownie dough only it said i would need to squeeze the dough onto a pan and i was like fuck that. thats an extra step. then there's the cutting of the brownies into squares. too much work, which is why i went with the cookies. they're good too. i highly recommend them. you cant eat more than three though. too sweet.

so did anyone watch obama on the tonight show? there was this comedian guy on as well and he cracked me up. he goes "this is how liberal i am. i am for gay stem cell research". heh.

so i got to meet my first blogger today. and no she was not an axe murderer, ms brittany you can quit worrying. it was in fact ms. revealed aka the flaffmeister who has got to be the tiniest person in all of the world. and apparently she runs for an hour everyday. then she chugs beer and orders fries. it wasn't even on the menu! so we were at this sort of desi event and we didn't see a single cute desi boy. we looked. even paul varghese turned up looking like a taller skinnier version of tushar kapoor. very sad. plus we think he might've been drunk the whole time. this paul varghese dude has a blog and sometime last week i left a comment on there asking a very important question about the show and the fool never replied. anyway the correct answer would've been No, it is in fact NOT auntyjee appropriate. paul varghese thanks for nothing.

after the show revealed and i stood around the parking lot talking about horse tails and other bloggers and a phd beer pong party and how i really need to go out drinking instead of buying wine from krogers and drinking it straight out of the bottle. so anyway my point is i did almost everything my mother warns me never to do. first i meet someone from the internet. then we stand around talking for a good twenty minutes in a deserted parking lot late at night. and then i come home and eat three cookies for dinner!

p.s as i type this gmail keeps giving me sponsored links from the random bits of information from my text. so far i have:

Keep Pork off Your Fork
Check out our list of the Top 10 reasons not to eat pigs.

Oven Baked Horse Cookies
Formulated by Dr. Jane Bicks

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

reality tv, an anniversary, pink or brown? or both?

ill be honest. my life is completely boring at the moment and has been for the longest time, which is why the blog has been neglected. but i feel like i owe you'll a post. plus i know you guys will read just about anything so here's a tv post - this season's top five four must see trashy tv reality shows:

1. America's most smartest model - so they're looking for a smart model only they've picked the dumbest contestants on the planet because it's you know a television show. they have quizzes and spelling bees. watch out for the crazy russian axe murderer dude.

2. I love new york - new york of i want flavor flav's clock fame is searching for love, again. watch out for midget man who claims um who claims all kinds of different inappropriate things.

3. Pageant Place - this one stars miss usa [yes the same one who fell on her ass bringing much joy to the universe] and tara corner [the one who went to rehab bringing much joy to the viewers of the view] and miss teen usa [who supposedly made out with tara corner and then ratted her out to trump] and miss universe who seemed like the normal one until she showed up at the airport minus a passport or any form of id. oh but she was carrying her miss universe sash in a clear plastic bag, also a picture of her wearing the crown. the guy at the check in counter didn't seem to recognise her. he was told to google her.

4. A shot of love with tila tequila - another dating show, only tila is bisexual so the contestants are a mix of straight men and lesbians who dont know about each other. until episode 2.

random observation: are tranny hookers the new black? there's one on 'big shots' and one on 'dirty sexy money' and i swear i saw one on another show. i cant remember which.

also a regular reader of this blog had this to day "Your blog, it's more NRIy now. i don't relate to it. you sold out pri, you became one of them. you went commercial. its like veena stores in malleshwaram selling hamburgers."

is this true? i think not.
i realise this post isn't the best example but can you blame me? i am directv-less. what else am i supposed to write about?

in other lame news you wish you didn't have to know, i discovered a new shoe store today, its all unique and boutique-y. i bought some really pretty brown peep toe shoes that i know i can wear to work and that i know will go with tons of things but all i've been thinking about are the pink peep toe ones i left behind. the ones that will go with like 2 things in my wardrobe. okay 5. but they're so pretty. you think i should exchange the brown ones?

in making new friends in the city news, i might be meeting a fellow blogger tomorrow night. it will be my first blogger meeting. so much fun!

stat counter tells me:

someone in scotland googled 'potty time food that u can eet wive you finges'. right. gross.

someone in malaysia googled 'process of meeting a new friend'. awwww you poor thing! wait. if you find any info pass it on.

someone in switzerland googled 'Vodka with reindeer blood'. is this the new pani puri with vodka?

someone in mumbai googled 'review of exploring colourful word of khadi bedsheet'. huh? who?

p.s. this blog will be turning 1 soon and in honour of its anniversary i'm thinking of having a pop quiz. about me. cause i'm so one of those people who would do that. do your homework. and hugs to all the people who emailed me to say wtf? its been more than 48 minutes and there hasn't been a new post from you. is everything okay? awwww i heart you random strangers.

midget update: our friend almost drowned this week. here's what 'best week ever' said "in case you had no idea why there was a midget in the lake here's what lead up to these events. the midget was trying to swim across the lake to win new york's love. new york who flava flav didn't want. flava flav who bridgette nielsen didnt want. so thats why there was a midget trying to swim across a lake."

to truly appreciate the above summary you have to know what these people look like. google them at once!

Saturday, October 06, 2007

30 rock is back!

From last night's season premiere:

Tracy Jordon - "Kenneth, will you take this ring…and sell it in the Jewish part of Midtown, then go get us a Nintendo Wii?"

Liz - "I don't need society's permission to buy a white dress. Who says this is a wedding dress anyway? In Korea they wear white to funerals."
Later when Tracy sees her in a white dress- "Oh no! Did a Korean person die?"

And hot desi boy is back y'all. And miss Gabby shame on you! You got me all excited when you said he had a talking part. All he said was "Seinfeld's here" but it's cool, he provides the eye candy and we love him. And the show. Watch the show.

Friday, October 05, 2007

Friend wanted for friendless 24 year old female in new city

sex/sexual orientation/age no bar. however candidates who were in existence before the first cricket world cup have a slim chance of being selected.

minimum qualifications required:

must enjoy movies
must be willing to go to the theater and pay to watch movies. said movies might be in foreign languages.
must not end every sentence with 'yaar'
must enjoy fashion and shopping
must like to eat out a lot [see last prereq]
must drink alcohol
must be familiar with and use the texting feature on a cell phone
must be familiar with local and international television shows
must be familiar with the lives of national and international celebrities [candidate might be required to do a pretest]
must be willing to do stuff on days that are not only weekends or holidays
must have heard of cricket [being a cricket fan is not a prereq, one could always be converted]
must be spontaneous
must be okay with dead baby jokes
must be okay with dead bucknor jokes
must not cancel on friendless 24 year old female last minute on plans made weeks in advance.
must be flexible with friendless 24 year old rescheduling plans made weeks in advance for never.
must enjoy stand up comedy and must be willing to spend the fifteen dollars or the twenty five dollars or the forty five dollars it costs to go see excellent comics at the local comedy club.
must be familiar with the city and must be willing to drive or be driven to tons of different places.
must not constantly be on a diet. must like things fried in butter.

preferred but not a criteria:

ability to fix things or know people who can fix things* for free.
not currently have a restraining order filed against them [except if the person/group of people filing the order is a member of indian cricket team or is the indian cricket team]
be willing to experiment in borderline illegal activities.
be familiar with urban dictionary lingo

extra points if:

good looking
know good looking people
speak kannada or tamil
are from bangalore
are cricket fans
are talented cooks

instant disqualifiers:

non bathers
regular bathers with genetic sweat disorders who therefore have constant body odor problems
annoying voice/laugh
fake accent [look if it's once in a while and you can switch back and forth and make fun of yourself fine but if you do it constantly and you're doing it wrong, i can tell and i might kill you or have you killed.]

*laptops, light bulbs, car parts, heels, buttons

candidates may apply via comments or may email me at

you may expect a reply to your application anytime between 2 - 4 minutes.

thank you cum again.

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

In news from the interweb

I assume you are all aware of the sad demise of my dear friend Directv. Now what this means is my only link to all things Desi is the interweb. Earlier this evening i diligently checked the following websites in no particular order - NDTV, CNN IBN, MSN and a cricket website. To my great joy i discovered the following ridiculousness headlines and quotes.

Cricketnext: What do think of Sreesanth?

Yohannan - "Sreesanth has countless ways of frustrating a batsmen. He speaks to the batmen sometimes in Arabic, actually it isn't Arabic, he has his own languages through which he sends warning messages to the batsman."

You know, of all the mentally unstable cricketers we are privileged to have in our team this fool had to be the chosen one last Monday to be standing under that ball.

We have so much to be grateful for. So much.

'Dhoni will make a difference to cricket' - Chappell spoke to CNN-IBN about his time in India and on his comeback.

I'm sorry, on his what?

Quick gather all the boys in a huddle and remove group drishti.

Oh no! It's too late.

Strategically placed right below the Chappell article: Injured Ganguly to sit out second ODI.

Calcutta what are you doing? Enough with the celebrations. Its time for one of your special Dada pujos. And someone please inform Mr. Somnath Chatterjee asap so he may declare an emergency session of parliament.

Then this shocker - Aishwarya to play Bipasha’s mom in a Hollywood flick

Gasp! No fucking way. By the by this "Hollywood" film is about Shah Jahan and Mumtaz Mahal.

Now don't hate me, i realise this isn't a laughing matter but wtf? Drunk friends murder Delhi boy over a samosa.

How pissed drunk/insanely hungry do you have to be to murder someone over a samosa? And i'm guessing from the title of the article that this was an aloo samosa. Now an onion samosa i can understand...

And finally Bipasha Basu said "I want to play mainstream normal characters in the West, not an ethnic Asian person."

um yeah, i hear they're casting for the role of the albino in the sequel to that movie with the creepy albino and Tom Hanks. Oh but wait you're playing the very Hollywood role of Aishwarya's daughter in that movie about the Taj Mahal.