It was mother's birthday today. She loves to throw parties for everyone's birthdays and today she threw one for herself. I had to attend this party since well it was kind of in my house. It wasn't a Desi party because all the Desi people we know have gone to India for the summer. So this was a 'people mother knows from church' party also known as a Jesus party.
As you've probably gathered by now I'm not really religious and so Jesus parties don't make me very comfortable. I was still required to be gracious and hospitable and make pleasant conversation [my least favourite part]. So i put on a salwar kurta and all to help me get into the good little Indian daughter mood and i tried to prepare myself mentally for the evening.
I almost ruined it before it began. Killing a guest would ruin a party right? See i was in charge of picking up the cake since i couldn't possibly be put in charge of anything else edible. Anyway as i was backing out of the garage i came very close to knocking this one old lady down. She had parked her car right near the garage and was walking towards me but for some reason was looking back at her car. Thankfully i spotted her in time thereby saving a life, a party and lots of money.
By the time i got back ... and i made sure i took my time at Dairy Queen choosing from all of three varieties of cakes they had left that didn't already have 'HAPPY FATHER'S DAY' on them, and when i asked them to write 'Happy Birthday Pri's mommy' on it they refused, supposedly complicated tasks of that nature required twenty four hour notice. Entha nonsense alva? Anyway this one girl finally agreed to do it but she told me it was her first time and she was still in training and so i should be prepared to have it not look very neat. In training? One needs to be trained and acquire a certificate to write on a cake?]
Now what the fuck was i talking about?
Right! The party. So i get back and the house is full of people, all women, all old women, all old Jesus loving women, all old Jesus loving Amreekan women [cause all the Desi people went to India remember?] So i said hi to everyone and one lady even did a half namaste/half bow type thing and i did one back without cracking up. Then i quietly escaped to my air conditioned people-free room. Unfortunately i could hear every bit of conversation. Still i was grateful because i wasnt out there having to answer lame questions or anything. Mother called me to help serve the food and i did. As soon as everyone began eating i quietly escaped to my room again. Then i was told that i should come talk to the guests and that this one lady in particular really wanted to talk to me. The stupid fuck! So i went out and sat next to her. I asked if she was enjoying the food and if i could get her anything when all of a sudden she looked me straight in the eye and said the four worst words one can ever hear. "HAVE YOU BEEN SAVED?" I was like "I'm sorry?" and she asked me again. I said "um I'm Catholic" and then i excused myself and ran away to my room. WTF? Seriously. WTF?
Eventually they all left and now i have the house back to myself, plus all that food in the refrigerator. Mmm mmm mmm!
Ooh and this. Bwahahahahaha.