Friday, March 20, 2009

so like 8 twitter updates equal to 1 blog post?

it's officially spring y'all which means it's 90 degrees in houston already. i can't wait for october.

my cousin just sent us new pictures of her kids. these kids are crazy mixed. they're part sri lankan, part black, part burmese and part finnish. however in the picture they look like two little mexican girls which is strange cause they're both boys. apparently that particular combination of ethnicities leads to gender bender mexican kids. i kid. they're adorable. yay for my family.

in idol news how awesome was our boy anoop this week? i was so excited as soon as i heard him sing the first line of 'always on my mind'. i knew it would be perfect and it was except for the line where he says 'b-l-i-i-i-n-d'. he sounded like a goat but a cute goat, that wears purple and green hoodies

in other news i now tweet. this means that henceforth i will be conveying to you every single crazy thought that appears in my head. [yay for you!] a lot of times i'll think of something but it's not worthy of an entire post and so i end up never saying it and then it gets lost forever. of course this does not include my 'for when i'm a sitcom writer' drafts which im never sharing with you unless you pay me cash money. so my point fellow bloggers is that i insist you join twitter. instead of just letting your blog sit there and die a slow death at least you'll have these occasional mini posts that will maybe inspire you to blog again. or you can just put all your tweets together and voila you have a post.

you know how when you get mad at people you say horrible things in your mind to them like "ugh i hope you die!"? i have recently started to be more specific about how i want these people to die. i want it to be violent and dramatic and a little funny. like "ugh i hope you die in a buffalo stampede". you should totally try this because it's satisfying and will make you giggle a little thereby easing the anger towards said person.

other ways to relieve stress and get super happy without resorting to narcotics is to watch anoop desai cleff hanger videos on you tube. there are tons of them and some are even accompanied by minor stripping. girrrl reeeeeeeeeelax! sigh. i'm beyond lame. i'm not even going to tell you how many times i voted for him this week. let's just say there were many zeros. if there's a virtual anoop dog fan greeting card out there to sign i've signed it. if there's a poll for favourite idol contestant i've voted on it. multiple times. if there's an article containing the words 'anoop' 'noop' or 'noop dog' that was published within the last hour or day or week i've read it. thank you google news. if there's a personal anoopy childhood story from a distant family member i've read and reread it and by god if there's a new photo album i've stalked it. i constantly use words like 'noopaholic', 'nooper trooper', 'nooptastic' and my favourite 'i want to anoop you'. like i said. beyond lame.

p.s. dear president obama if you would like to keep your ratings up i would suggest you not do the following: 1. make special olympics jokes on late night tv and 2. schedule presidential addresses on american idol time. i have to wait an extra 24 hours this week to see my anoop and i'm not pleased.

please god let this one be straight.

Friday, March 13, 2009

Thursday, March 12, 2009

noopy update followed by really long gossipy idol conversation. skip if you're not into idol.

noopy survived! oh thank god! don't you ever ever do that to us again you crazy fool! who picks 'beat it'? gahhhhh! i had to bring out the rosary tonight. the last time i did that was before the hurricane and before that it has only been used at the end of very close cricket matches. talking about cricket matches we just won a series in new zealand. what?? what's even more shocking is they're scoring over 300 runs and that's just each side individually. remember the last time and the time before that? i remember this one series where whoever won the toss won the match. it was like you win the toss, you choose to bowl. the other team is out for just over 100. you bat. the pitch has dried up just a teeny bit and you manage to reach the target. but barely. this was how every match went. and we lost more tosses than we won. anyway go team and go sehwag! and sachin don't be saying things that suggest dada's team wasn't the bestest ever.

anyway back to idol. i was such a tv whore last night. i watched the show and i had my phones ready to dial. i was under the impression that you could only vote one time from one line. so not true! you can vote as many times as you want and it's free. so i had my cordless phone in one hand and my cell phone [which is free after 9 pm which is perfect cause that's when the voting starts] in the other hand and i hit redial and redial and redial while i chatted with mother and watched the news. i took breaks to get refreshments and to avoid carpel tunnel syndrome and then i got back to hitting redial. i have no idea how many votes i contributed to they were all worth it baby! wooooohooooooo! ooh and this morning i was obsessively checking anoop dog fan websites [yes there are plenty] and they were all pointing to the dialidol website which predicts the results based on which contestant's phone lines had the busiest signals or something. i don't know but apparently they have had great success rates the past seasons and they were all saying that he was in the top 5 but when they called him on stage with jorge [paapa so sad] i was like oh god the website was all wrong but the thing is they never said that anoop and jorge were the bottom two. even with jasmine and that corkey girl [you know, the one with the one move and the adorableness] they never said that they were the bottom two. i'm thinking they just pick whomever the hell they want, probably the one that got the worst comments from the judges and the one person with the lowest votes and they bring them both on stage to build the tension. like if nunez was up there today with someone who had sung well but didn't have a big fan base [like the redhead whom i love by the way] of course the judges would have saved her. ooh that's the new twist by the by which i think is cool. but by putting anoop in there with him it was tense cause they both had bad comments and there was no way the judges would have saved anoop again. its not really fair but it almost like he's used up his one life even before they came up with this new rule. see how into this i am? super lame i know but i'm in lurrrrve and next week the boy better kill it.

p.s. did you see last night when they were showing his intro video with his parents and they showed baby pictures of him wearing a baby kurta and waist coat! my mum and me both went awwwwwwwww.

p.p.s. how awful did kanye sound tonight? see anyone can have a bad night. at least anoop looked cute. they spiked his hair a little and everything. kanye was wearing denim on denim with some type of towel falling out of his back pocket!

i have bits of an online conversation that i had a few minutes ago with a fellow blogger on the same subject that im wanting to post but said person is absconding even though their gtalk icon is suspiciously orange and i need their permission to post such a conversation so come back person before i go to sleep.

ooh in the meantime while i was anooping with said blogger another blogger who also happened on be online [what are the chances? god we're so lame] and me were having a simultaneous conversation, some of which i will now copy paste.

S: what are you watching?
me: im typing
a blog post
about anoop dog
S: o
me: american idol
S: he got quit
me: too mainstream for u
he got wat?
S: as in did he get voted out
me: no bitch
dont say that
i wouldn't be this upbeat if he had
S: dude
me: and u would have sensed it immediately
S: k
me: because i would've upped the sarcasm in this conversation
S: no kidding, really?
me: yes
i have a massive tv crush on him
me and everyone else
u gotta watch
S: what's so great abt him?
me: so much dork appeal the boy has
S: so the new word for popular ugly people is dork appeal
me: he is so not ugly
S: ok
me: dork = geek but cutish
like so and so could be cute if only they weren't so awkward and had a mini makeover
S: isnt this a singing show? just making sure
me: a desi boy example would be if so and so would stop tucking in his shirt and remove his yennefied side parting he would be cute
oh he can sing!
this is no sanjaya
S: then why does side, center parting matter
me: uff i was just giving example to u
so u dont confuse dorky with ugly

ooh permission granted from original blogger aka dulhanjee.

me: he made it!
itsacharade: i know
but stupid simon crucified him last night
he was wearing nice clothes also
thanks to stylist and there's less hair
me: please! he looked like a bus conductor
they fixed his hair though
itsacharade: hello... did you see him with that cardigan
me: dechapatified his hair
itsacharade: not the blue one you have on your blog
me: hehe
itsacharade: but the grey one with the buttons
and green tie
me: he is dressing for 60 yrs in the future
itsacharade: the buttons didn't close properly and you could see gaps in between
me: for when he's a retired college professor with dreams of being a rockstar
itsacharade: yes... he does look like he's from silicon valley and not the player I'm totally assuming he is
me: heeeeeeee
did not notice the gaps
itsacharade: they were there, believe me
me: hehe
i was just writing a post on the show
i voted like a crazy person
itsacharade: wow a post from you
me: shut up
itsacharade: why is everyone being so lazy about blogging just when i have no work at work
me: everyone's going through a dry patch
all the cool ppl that is
itsacharade: yes but why everyone at the same time
me: cause we're cool
itsacharade: i guess that's what makes you cool... together
me: omg
itsacharade: meh
me: stop it
itsacharade: ok i'm glad i didn't say omg
me: why r u always trying to say whatever it is im saying?
itsacharade: what to do... you're my god
me: we must be related
itsacharade: no no... everyone i'm related to is not like me
maybe i'm adopted
me: u know ppl in bangalore right?
and you're catholic?
ooh maybe
itsacharade: i only know people in bangalore because i married someone from there
me: my mother always told me she picked me up from the kuppethotti near my house
itsacharade: heee
me: but you're old
so we couldn't be twins
itsacharade: maybe you gestated for longer
me: watever!
ooh u should totally watch nick and norah's infinite playlist
itsacharade: heh what is that
me: u usually watch all the movies i do
like 6 months after they came out
itsacharade: have you watched confessions of a shopaholic
me: and u usually like the ones i like
itsacharade: yeah... its a hk thing
me: um duh
i did not enjoy it as much as everyone else
itsacharade: why did they cast amy adams
me: too close to home
itsacharade: when reese witherspoon was made for the part
me: its not amy adams
itsacharade: hehe
ok i haven't watched it yet
me: but omg i totally get confused with her and the other girl
who is isla fisher
who is married to BORAT of all ppl
itsacharade: oh yaaa
me: see how much random crap i know
itsacharade: heh she totally looks like amy adams
what's the point of having two of them
me: someone just asked me wat i was doing
and i said we're anooping
itsacharade: haha good word
me: yes
itsacharade: i love simon
me: me too
itsacharade: dont know why
me: did u see the results show yet?
itsacharade: but i'm going to hit him if he doesn't stop being mean to anoop
me: he was so mean
itsacharade: no and don't tell me!
me: to jorge
ok sorry
ull see
not mean
just um blunt
like even before they finished the question
itsacharade: between you and my husband i'm never going to experience the nail-biting anticipation of reality tv
me: heh
sorry sorry
when does it come on for u?
itsacharade: but that jorge was terrible
me: bwahahaha
itsacharade: well i just wanted someone to be terrible so anoopy doesn't get kicked off
me: he was adorable for a week
when his words were coming out in spanglish
omg me too
itsacharade: yes, until paula went "say something in spanish"
me: after anoop started singing i was like oh shit. now i hope at least two ppl do worse.

ull read my post
itsacharade: that woman is totally from another planet
me: she is but i love her
itsacharade: i liked his beat it though... as in, it was totally in tune
me: some of the crap she says though i totally get
itsacharade: hahah really
me: yes
but sometimes shes just bsing
itsacharade: i think she just comes on the show to try on new vocabulary
which is a commendable pursuit an all
me: that other girl i dont like as much
itsacharade: but very bizarre to watch
me: cause she reminds me of my new boss
itsacharade: hee... does your new boss glow too
do you think the glow is real? or makeup?
me: makeup
that lil bows or watever was glowing too yesterday
all pink
and coraly
itsacharade: lill rounds
whoever the stylist is... can only dress boys
me: and when they show her at home videos with all her many offspring her skin looks terrible
itsacharade: who? lill rounds?
me: jasmine looked so cute today
itsacharade: or kara
me: some bright orange dress
itsacharade: whaat in the pink dress
me: and a feather pendent
ull see
no no
yesterday she looked ridiculous
okay so besides our bias for anoop dog
who do we think is the best singer
and do u hate danny goatee with the dead wife?
cause i do
i dont get it
also the beefy oil rigger guy
wat's so great? yeah so his job is kinda depressing and he has an offspring who comes on the show with posters saying vote for my daddy but who cares?
itsacharade: i liek danny... sadly
and also the oil rigger...
because he's cute
he's large
but cute
i also like the blind boy
though i hated him yesterday
i don't really like any of the girls
me: blind boy
can sing
was bad yesterday
itsacharade: yeah he was no?
me: but he can sing
itsacharade: and he had a really fixed smile on face poor thing
me: they're scared to be mean to him though
not simon
itsacharade: but he can sing
i knowww
i HATE it when kara goes "i'd really like to see you with your instrument
me: ooh when anoop got through to top 13
and all the contestants came running onto the stage
they left the blind guy by himself
he was standing there all alone clapping
itsacharade: nooo
me: but facing the right direction
itsacharade: hahaha
noo... i thought his brother person brought him
me: i know the instrument thing makes me think of perverted things
itsacharade: worse, yesterday paula goes: it's so wonderful to see your instrument at your fingertips or some such
me: bwahahahaa
itsacharade: at least they're not saying organ
me: oh god
itsacharade: the sad thing was, when he finally got his "instrument" he wasn't so mindblowing
poor thing
me: i know. hehe.
itsacharade: i just knew that was going to happen
me: but during hollywood week or something he was really good
itsacharade: performance anxiety
me: he sang this one song
itsacharade: in the video clip
did he have his "instrument" then?
me: yes
and he was awesome
im sure he has it on youtube
itsacharade: yeah he is generally awesome
me: oh and this is horrible and not funny but i have to tell u
itsacharade: i'll try not to laugh
me: on the tv guide channel they have fans send in questions to ask the idols
so the q was wat would be like your dream round on idol
so whore hey was like latin round
and red haired rocker chick was like alternative week
itsacharade: ouff
me: and gay boy with brilliant voice was like musical drama rock or something
and then the blind boy was like i would like to see...
and then they paused
and i was like omg
itsacharade: noooo
me: so mean
and he was like um i would like to see so and so round
and i was like bwhahahahaha
itsacharade: haha you're evil
me: isnt that just terrible
itsacharade: they did NOT pause
me: okay in my head
they paused for like 8 seconds
itsacharade: could be though
me: long enough for me to think such things
itsacharade: i hate how every contestant is trying to seem poor
"we didn't have much growing up"
me: bwhahahah
itsacharade: why don't they get some paris hilton types
me: thats why i hate the oil rigger guy
also danny go pee has not only a dead wife
but also he is head chuch choir boy or something
itsacharade: nooo i missed that
me: so all them church ppl have his back
poor anoop
itsacharade: oh yeah, he loves church music he kept saying
me: all he has are his adorable really really old parents
ok im going to stop
itsacharade: aww they're not so old
me: or im going straight to hell
itsacharade: they're presentable actually
me: they're adorable
itsacharade: yeah his mum hugged him
me: heh
itsacharade: i'm like oooh indian parents hugging their kids
me: have u seen his youtube vidoes
with his college band
itsacharade: nopes
me: him in a bowtie
youtube him fool
tons of videos
itsacharade: hahaha poor thing
me: thats why hes so popular
itsacharade: i must i must
me: ppl expect him to sing like that
itsacharade: is he? i thought we were his only fan club
me: dude no
everyone loves him
itsacharade: though he did get 14,000 something votes
me: do u not read the internet ?
itsacharade: 14 million
me: 14 m is too much
33 m was total votes cast
itsacharade: no no, my scope is too limited
me: aah
google news
itsacharade: haha ok then... see numbers mean nothing
me: hes popular
his college crowd
desi ppl
itsacharade: also, he lost out to danny by a small margin
me: and everyone else who is just like omg hes so cute
itsacharade: so my thinking was he HAS to be in the wild card
me: everyone says hes likable
and they said it was the easiest choice
itsacharade: but then yesterday, simon kind of made out like he was the last choice
me: maybe thats why i hate danny
cause anoop lost out to him
itsacharade: the 13th... as if they hadn't just done that for shock value

Friday, March 06, 2009

so these highheelconfidential girls have me hooked on tons of celebrity websites. i am registered on all kinds of nonsense websites and most work afternoons i spend checking out bollywood celebrities at awards shows, peace rallies, ribbon cutting ceremonies [my most favourite thing ever. i have always dreamt of being invited to cut ribbon at some event] and anywhere else everyone is showing up to. today i spent a good part of the afternoon checking out amrita arora's wedding pictures. tons of ott celebs arriving with their cleavage, clutches and jewellery. apparently no one wears normal looking sarees anymore. they're all see through, glitter infested and worn only with shiny mettallic bikini tops. anyway so in between close ups of malaika's arm bracelet and some lady's clutch that looked like a radio which and i have to say i'm all for interesting bag designs but when you're going to a wedding and you're wearing a saree why you got to be holding a ridiculous radio shaped bag? now if it was in fact a real radio and she was holding it so she could keep track of the cricket score then that would be okay but we'll never know. right so coming to the point, in between all the shininess i spot what looks like an auto rickshaw and i'm like who came to this thing in an auto? turns out it was salman khan. there's a mob of people around him. the auto driver is beaming and then there's sallu. it's fucking hilarious. is he like banned from ever sitting in a car? i realise he runs over people all the time but like dude you could get a chauffer.

in anoop desai news........ he's so back! and looking hot. they made a special spot 13 just for him. awwww.