Wednesday, September 12, 2007

look ma, i can cook!

so everyones been sharing all these wonderful recipes [see, see, see, see] and i have been feeling very pressured, so today i decided to share one of my own, plus i've always wanted to use the word succulent in one of my posts.

now if you are hungry but unfortunately are not very talented and/or have never owned a cookbook in your life and/or your mother wont talk to you and therefore refuses to cook and/or your mother has cooked but eating her food would mean she wins and you don't want that, then this recipe is perfect for you.

has anyone heard of 'smart ones'? no? they happen to be these wonderful little packets of frozen dinners that you can get at any grocery store. buy the one that says 'ravioli florentine' on the cover and follow the microwave instructions. now i realise this can be challenging for a lot of people because many microwavable dinners come with confusing directions. sometimes you rip the box open only to realise you were supposed to have saved it to use as some sort of cooking tray! with this particular one all you have to do is pull the film starting with one corner all the way to the other corner. dont pull it off completely, you just want it to vent. right, then you let it microwave for 2 minutes after which you stir the contents with a fork and then microwave again for like a minute and a half and we're half way there!

i don't know if you realised this but we're missing an important ingredient. chicken! yes, no meal can be complete without chicken. unfortunately chicken is difficult to cook. theres the opening of the gross plastic and the washing and the smell. so what you do is you look for one of those small trays of precooked breaded chicken patties in your local grocery store. now remember these are frozen and there are many different ways to cook them. microwaving is the easiest however that would result in rubbery chicken and we don't like rubber. the other option which a lot of people claim is the best and the healthiest is baking. now baking is great because you get that wonderful crunchy bit on the top but the problem with baking is it takes too fucking long and we're hungry. also accidents can happen in the oven if you cant find the right gloves or you don't know what parts elongate and stuff. for example did you know that the inside tray thing can be pulled almost all the way out? apparently this is how it has always been. and this way you don't have to reach all the way in to place your food, thereby minimizing the chances of burning your arm on one of the hot rods.

okay since we're definitely not going to bake our chicken the only option left is to cook it on the stove. pull out your egg pan. that would be the tiniest one in your kitchen. put a tablespoon of oil in it and heat on medium for like a minute. then place the chicken on it very carefully. use like a flat spoon. that way you wont have hot oil on your arm or worse in your eye. i've heard scary stories of contact lenses catching fire and melting... right, so lower the stove because you don't want the chicken to burn and that oil wont last very long. so make it nice and low and turn the chicken over like every 30 seconds. about 5 minutes should be good. now take the chicken out and place in on something you can cut on, or you could just cut in while its still in the pan. you want to cut it into strips but don't worry if they don't come out neat. remember messy is good. its just food, all that matters is that it taste fantabulous.

next pull out a pretty serving plate and place the ravioli on it and then the chicken strips on top. now look around your kitchen for some old packets of parmesan cheese and crushed red peppers from olive garden or dominos. or you could actually buy these from the store but really this way is cheaper. remember the next time you order pizza to insist on extra parmesan and red peppers, "as many as you can send please, my kids just love it" works wonderfully.

sprinkle the cheese and red peppers on top of your chicken and voila you are looking at a healthy dish [smart ones have small portions therefore less calories or something] with fresh succulent chicken and a lovely flavour of marinara, parmesan and red chilly flakes.
this meal may be accompanied by almost any alcoholic beverage from your refrigerator.


and remember it only took you what 10 minutes? and the best part is you made it all by yourself. and you used kitchen utensils and gadgets and everything! you are no longer a useless idiot who has to order delivery.

remember all you need is a supermarket next to you and the love for fried chicken.


The Bride said...

Hahaha this post is extremely dear to my heart. Then again - I have managed to burn water.

Dusty Fog said...

Why wasn't I into blogging during my one year's stay in Mumbai...these kind of receipes are what would have helped me not become humongously huge eating every freaking meal outside....: )

Spunky Monkey said...

Cheh, naavu vegetariansu. Bomman typesu. Mummy hoDitaar ashTe matte.

Neksht time puLiyogre heLkoDi.

??! said...

ay-yay-yay. seriously, you didn't know about the sliding trays?
and you and chicken. pfft! fish is the way to be...much more versatile.

Su said...

* Clap Clap*. Thanks for the blog link. Your cooking sounds like so much fun that I'm now ashamed of actually knowing how to do the real deal :)

But, I must say that semi-cooking microwave dinner is beshtest idea.