Doctor: Absolutely! Science is whatever we want it to be. I'll let you know as soon as i have the results.
Patient: I already know the results. The kid is not mine.
Doctor: Boy its crazy to think we used to settle questions of paternity by dunking a woman in water until she admitted she made it all up. Hmm different time the sixties.
Doctor: I have the results of your DNA test. Good news! You are not the father of that child. However, according to my DNA database you are a direct descendant of our third President.
Patient: Jasper Buckleman?
Doctor: No, Thomas Jefferson.
Patient [who happens to be black] : Jefferson? Not possible. That's a white dude.
Random person in the room: Yeah but that guy was into black chicks.
Doctor: These DNA results show that genetically you're mostly white.
Patient: It's ridiculous. I cant be white. My whole persona is based on an in dept analysis of the differences between black and white.
Tracy: The Black Crusaders are a secret group of powerful black Americans. Bill Cosby and Oprah Winfrey are the chief majors. But Jesse Jackson, Colin Powell and Gordon from “Sesame Street,” they’re members too. And they meet four times a year in the skull of the Statue of Liberty. You can read about that on the interweb!
They take action when they think someone is making black people look bad, and are responsible for: tanking 50 Cent’s movie, blowing out Terrell Owens’ ankle and cancelling Eddie Murphy’s Oscar - because he ran out on Scary Spice.