And they say Soulmates dont exist!

So you know how the 'about me' section on this blog promises hilarious marriage proposals? Well its true. A few months ago my very lame friend made multiple fake profiles for me on random marriage websites and in spite of my many attempts to spam folder them one or two do get into my inbox.

Today i received this email from Mr.F
It has not been edited, except for the parts in italics. Those would be my smart ass comments.

Hi,

I am in search of a loving, caring and generous women. I prefer to marry a woman with/without children. [which is it? with or without?]

I am living with alone [right, we're going to have to change your pet's name to disco once we're married. what kind of a name is alone? rama rama!] but visit to see my children [of course. and we all know how much i love the childrens!]

My hobbies are dawath [sorry? i hope thats not a typo for death], reading. Traveling and writing.

I want to marry a widowers [you swing both ways eh?]/divorcees /unmarried with/without children [wah so wonderphul human being u are].

I think marriage is not a union of only two people but a beautiful bond between two different families, community and cultures. Marrying into a good family and enjoying the privilege of being a good spouse of well educated and well braided [yeah, about that. is it okay if i am haawing baandli cut?] women means achieving everything in this world. But we cant expect everything from others for our own happiness. If I am lucky enough to get my soul mates [well i guess that is why it isn't spelled SOLEmate. anyway im so glad u already feel this way. u see i am also haawing one soulmate [apart from u possibly]. his initials are T.V] I wish to make her life more happier and comfortable. So if my women have kids to brought up I wish to help her. I really wish to become a member of a family who very badly need a loving father and a friend and a good husband [i believe the Spears are looking]

As a father I will be loving, caring and friendly. I don't like to restrict children for unnecessary things and believe that parents should be 70% friendly, 20% strictly and 10% demanding with their children. [awwww 100% YES!] When you are friendly with them you will come to know automatically what they think, do and want [ha! yes common misconception]. If you know everything about them then there is nothing to worry . [um sure]

As a husband I will be a good friend,a guide ,a companion ,a teacher,a lover and a faithful husband. [what about your other soulmate fool?] I will strive to help her to grow in every aspects of life [you can cook aa? Andhra food items? chakli? kodbele?] and will also expect the same from her. [seriously?? lets try to be reasonable now]

I think 24 hours a day is very less and always try to save my time by giving importance to the most necessary works.I wish to live a full active life containing a lot of hobbies and interests.A hot bed tea,a tasty and nutricious break fast,again reading my favorite newspaper [um let me guess ... THE TIMES OF INDIA?] with a hot cup of tea makes my morning meaningful {of course I offer my morning prayer to the creator Allah}In the noon arranging the home,washing and cooking and I am ready for a nap.Evening time will be dedicted to family,walking and other entertaintments [finally!!! time for soulmate number 2!] Before sleeping I thank Allah for giving me a beautiful day to spend with my family.

Thanks for reading .It is very long but I think you may have got a very good sketch of me. [hell yeah!] but finalized by Allah [ex fuse me is it okay if i follow other religion? namely Scientology?]

best of luck.

F

B.D has pointed out [he deduced this after reading our friend's daily schedule] that there is no mention of a job. Damn it! And he almost had me with his hot tea in bed thing.