Friday, October 05, 2007

Friend wanted for friendless 24 year old female in new city

sex/sexual orientation/age no bar. however candidates who were in existence before the first cricket world cup have a slim chance of being selected.

minimum qualifications required:

must enjoy movies
must be willing to go to the theater and pay to watch movies. said movies might be in foreign languages.
must not end every sentence with 'yaar'
must enjoy fashion and shopping
must like to eat out a lot [see last prereq]
must drink alcohol
must be familiar with and use the texting feature on a cell phone
must be familiar with local and international television shows
must be familiar with the lives of national and international celebrities [candidate might be required to do a pretest]
must be willing to do stuff on days that are not only weekends or holidays
must have heard of cricket [being a cricket fan is not a prereq, one could always be converted]
must be spontaneous
must be okay with dead baby jokes
must be okay with dead bucknor jokes
must not cancel on friendless 24 year old female last minute on plans made weeks in advance.
must be flexible with friendless 24 year old rescheduling plans made weeks in advance for never.
must enjoy stand up comedy and must be willing to spend the fifteen dollars or the twenty five dollars or the forty five dollars it costs to go see excellent comics at the local comedy club.
must be familiar with the city and must be willing to drive or be driven to tons of different places.
must not constantly be on a diet. must like things fried in butter.

preferred but not a criteria:

ability to fix things or know people who can fix things* for free.
not currently have a restraining order filed against them [except if the person/group of people filing the order is a member of indian cricket team or is the indian cricket team]
be willing to experiment in borderline illegal activities.
be familiar with urban dictionary lingo

extra points if:

good looking
know good looking people
speak kannada or tamil
are from bangalore
are cricket fans
are talented cooks

instant disqualifiers:

non bathers
regular bathers with genetic sweat disorders who therefore have constant body odor problems
annoying voice/laugh
fake accent [look if it's once in a while and you can switch back and forth and make fun of yourself fine but if you do it constantly and you're doing it wrong, i can tell and i might kill you or have you killed.]

*laptops, light bulbs, car parts, heels, buttons

candidates may apply via comments or may email me at

you may expect a reply to your application anytime between 2 - 4 minutes.

thank you cum again.


??! said...

dem! my electrical genius status and restraining order against Rahul D gets offset by the annoying laugh I laugh everytime I step into the bathroom and mock the shower for not having used it in five days.

tsk...too bad.

Art said...

im guessing Denver is brutal-er than Ohio. But I hear ya.

Preeth said...

lol.jus workin on my resume.will send it hakbekka?

Sharma's Karma said...

In true orkut istyleee...can I be your FRAAAANDDD!!!

You need to move to austin, my wife knows all the hotties, I charge 5 dolla per introduction.

Indianoguy said...

sex/sexual orientation/age no bar = Pri is queer.
Here is a suggestion, join some Indian matrimony site, I heard there are lot of Desi geeks in and around Houstan (I presume you dont have a problem with mustaches)

Richa said...

All that in one person or entire team can share those qualities?

I have a quiet a few acquaintances in Houston, having spent last summer interning there, but none of them fit your criteria. Hell, even if I combine all of them, they won't still fit the qualifications.

Heard somewhere once: Aim low, reach your Goals, avoid disappointments.

shub said...

pri-celess! :) so, any replies yet?!

Su said...

Madam. Is this secretely a draft for your profile ? Ahem :)

Broom said...

ugh - been friendless in new cities & it's no fun - hope you get some good applications!

La vida Loca said...

I want to be fraindship with you :)
Should the potential fraind live in Houston? I am guessing yes. I live in Kansas and soooooon moving to California.

TS said...

Awww... I have a solution.

Craig's List!

The Bride said...

The problem with people who have an annoying voice or laugh is that they have know way of knowing it... so you're kind of stuck there.

Bikerdude said...

Ammu, if I were in Howstone or you in Bluru, I would have handcuffed self to you I say.

Useless 47,568-mile-away person.

anantha said...

You are not on the east coast, are you? Oh, Houston...hmmm. Way too far.

I love Lucy said...

I know the feeling!

Will folks from a neighboring-not-that-far-yet-not-that-close city count?

Yes andre heli uure..

Pri said...

@??! ess, varysad. plus you cook only vegetarian food which is so not a part of my diet.

@Art: you have been of no help! thanks for nothing.
i kid i kid. welcome.

@Preeth: pliss make sure you attach black and white passport photo, triplicate, government officer seal required. make sure left ear is clearly visible. if left ear is missing right ear will do. also send colour photo of yourself fullbaadis, full batte. no half pant. thank you for yuver attention to this maatter.

@Sharma's Karma: kindly email me yuver address and arrange for a minimum of 24 hotties to show up on assigned date. ask them to bring copies of resume and proof of orphanism.
it's a word.

@Indianoguy: yuver logic is illogical. your idol the one the only shree. colbert will be so proud.

@Richa: aim low??? clearly you are insane. and lazy.
i kid i kid. no artist can be lazy.

@shub: zero. sniff.
except for that guy who wants my bank a/c number.

@Su: hell no! have i mentioned anything about being unbelievably hilarious? or hot? or about being orphaned? or about being under contract by the bcci?

@Broom: stop it! you have a girlfriend who will go shopping with you.

@La vida Loca: yes they would need to live in houston. unless they're willing to fly back and forth at half a days notice.

@TS: you nonsense person. craig's list nim ajji.

@The Bride: true. unless they have honest friends who have informed them of their um situation. or they have no friends, which would be a big clue.

@Bikerdude: handcuffed? so i assume you bathe at least 4 times a day then?

@anantha: again!! completely useless person.

@I love Lucy: you do not! didn't you just have this big reunion?
and i am not about to drive to dallas. however i could be bribed with food.
especially if it has been fried in butter.

Anonymous said...

I totally qualify! I'm in chennai though. Great blog :)

I love Lucy said...

Chilli paneer counts?That be my speciality antha jana helthaare ;-)

Richa said...

Insane - not yet but on the road to insanity town. Will call you once I reach there! (Or meet you there?)

Lazy - oh yes, I am very very very lazy.

Guess insanity parts make me more of an artist than laziness ;D

Anonymous said...

LOL. Replace thw whole post with "I am not ready for dating yet." and try again after you are out of denial.

Anonymous said...

u used my line!!!!

ram murthy said...

u used my line!!!!

gabriella said...

I miss you! (the mostest!) Probably bc YOU were MY friend in a new city,(and I cannot thank you enough...) and now all I have is Coco. So I can sympathize and next time I go home I will make sure I stop in H-Town

Hugs (even though you hate them!)

PS: Is that enough comments, or wha... ?