Wednesday, August 08, 2007

And they say Soulmates dont exist!

So you know how the 'about me' section on this blog promises hilarious marriage proposals? Well its true. A few months ago my very lame friend made multiple fake profiles for me on random marriage websites and in spite of my many attempts to spam folder them one or two do get into my inbox.

Today i received this email from Mr.F
It has not been edited, except for the parts in italics. Those would be my smart ass comments.


I am in search of a loving, caring and generous women. I prefer to marry a woman with/without children. [which is it? with or without?]
I am living with alone [right, we're going to have to change your pet's name to disco once we're married. what kind of a name is alone? rama rama!] but visit to see my children [of course. and we all know how much i love the childrens!]
My hobbies are dawath [sorry? i hope thats not a typo for death], reading. Traveling and writing.
I want to marry a widowers [you swing both ways eh?]/divorcees /unmarried with/without children [wah so wonderphul human being u are].
I think marriage is not a union of only two people but a beautiful bond between two different families, community and cultures. Marrying into a good family and enjoying the privilege of being a good spouse of well educated and well braided [yeah, about that. is it okay if i am haawing baandli cut?] women means achieving everything in this world. But we cant expect everything from others for our own happiness. If I am lucky enough to get my soul mates [well i guess that is why it isn't spelled SOLEmate. anyway im so glad u already feel this way. u see i am also haawing one soulmate [apart from u possibly]. his initials are T.V] I wish to make her life more happier and comfortable. So if my women have kids to brought up I wish to help her. I really wish to become a member of a family who very badly need a loving father and a friend and a good husband [i believe the Spears are looking]
As a father I will be loving, caring and friendly. I don't like to restrict children for unnecessary things and believe that parents should be 70% friendly, 20% strictly and 10% demanding with their children. [awwww 100% YES!] When you are friendly with them you will come to know automatically what they think, do and want [ha! yes common misconception]. If you know everything about them then there is nothing to worry . [um sure]
As a husband I will be a good friend,a guide ,a companion ,a teacher,a lover and a faithful husband. [what about your other soulmate fool?] I will strive to help her to grow in every aspects of life [you can cook aa? Andhra food items? chakli? kodbele?] and will also expect the same from her. [seriously?? lets try to be reasonable now]
I think 24 hours a day is very less and always try to save my time by giving importance to the most necessary works.I wish to live a full active life containing a lot of hobbies and interests.A hot bed tea,a tasty and nutricious break fast,again reading my favorite newspaper [um let me guess ... THE TIMES OF INDIA?] with a hot cup of tea makes my morning meaningful {of course I offer my morning prayer to the creator Allah}In the noon arranging the home,washing and cooking and I am ready for a nap.Evening time will be dedicted to family,walking and other entertaintments [finally!!! time for soulmate number 2!] Before sleeping I thank Allah for giving me a beautiful day to spend with my family.
Thanks for reading .It is very long but I think you may have got a very good sketch of me. [hell yeah!] but finalized by Allah [ex fuse me is it okay if i follow other religion? namely Scientology?]
best of luck.


B.D has pointed out [he deduced this after reading our friend's daily schedule] that there is no mention of a job. Damn it! And he almost had me with his hot tea in bed thing.


shub said...

Didn't read the entire post yet. But. Hafta. Comment.

"I prefer to marry a woman with/without children."

Since children part can be with/without, the point he's trying to make in the firsht line eeeees -

that he'd prefer to marry a woman :D

See? So simple no?

Lucky girl! Wot are you waiting for? Go for it!

"A hot bed tea" I read only "A hot bed" and was wonderign what the hell he meant :D

schizophrenic said...

Dont Lie. I know u made those fake profiles yourself, hoping u'll find ur prince charming this way! And looks like u'v got one who's given a description of a sunday. in this case, looks like everyday is a sunday.


Janefield said...

lol, y not delete the fake profiles instead of banishing them to spamdom? then again, where would such entertainment come from, eh? :))

Su said...

This is crazy :) I have just 1 funny matrimony website story which I shall write about soon.

Which website is this ? Did you write this as a parody of some sort cos I've never come across a profile that talks so much. Why he not mentioning when he craps and pees and how he needs to thank god for his butt and bladder.

Dwaram Kuppilipoppa Gadgil said...

Dear madam

It is with great consternation that I read the letter posted by your own kindself to my email address copied and pasted here. Kindly explain this behaviour.

Kind Regards
Dwaram Kuppilipoppa Gadgil
S/o Mandakinammal Ypsilantee Gadgil

rebel said...

Oh did I forgot to mention, I come from very respectful family. Family background is very good with loving mother and caring father. My great grand father was an athlete. He always won prize in the colony championships!

I love Lucy said...

You should respond you know.Don't break his heart and all ;)

Hows the move coming along ree,Pri?

The Bride said...

You are soooo lucky! First the blog ranking and then your birthday (ahem) month and now this proposal of undying love. Some people have all the luck. Hmph

Ravi said...

You've got a gr8 sense of humor mam!

Take care :o)



Pri said...

@shub: the hot bed thing had me confused for a bit too.

@schizophrenic: rbr is that you? r u back from your honeymoon? yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. now get to work fool. send me the link to 'Gandhi my father', 'the bong connection' and that 'yeah raat aur yeh duri song. sudsuddenly i wanted to listen to it.

@janefield: i would delete the profiles if i could but i dont know how many there are and what all the websites are. my friend isnt helping with any information. he probably doesnt even remember all the sites he registered me on.

@su: ooh. do tell.
also this was the dude's email to me. i have no idea wat his profile looks like.
also wat makes u think he has time to pee? did u not read his daily schedule?

@Dwaram Kuppilipoppa Gadgil: dear Mr. DKG,
um your name begins with an F fool. see end of letter.

@rebel: wah! we will have the multiple athletic childrens then. we will name them DISCO FEVER and DISCO FEVER to prevent confusion.

@i love lucy: the moving is going okay. i guess.
not its not HELPPPPPPPP

@the bride: okay the birthday is going to suck this year because i will be driving down to Houston all day. NOT FUN! the blog is listed with 200 other blogs on some site NO ONEs heard of!
but the proposal, ill give u that. its special. sniff.

Pri said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Pri said...

@ravi: no no, im jesht very lucky to haaw wunderphul people such as mr F here who pour their horts out providing much joy and entertainment in the process.

anantha said...

And that's why I have steadfastly refused to put my profile up in these random places. It's quite a different story that higher authorities have chosen to put one up on my behalf and have not told me about it even though its a month old (I came to know thanks to the sis). And I cringe when I look at it because of the language and the obvious factual errors (apparently I am "fair"!!!!!!!!).

KayB said...

sob sob sob!!!!!! such a beautiful story... im crying happy tears for you!!!!! finally the chosen one... you are really blessed by the creator!!!! again i wish to make all the clothes for your joyous occasion.

Anonymous said...

like your kannadifying.. its kodbale not kodbele.

Pri said...

@anantha: what??? i thought wheatish complexion was in this season.

@k to the b: i would like lime green frock with golden lace and sequins for first meeting pliss.

@anonymous: um thanks?

schizophrenic said...

Err. No, its not Bharath, its Schizophrenic. Thu, no?

Twisted DNA said...

Ladies,ladies, please hold your horses. He is probably not a real person :P

"I prefer to marry a woman with/without children. [which is it? with or without?]"
What he is saying is, he doesn't want to marry pregnant women.

the wannabe indian punkster said...

Pffft, I dot know what you guys are on about.

This guy is definitely a keeper. I mean, he likes his women, well 'braided'.

If that isn't an indication of his deep, esoteric soul, then I don't know what is.


Silvara said...

Bwahahahaha *wipes tear from eye*

I wish I had been this lucky - make sure he doesn't get away! :P

Neha said...

what! you get ready made children AND a hot tea bed! and i thought they didn't make men like that anymore!!

RamaG said...

just chanced upon your blog...the post was hilarious..cant believe such people exist in this world.


Veda said...

What a lucky girl you are to be having means such wonderful prospects from marriage with such wonderful peoples!!!!


No, seriously, my first time on your blog and you just made my day with that post. Cheers :)

Ashwin said...

maybe by dawath he meant parties


La vida Loca said...

aiiyyooo raamaaa!! ishtyella jana ninage (Should I say nimage? u pick) line hakuta idare andamele...go for it :D

khal said...

Now I'm all curious. is there a follow up? Did you accept? Did you at least ask for a photo-shoto? Tell me you did... must always get photo.


Sandeep R said...

Whew.. people do this!! :O

Sandeep R said...

Whew.. people do this!! :O

Sukhdeepak said...

you seem to be very generous that you are ready to marry with widower.
May God fulfill all of your dreams.