so like 8 twitter updates equal to 1 blog post?

it's officially spring y'all which means it's 90 degrees in houston already. i can't wait for october.

my cousin just sent us new pictures of her kids. these kids are crazy mixed. they're part sri lankan, part black, part burmese and part finnish. however in the picture they look like two little mexican girls which is strange cause they're both boys. apparently that particular combination of ethnicities leads to gender bender mexican kids. i kid. they're adorable. yay for my family.

in idol news how awesome was our boy anoop this week? i was so excited as soon as i heard him sing the first line of 'always on my mind'. i knew it would be perfect and it was except for the line where he says 'b-l-i-i-i-n-d'. he sounded like a goat but a cute goat, that wears purple and green hoodies

in other news i now tweet. this means that henceforth i will be conveying to you every single crazy thought that appears in my head. [yay for you!] a lot of times i'll think of something but it's not worthy of an entire post and so i end up never saying it and then it gets lost forever. of course this does not include my 'for when i'm a sitcom writer' drafts which im never sharing with you unless you pay me cash money. so my point fellow bloggers is that i insist you join twitter. instead of just letting your blog sit there and die a slow death at least you'll have these occasional mini posts that will maybe inspire you to blog again. or you can just put all your tweets together and voila you have a post.

you know how when you get mad at people you say horrible things in your mind to them like "ugh i hope you die!"? i have recently started to be more specific about how i want these people to die. i want it to be violent and dramatic and a little funny. like "ugh i hope you die in a buffalo stampede". you should totally try this because it's satisfying and will make you giggle a little thereby easing the anger towards said person.

other ways to relieve stress and get super happy without resorting to narcotics is to watch anoop desai cleff hanger videos on you tube. there are tons of them and some are even accompanied by minor stripping. girrrl reeeeeeeeeelax! sigh. i'm beyond lame. i'm not even going to tell you how many times i voted for him this week. let's just say there were many zeros. if there's a virtual anoop dog fan greeting card out there to sign i've signed it. if there's a poll for favourite idol contestant i've voted on it. multiple times. if there's an article containing the words 'anoop' 'noop' or 'noop dog' that was published within the last hour or day or week i've read it. thank you google news. if there's a personal anoopy childhood story from a distant family member i've read and reread it and by god if there's a new photo album i've stalked it. i constantly use words like 'noopaholic', 'nooper trooper', 'nooptastic' and my favourite 'i want to anoop you'. like i said. beyond lame.

p.s. dear president obama if you would like to keep your ratings up i would suggest you not do the following: 1. make special olympics jokes on late night tv and 2. schedule presidential addresses on american idol time. i have to wait an extra 24 hours this week to see my anoop and i'm not pleased.

please god let this one be straight.

i havent crushed this bad since i was seventeen

girl relax!!

noopy update followed by really long gossipy idol conversation. skip if you're not into idol.

noopy survived! oh thank god! don't you ever ever do that to us again you crazy fool! who picks 'beat it'? gahhhhh! i had to bring out the rosary tonight. the last time i did that was before the hurricane and before that it has only been used at the end of very close cricket matches. talking about cricket matches we just won a series in new zealand. what?? what's even more shocking is they're scoring over 300 runs and that's just each side individually. remember the last time and the time before that? i remember this one series where whoever won the toss won the match. it was like you win the toss, you choose to bowl. the other team is out for just over 100. you bat. the pitch has dried up just a teeny bit and you manage to reach the target. but barely. this was how every match went. and we lost more tosses than we won. anyway go team and go sehwag! and sachin don't be saying things that suggest dada's team wasn't the bestest ever.

anyway back to idol. i was such a tv whore last night. i watched the show and i had my phones ready to dial. i was under the impression that you could only vote one time from one line. so not true! you can vote as many times as you want and it's free. so i had my cordless phone in one hand and my cell phone [which is free after 9 pm which is perfect cause that's when the voting starts] in the other hand and i hit redial and redial and redial while i chatted with mother and watched the news. i took breaks to get refreshments and to avoid carpel tunnel syndrome and then i got back to hitting redial. i have no idea how many votes i contributed to they were all worth it baby! wooooohooooooo! ooh and this morning i was obsessively checking anoop dog fan websites [yes there are plenty] and they were all pointing to the dialidol website which predicts the results based on which contestant's phone lines had the busiest signals or something. i don't know but apparently they have had great success rates the past seasons and they were all saying that he was in the top 5 but when they called him on stage with jorge [paapa so sad] i was like oh god the website was all wrong but the thing is they never said that anoop and jorge were the bottom two. even with jasmine and that corkey girl [you know, the one with the one move and the adorableness] they never said that they were the bottom two. i'm thinking they just pick whomever the hell they want, probably the one that got the worst comments from the judges and the one person with the lowest votes and they bring them both on stage to build the tension. like if nunez was up there today with someone who had sung well but didn't have a big fan base [like the redhead whom i love by the way] of course the judges would have saved her. ooh that's the new twist by the by which i think is cool. but by putting anoop in there with him it was tense cause they both had bad comments and there was no way the judges would have saved anoop again. its not really fair but it almost like he's used up his one life even before they came up with this new rule. see how into this i am? super lame i know but i'm in lurrrrve and next week the boy better kill it.

p.s. did you see last night when they were showing his intro video with his parents and they showed baby pictures of him wearing a baby kurta and waist coat! my mum and me both went awwwwwwwww.

p.p.s. how awful did kanye sound tonight? see anyone can have a bad night. at least anoop looked cute. they spiked his hair a little and everything. kanye was wearing denim on denim with some type of towel falling out of his back pocket!


i have bits of an online conversation that i had a few minutes ago with a fellow blogger on the same subject that im wanting to post but said person is absconding even though their gtalk icon is suspiciously orange and i need their permission to post such a conversation so come back person before i go to sleep.


ooh in the meantime while i was anooping with said blogger another blogger who also happened on be online [what are the chances? god we're so lame] and me were having a simultaneous conversation, some of which i will now copy paste.


S: what are you watching?

me: im typing
a blog post
about anoop dog
sigh
S: o
me: american idol
S: he got quit
me: too mainstream for u
he got wat?
S: as in did he get voted out
me: no bitch
dont say that
i wouldn't be this upbeat if he had
S: dude
me: and u would have sensed it immediately
S: k
me: because i would've upped the sarcasm in this conversation
S: no kidding, really?
me: yes
i have a massive tv crush on him
me and everyone else
u gotta watch
S: what's so great abt him?

me: so much dork appeal the boy has
S: so the new word for popular ugly people is dork appeal
me: he is so not ugly
S: ok
me: dork = geek but cutish
like so and so could be cute if only they weren't so awkward and had a mini makeover
S: isnt this a singing show? just making sure
me: a desi boy example would be if so and so would stop tucking in his shirt and remove his yennefied side parting he would be cute
oh he can sing!
this is no sanjaya
S: then why does side, center parting matter
me: uff i was just giving example to u

so u dont confuse dorky with ugly


ooh permission granted from original blogger aka dulhanjee.

me: he made it!

itsacharade: i know
but stupid simon crucified him last night
he was wearing nice clothes also
thanks to stylist and there's less hair

me: please! he looked like a bus conductor
they fixed his hair though

itsacharade: hello... did you see him with that cardigan

me: dechapatified his hair

itsacharade: not the blue one you have on your blog

me: hehe
yes

itsacharade: but the grey one with the buttons
and green tie

me: he is dressing for 60 yrs in the future

itsacharade: the buttons didn't close properly and you could see gaps in between

me: for when he's a retired college professor with dreams of being a rockstar

itsacharade: yes... he does look like he's from silicon valley and not the player I'm totally assuming he is

me: heeeeeeee
did not notice the gaps

itsacharade: they were there, believe me

me: hehe
i was just writing a post on the show
i voted like a crazy person

itsacharade: wow a post from you
shocking!

me: shut up

itsacharade: why is everyone being so lazy about blogging just when i have no work at work

me: everyone's going through a dry patch
all the cool ppl that is

itsacharade: yes but why everyone at the same time

me: cause we're cool

itsacharade: i guess that's what makes you cool... together

me: omg

itsacharade: meh

me: stop it

itsacharade: ok i'm glad i didn't say omg

me: why r u always trying to say whatever it is im saying?

itsacharade: what to do... you're my god
ess

me: we must be related
seriously

itsacharade: no no... everyone i'm related to is not like me
maybe i'm adopted

me: u know ppl in bangalore right?
and you're catholic?
ooh maybe

itsacharade: i only know people in bangalore because i married someone from there

me: my mother always told me she picked me up from the kuppethotti near my house

itsacharade: heee

me: but you're old
so we couldn't be twins
hmmm

itsacharade: maybe you gestated for longer

me: watever!
ooh u should totally watch nick and norah's infinite playlist

itsacharade: heh what is that

me: u usually watch all the movies i do
like 6 months after they came out

itsacharade: have you watched confessions of a shopaholic

me: and u usually like the ones i like

itsacharade: yeah... its a hk thing

me: um duh
i did not enjoy it as much as everyone else

itsacharade: why did they cast amy adams

me: too close to home

itsacharade: when reese witherspoon was made for the part

me: its not amy adams

itsacharade: hehe
oh
ok i haven't watched it yet

me: but omg i totally get confused with her and the other girl
who is isla fisher
who is married to BORAT of all ppl

itsacharade: oh yaaa

me: see how much random crap i know

itsacharade: heh she totally looks like amy adams
what's the point of having two of them

me: someone just asked me wat i was doing
and i said we're anooping

itsacharade: haha good word

me: yes

itsacharade: i love simon

me: me too

itsacharade: dont know why

me: did u see the results show yet?

itsacharade: but i'm going to hit him if he doesn't stop being mean to anoop

me: he was so mean

itsacharade: no and don't tell me!

me: to jorge
ok sorry
ull see
not mean
just um blunt

like even before they finished the question

itsacharade: between you and my husband i'm never going to experience the nail-biting anticipation of reality tv

me: heh
sorry sorry
when does it come on for u?

itsacharade: but that jorge was terrible

me: bwahahaha
yes

itsacharade: well i just wanted someone to be terrible so anoopy doesn't get kicked off

me: he was adorable for a week
when his words were coming out in spanglish
omg me too

itsacharade: yes, until paula went "say something in spanish"

me: after anoop started singing i was like oh shit. now i hope at least two ppl do worse.

ull read my post

itsacharade: that woman is totally from another planet

me: she is but i love her

itsacharade: i liked his beat it though... as in, it was totally in tune

me: some of the crap she says though i totally get

itsacharade: hahah really

me: yes
but sometimes shes just bsing

itsacharade: i think she just comes on the show to try on new vocabulary
which is a commendable pursuit an all

me: that other girl i dont like as much

itsacharade: but very bizarre to watch

me: cause she reminds me of my new boss

itsacharade: hee... does your new boss glow too
do you think the glow is real? or makeup?

me: makeup
that lil bows or watever was glowing too yesterday
all pink
and coraly

itsacharade: lill rounds
whoever the stylist is... can only dress boys

me: and when they show her at home videos with all her many offspring her skin looks terrible

itsacharade: who? lill rounds?

me: jasmine looked so cute today

itsacharade: or kara

me: some bright orange dress

itsacharade: whaat in the pink dress

me: and a feather pendent

ull see

no no

today

yesterday she looked ridiculous

okay so besides our bias for anoop dog

who do we think is the best singer

and do u hate danny goatee with the dead wife?

cause i do

i dont get it

also the beefy oil rigger guy

wat's so great? yeah so his job is kinda depressing and he has an offspring who comes on the show with posters saying vote for my daddy but who cares?

itsacharade: i liek danny... sadly

and also the oil rigger...

because he's cute

he's large

but cute

i also like the blind boy

though i hated him yesterday

i don't really like any of the girls

me: blind boy

can sing

was bad yesterday

itsacharade: yeah he was no?

me: but he can sing

heh

itsacharade: and he had a really fixed smile on face poor thing

me: they're scared to be mean to him though

not simon

heh

itsacharade: but he can sing

i knowww

i HATE it when kara goes "i'd really like to see you with your instrument

me: ooh when anoop got through to top 13

and all the contestants came running onto the stage

they left the blind guy by himself

he was standing there all alone clapping

itsacharade: nooo

me: but facing the right direction

heh

itsacharade: hahaha

noo... i thought his brother person brought him

me: i know the instrument thing makes me think of perverted things

itsacharade: worse, yesterday paula goes: it's so wonderful to see your instrument at your fingertips or some such

me: bwahahahaa

itsacharade: at least they're not saying organ

me: oh god

yes

itsacharade: the sad thing was, when he finally got his "instrument" he wasn't so mindblowing

poor thing

me: i know. hehe.

itsacharade: i just knew that was going to happen

me: but during hollywood week or something he was really good

itsacharade: performance anxiety

me: he sang this one song

itsacharade: in the video clip

did he have his "instrument" then?

me: yes

and he was awesome

im sure he has it on youtube

itsacharade: yeah he is generally awesome

me: oh and this is horrible and not funny but i have to tell u

itsacharade: i'll try not to laugh

me: on the tv guide channel they have fans send in questions to ask the idols

so the q was wat would be like your dream round on idol

so whore hey was like latin round

and red haired rocker chick was like alternative week

itsacharade: ouff

me: and gay boy with brilliant voice was like musical drama rock or something

and then the blind boy was like i would like to see...

and then they paused

and i was like omg

itsacharade: noooo

me: so mean

and he was like um i would like to see so and so round

and i was like bwhahahahaha

itsacharade: haha you're evil

me: isnt that just terrible

itsacharade: they did NOT pause

me: okay in my head

they paused for like 8 seconds

itsacharade: could be though

me: long enough for me to think such things

itsacharade: i hate how every contestant is trying to seem poor

liek

"we didn't have much growing up"

me: bwhahahah

yes

itsacharade: why don't they get some paris hilton types

me: thats why i hate the oil rigger guy

also danny go pee has not only a dead wife

but also he is head chuch choir boy or something

itsacharade: nooo i missed that

me: so all them church ppl have his back

poor anoop

itsacharade: oh yeah, he loves church music he kept saying

me: all he has are his adorable really really old parents

heh

ok im going to stop

itsacharade: aww they're not so old

me: or im going straight to hell

itsacharade: they're presentable actually

me: they're adorable

actually

itsacharade: yeah his mum hugged him

me: heh

itsacharade: i'm like oooh indian parents hugging their kids

me: have u seen his youtube vidoes

with his college band

itsacharade: nopes

me: him in a bowtie

youtube him fool

tons of videos

itsacharade: hahaha poor thing

me: thats why hes so popular

itsacharade: i must i must

me: ppl expect him to sing like that

itsacharade: is he? i thought we were his only fan club

me: dude no

everyone loves him

itsacharade: though he did get 14,000 something votes

me: do u not read the internet ?

itsacharade: 14 million

whatever

me: 14 m is too much

33 m was total votes cast

itsacharade: no no, my scope is too limited

me: aah

heh

google news

uff

itsacharade: haha ok then... see numbers mean nothing

me: hes popular

his college crowd

desi ppl

itsacharade: also, he lost out to danny by a small margin

me: and everyone else who is just like omg hes so cute

itsacharade: so my thinking was he HAS to be in the wild card

me: everyone says hes likable

yes

and they said it was the easiest choice

itsacharade: but then yesterday, simon kind of made out like he was the last choice

me: maybe thats why i hate danny

cause anoop lost out to him

itsacharade: the 13th... as if they hadn't just done that for shock value

so these highheelconfidential girls have me hooked on tons of celebrity websites. i am registered on all kinds of nonsense websites and most work afternoons i spend checking out bollywood celebrities at awards shows, peace rallies, ribbon cutting ceremonies [my most favourite thing ever. i have always dreamt of being invited to cut ribbon at some event] and anywhere else everyone is showing up to. today i spent a good part of the afternoon checking out amrita arora's wedding pictures. tons of ott celebs arriving with their cleavage, clutches and jewellery. apparently no one wears normal looking sarees anymore. they're all see through, glitter infested and worn only with shiny mettallic bikini tops. anyway so in between close ups of malaika's arm bracelet and some lady's clutch that looked like a radio which and i have to say i'm all for interesting bag designs but when you're going to a wedding and you're wearing a saree why you got to be holding a ridiculous radio shaped bag? now if it was in fact a real radio and she was holding it so she could keep track of the cricket score then that would be okay but we'll never know. right so coming to the point, in between all the shininess i spot what looks like an auto rickshaw and i'm like who came to this thing in an auto? turns out it was salman khan. there's a mob of people around him. the auto driver is beaming and then there's sallu. it's fucking hilarious. is he like banned from ever sitting in a car? i realise he runs over people all the time but like dude you could get a chauffer.

in anoop desai news........ he's so back! and looking hot. they made a special spot 13 just for him. awwww.

mausam ke sargam

a long long time ago in the 7th std this used to be my most favourite song in the whole wide world. anyone know what happened to this kid? no one has seen her since khamoshi came out. i think they cloned her just for the movie.

it's my half birthday today and no one wished me and even after i told them they didnt seem to think it was a big deal. it is. it's my half birthday!

watch this sort of related video to commemorate my title. i don't know. people be smoking weed in the garage area and the air be coming over here. people = my older sibling.

awww y'all watch anoop dawg tonight? super adorable! also adorable are mr and mrs desai. i have removed drishti for the entire family not to worry. today also marked the first time i voted for someone on tv and considering how much tv i watch this is rather shocking. anyway i have made up for it by voting from all the three available phones in the house. the stupid landline is down due to im thinking the rain? what is this? bangalore?

my only deal with anoop is the hair. my god if there were any more he would be blagojevic. chop it up boy. give it some shape. and dont listen to the judges. sing old songs if you like. just keep em soulful.

in other news i watched coraline and now im terrified of buttons.

in random product discovery of the week i recommend this spanish hand & body cream available at your local cvs pharmacy. it has leches which i'm told is not lychees and it's only 2.99 and it feels incredibly soft, like whipped cream only with a better smell. i would tell you the name right now except that would mean having to go upstairs. so tomorrow?

in urgent news we need to start some type of blogger revival movement. any ideas?

UPDATED: sniff. noopy didn't make the cut.
who picks the butcher over big brown dopey eyes? apparently 20,000 people. now we gotta hope for the wildcard round. if the internet is to be believed the 4th highest vote getter from each week [and that would be noopy for this week] automatically qualify for the wildcard auditions where the judges pick three more to join the top 12. i say the boy will be back. hopefully this time he will leave his beige taper pants that are at least a couple of inches too short for him at home. also was it just me or did he seem like he had absolutely no idea what the lyrics were to the group song tonight? he looked very lost wandering about the stage in his silly pants but every time they let him speak he just grows more and more adorable. makes you want to pinch his cheeks and feed him a besan ladoo.

apologies for being mia for so long. i was simply lazy. also tv's pretty good this time of the year. and i've had

the sundance channel for free for the longest time. they realized their mistake a couple of days ago and took it away. sniff.

in happy news i had some excellent bread today. mother and i were just discussing how awesome this particular loaf of bread was. we're saving its name and we're going to try to go back to the store every tuesday around 5 ish to look for this wonderful bread. we really really like this bread. it's our discovery of the week when it comes to food products. also it helped that i ate it with real butter today. not margarine. not i can't believe it's not butter. real butter. after the longest time too. most excellent it was.

you know who makes delicious bread and butter? koshys in bangalore. they make their own bread and their slices are very generous and they cut off the sides so you don't have to. also they have delicious ketchup. do you find that you go to places just for the condiments? like wendys here for example has good ketchup. that and they're thoughtful enough to have the little pumps so u don't have to struggle to open the damn packets. plus half the ketchup remains inside the packet anyway because u don't want to get it all over your fingers. i had this friend in bangalore who would go to kfc on brigade road [it used to be the only one in the city back then] just to eat their ketchup. we don't talk anymore this friend and i but back then we got really excited together about a lot of really stupid things. things that almost nobody else got. our favourite thing to discuss for example was this one c grade movie starring fardeen khan and this actress whose name i can't remember. the acting was just so bad we truly believed there had been a huge mistake and that somehow the wrong copy had been released. it seemed like all the scenes were first takes. many hours were spent giggling about said movie. we hadn't even watched it together so the moment we discovered our mutual fascination for the movie it was just incredible. i believe the moment happened during one of bandopadhya aka sofa pant's lectures on whateverthefuck it was he taught us. business material or something really random and useless. my friend would finish with her toi crossword and me with the bangalore times. then we'd hide under our gigantic ledger books and discuss how strange the movie was followed by theories on where they'd found this week's chandrika face of the week.

in entertainment news i watched he's just not that into you and it's very fun. also pink panther is kinda fun too. i can listen to steve martin's fake french accent all day. i wish they'd find someone to dub for aishwarya though. i think it would make her appear less annoying.

anyone watch dev d yet? it's not showing here. i cant believe it. i've checked every possible theater.

also my hottie wyatt cenac is starring in a new movie. see see. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sVEi_57JKMs

and it looks like our anoop desai made it to top 36 on idol. yay for him. they didn't show much of him today but from what i saw i think he was wearing a white kurta and a very sad looking scarf. boy needs makeover pronto. call me. plus with this frieda pinto showing up everywhere looking fabulous the standards have been raised for desi people everywhere. yes we can people.


in work news they laid off a bunch of people. remember r? yeah that will not be necessary anymore. disco and i wish him luck in his future endeavours. good thing he was a full time banker/part time hooker. i kid. i kid.


in commuter watching do u check people out in traffic? i do. everyday. not in a i hope to meet the future love of my life at one of these lights kind of way. i just think it's interesting to watch peoples' expressions on their way back from work. lots of yawny stretchy people. way too many zombie looking people and if you're lucky the occasional head bobber. i like when there's hand movement along with the head bobbing to music i cannot hear but can totally imagine. i like the evening people way better than the morning people. morning people be crazy. also most mornings i'm running late so i don't have time to be checking people out. i have lip gloss to locate in gigantic purse. also appropriate cd to locate based on current mood and weather conditions. i multitask at signals in the morning. also i'm generally in a better mood on the way back home than on the way to work and maybe everyone else is too so it's a funner exercise that time of the day.

alright i feel the need for more delicious bread. this is so weird. i hate bread. muah.

obama day

so it finally happened. and it was very special.

it's been a whole year since disco and me fell madly in love with obama so we were very very proud yesterday. i wasn't in washington for the inauguration because due to the fact that it was freezing cold and i dont do boots. or hats. it's why i moved the hell out of denver. also i have a job to report to where they so kindly provide us with heating and lukewarm coffee. more importantly they got a flat screen tv in the building. i'm glad though that when i did get the opportunity to be in the same room as obama i showed up. i can say to my neighbours' grandkids some day - "i was a part of it." sniff.

in related news i approved of the first lady's jason wu gown. i thought she looked lovely. heck i wouldn't have minded if she had worn ten different designers to the ten inaugural balls. i know we're in an economic crisis and all but it's not really a waste of money if the dress is free no so what everybody's problem IS?

and how cute was old man bushy eyebrows with his colourful rhyming prayer? be seeing.

for comedy moment of the day i cant decide between aretha franklin's giant bow or dick cheney in his wheelchair.

p.s. john stewart on fox news' obsessive coverage of bush's journey back home to texas while every one else was watching obama day - "let it go. it's over. if u love an administration let it go. if it comes back to you we're all moving to canada."

p.p.s. if you're new and want to catch up on the love story between disco and obama go here.

idol

anyone watch anoop desai on american idol? macchan boy was wearing awkward length shorts, some silly checked shirt and hawai chappals to his audition but he can sing. i would attempt to find a video link for you but it might be too early and i'm sure our good friends at sepia mutiny will have an in depth analysis on simon's comment soon followed by a poll on what percentage of brown people were offended. he said "your look is very geeky at the moment. you look like you just got out of a meeting with bill gates or something ... you know, very i.t.." i predict the boy will be hot after a mini makeover and he'll probably do okay if he picks the right songs and covers them hairy legs.

anyone watch the other idol? indian idol? i watch mostly for javed akhtar. he is most hilarious and he always looks in pain.



some gems from this season's auditions -


boy has just sung decently. is about to be sent to the next round when he says sir sir mera ek khud ka composition bhi hain....

javed akhtar: khatron me mat pado! jao.
***

fool singing: kaaton ne foolon ne mujhko bulaaya........

javed akhtar: aapko nahin pataa ke fool bevakoofon ko kehte hain or phool flower ko? yeh aap foolon ki raani gaa rahein hain. kya gadhon ki raani hain bevakoofon ki rani hain? kiski rani hain woh?
***

contestant has been singing completely out of tune for a whole minute when javed akhtar interrupts him to say:

mein ek baat ki guarantee de saktha hu aapko. ke yeh tune jo hain, shankar ehsan loy ki, jab tak aapne 'mein hu don' nahin kahaan tha tab tak woh bhi nahin pehchaan paatein ke yeh woh gaana hain. maine likha, magar main bhi pakad nahin paaya tha.
***

besura boy is howling while making strange tornadoesque hand movements.

javed akhtar: main ek baat notice ki ke aap sirf ek haath se gaate hain.
***

nervous looking boy enters room.

javed akhtar: kya sunaanewaala hain aap?

boy: gaana sunaunga

javed akhtar: haan aap gaane hi sunaayenge. mausam ka haal to sunna nahin hain hamein. yeh bataayiye ke gaane mein kya sunaayenge?

boy: jo soch rakhaa hain woh

javed akhtar: soch rakha woh hi sunaayenge? bahut matlab aap information aise dete hain jaise kanjoos udhaar detaa hain, badi mushkil se.
***

boy asks javed akhtar for ashirvad.

javed akhtar: zaroor zaroor mera aashirvaad hain. bhagwaan aapko sur mein le aaye.
***

p.s. this masakali song is lovely no but wateetees?


last season's indian idol post if you're super bored.

my list

it's a new year. this year everything will be different. no really. vast changes will take place in my life. by changes i of course mean improvements.

this year i plan to work on my handwriting. no one can read it anymore. not even me. also i plan to eat lots of watermelon and read more. real books. not blogs with no punctuation.

i plan to find a new celebrity to be inspired by this year. most of last year i spent watching obama attempt to begin to change the world. i can't imagine how dreadfully boring 2008 would have been without him and his stunning family.

i will continue to watch lots of movies. even more than last year. thank you netflix and amc and edward cinemas and bollywood cinema 6 and angelika.

if it snows one more time in houston i will fucking move someplace else. that was not funny.

i will help gaysin come out.

i will finally buy some anti virus for my laptop.

i will visit the motherland.

i will feed disco because i love him like a son.

i have a new post for you but following the request of a fellow blogger mentioned in said post i have had to use the sicrit blog to publish it. see you there?

blogging during a recession is hard. especially if you're a banker. this is when you dig into your savings also known as your gmail draft folder and copy paste some really old bs for the amusement of your blaudience in hopes that they will still love you and send you fan mail. mera saath doge blaudience?


to the person who googled "what does it mean when a tulsi plant dies" and was directed to my blog which was of no help: it means you need to water it fool. also if you rotate around it singing 'om bhur bhuvah svah' with a ba like person that helps too.
***


i met this lady today who is clearly obsessed with all things desi. she told me she goes to a masaale bhangra class. whatever that is! when she walked in it smelt like she had dunked herself in a tub of sandlewood oil. she asked if i knew how to do mindi. i was like um bindi?? and she was like no no mindi, like for your hands and i was ohh mehendi!! i've had it done before but i don't know how to do it and she was like oh well i'm getting it done this weekend for the first time, i'm so excited and i was like oh excellent.

see now there's this pressure to bring up something mindi bindi yoga or bhangra related every time i see her or she'll be disappointed. damn it i think i liked it better when everyone assumed i was hispanic. no no take that back. we don't want to go there. i don't want to be attacked again by some old hispanic couple who are ashamed to think i have chosen not to learn my native tongue. talking about people who love desi culture i met this super fun hair stylist recently who loves desi music. apparently he goes on you tube and searches for indian music and then dances or gives his roomate a relaxing massage depending on what plays. i swear this is what he said. other things he told me: that i look like the sort of person who could own my own business empire some day. i had almost decided to tip him well when he ruined it all by saying this business would have to be something boutiquey. all this two minutes after meeting me. also he told me his entire life story. his dreams for the future. and also that my hair was in terrible need of moisture and that i had come just in time for him to save it from dying a horrible death.
***


me singing along to the radio: hand me a sandwich..... sandwich......sandwich

concerned coworker: um that is not what they're' singing.

me: it's not?

cc: no! it's "my heart is damaged.......damaged.....damaged..."

me: no way! really?

cc: um yaa!

song in question by danny dee cane also known as p diddy's triplets.
***


i went to the mall today to get my eyebrows done. this threading thing seems to really be catching on here because there's always a line at the threading place. they have this system where you sign in and hang around till your name gets called or you sign in, walk around the mall for a bit and then come back and wait around until your name gets called. so that's what i did today except when i got back there was only one lady doing someone's eyebrows and this other pregnant lady was sitting in the empty chair i guess assuming she was next. i had just gotten back in line and this other lady, the one who i really like to get my eyebrowns done by came back and so naturally she looked in the book and called out the next name which was mine. pregnant lady looked like she had no intention whatsoever of getting up. eyebrow lady then showed her the book where clearly her name was after mine. pregnant lady was now glaring at me. still sitting mind you, but glaring. so were a few other people in line. almost to say you're not seriously going to make this poor woman get off the chair so you can get your eyebrows done first. suddenly i was the villain. people were mumbling and shaking their heads. i was like screw you all. i need to be someplace so i sat down as soon as prego wobbled off the chair. i mean just because someone's knocked up doesn't entitle them to get ahead of the line. see. there i go again. doing my civic duty. fighting for equality. yay me.
***


quick personal updates: i was almost deported. i manged to survive that.
while mother is out of the country brother is slowly turning the house into a homeless person/animal shelter.
gaysin has pierced both his ears and gotten a ghastly tatoo for his upcoming trip to india. im hoping he will put pics up on orkut.
i believe i saw santa today. the real santa. there was something about his eyes.
***


p.s. prabhu, yes it's okay to leave comments for posts written in 2007. i still see them.

p.p.s. happy birthday bikerdude. congratulations on turning the big 40.


i have more silly drafts sitting around. i may copy paste some more based on popular demand.

life as a blind ish person is not easy. i have red eye. i woke up saturday morning and just had it. my left eye was all itchy and watery and generally annoying. i had to not wear contact lenses all weekend. now any normal person would pop on their pair of glasses except i haven't worn mine in a long time. in fact i haven't seen mine in a long time. turns out in the process of moving i had managed to crack one side and then not bothered to replace it.

i spent my saturday in bed. it was easier than you'd think. i woke up every now and then to put eye drops in my eye. very soothing they be. i even made it down the stairs to the kitchen. it helps when you know where everything is. then i wandered over to my couch where i listened to the tv for a bit. turns out my hand knows the remote like the back of my hand.

sunday though i couldn't survive. around late afternoon i had to come up with a temporary solution. some way to be able to watch 'desperate housewives' and 'brothers and sisters' later that night. i popped my contact lens into the one good eye and then managed to locate my pair of cracked glasses. then i was magically able to get the cracked piece to fall out completely so that one side was now completely glass free, all this without injuring myself. then i was able to wear my glasses because due to the fact that the side of the glass that still worked was also the side of my infected eye. at this point i was wearing glasses on one side and contacts on the other except my glasses were so old the power was kinda low. so i could sorta see but not very well. i tried watching tv through my new invention but it was very uncomfortable. i eventually took my glasses off and watched tv with one eye shut. it's harder than you think. i wished i was one of those people who used eye masks to sleep in. that way i could have just cut one eye out and been like a pirate. i also thought about putting cotton over one eye and taping it down with my 'finding nemo' band aids. after all this thinking i got tired. also it had been more than 24 hours since the infection had started. i decided my eye didn't look as red as it did yesterday so i went ahead and put my contact lenses back in. as we speak it's not burning or anything so yay.

i know you're all dying to come up with mean one liners and horrible punny titles to this post. go right ahead. i'm looking at you shenoy saar.

a part of what was promised..

ill get right to it. the new coldplay cd, well it's not really new but it's the last one that came out. anyway i like it and all.. it's just that every time i listen to it something bad happens. twice i have gotten lost while the cd was playing, leading to two different toll violations. another time i was almost haunted. mostly all the bad things that have happened have been driving related but last tuesday i didnt want to take any chances so as i backed my car out of the office parking lot and the evil cd started to play i stopped and did the right thing. i changed the music to something more how you say [?] hopeful and then proceeded to drive home. and that's how obama won.

okay also i helped people decide who they needed to vote for. like my mother. and people at work who don't watch the news. my mother watches the news [mostly anderson cooper because he comes on right after her lifetime movie is over] i just help break it down for her. also i helped clear any doubts she had about emails crazy ladies from her church kept forwarding her. then i registered her to vote and did a dry run with her before she went down to the polling place. there was some confusion about choosing democrat the whole way and then clicking on obama's name for president and those two things cancelling each other out. anyway by the time she and her sister went out to vote they were well trained. yay them!

at work there was this one fool who was convinced she would be arrested if she showed up to vote because of her unpaid parking tickets. first i told her she was stupid to believe that. then i gave her a lecture about setting a good example for all four of her kids. it worked. she went. she was unable to provide me with her 'i voted' sticker so i dont know for sure but ill take her word for it.

so see obama people, i did everything you asked me to do. and more. so please stop sending me email. it's all done. we did it. unless the president elect wants to see me personally i dont need updates. i get those from olbermann. also from that maddow girl who i might have a tv crush on.

coming soon -

disco's reaction to the obama victory and what this means for liberal fish everywhere.
how disco thinks he might be related to jesse jackson.
how disco's mommy thinks she contributed to the victory.
dada's last test :(
vacation stories etc..

this fake post is an attempt to encourage bloggers everywhere to come out of hibernation. or just come out.
yes we can!

happy birthday ananda enanda.

is there such a thing as carom board powder because i swear just now i could smell it on this guy. i wanted to warn him of the possibility of a skin rash but i wasnt sure if he would know what carom board powder was or even what a carom board was. also maybe my family was cheap and used regular powder the whole time we were kids. i might never find out.

raise your hand if you think this is deep enough for a postsecret entry.

nick and norah's infinite playlist and meeting vip bloggers.

sigh. this movie is very special. it is sweet and funny and smart. the entire cast is adorable - nick and norah, nick's gay band mates, norah's drunk and unbelievably gross best friend, the couple making out in the backseat of the car, the car, the solo dancing idiot, devendra banhart and his equally ridiculous friend at the store, man unwilling to part with turkey sandwich, man at ticket counter, smoking jesus, the music [richard hawley, we are scientists], ny city at night. really. all adorable. but especially nick and norah. they're musical soulmates and they're perfect for each other. i love how all of nick's friends know instantly that norah is the one for their friend and they have accessories in the back of their van to help her shine*. i love the moments in the studio and in the car and in the van and on the escalator.

you know a movie's good when you're smiling for the entire duration of it and you want it to go on a little bit longer. you can watch some clips here here and here but i suggest you go watch the whole thing. and no it's not too young for you. unless you're like 30. :)

in other devastating news i just found out my most favourite billboard is gone. what used to be 'need laser? call 713 R U HAIRY' is now 'pregnant? scared? you're not alone'. sniff. i miss that billboard. it made me giggle every evening on my way home from work. and most importantly it reminded me of koodal karen.

in blogger news i got to meet the very famous puppy manohar. i realized too late that i had forgotten to carry my autograph book with me so he is just going to have to fax me a copy. we ate some decent south indian food while i quizzed him on the whereabouts and other um choices of baby vyjayanti. then kp our designated driver showed us around various side streets of houston that were still without power after the hurricane and were therefore pitch dark and filled with tree debris. after the fun sightseeing we attempted to watch 'burn after reading' from some bucket seats whilst trying not to go squint. all in all a very fun evening. [we link to kp in the hopes that someone will appreciate his genius writing skills]

also i realize it's kind of late to talk about the emmys but someone asked so yeah i did watch and yeah i cheered when tina fey and 30 rock won again. my most favourite dress was heidi klum. not the silver grey red carpet one but the yellow grey one she wore while hosting. she changed like 8 times so you might have missed it but it was beautiful this dress. like a painting. later on i found out it was a christian siriano dress. see.

p.s. movie theater pretzels suck. also do not be fooled into buying the new wrigleys doublemint cute pack. sure it has a cool flap but it don't taste the same. weird and grainy is not the same.

*shine = lift and separate her boobs.

happy fall.

lettuce come together brown people.

kindly be seeing.

with regard to sepia mutiny [and the other desi group blogs that seem to follow a similar pattern] i think it's hysterical how obsessed they've become with discovering potential candidates to accuse of racism and stereotyping. i mean anything any white person says about brown people is scrutinized until through some weird logic it is proven to be offensive.

what amazes me tremendously is their ability to spot all these random desi people in the background at some political rally or on some 2 minute spot on tv. you'd think they have some type of special application on their tivo to pause every time it sees brown. i mean i watch a lot of tv but holy crap did you know there was recently a brown person "representing" us on a cooking reality show for all of 20 minutes after which they were tragically eliminated thus dashing a billion hopes whilst managing to leave a crack in the glass ceiling for future desi chefs who want to be on reality tv. i'm surprised they didn't start some type of online petition protesting the cut.

also at the bottom of their page it says and i'm not making this up - "to prevent comment spam, please type the word brown below". and it doesnt work if you type wheatish complexioned.

it's time for a gtalk talk post. warning: all gtalk talk posts are extremely silly.

Siddharth's new status message - I wish I could live in the dream that I fly on tarred & feathered wings 12:36 AM

me: wtf does that mean?

me: why tarred and feathered?

why not tarred and glittered?

Siddharth: you don't know tarred and feathered aa?

me: no

Siddharth: in the olden days if you were accused of something

me: they cut your head off yes?

Siddharth: they would put a vat of tar on you and then put feathers and make you go around the city

AND THEN cut your head off

me: dont lie. they didnt have tar back then

they didn't have roads

me: u know when ppl say india zindabad

pakistan murdabad

i always get confused

Siddharth: yes

me: if they say zindabad it's good

and if they say murdabad it's bad no?
Siddharth: good doubt

me: good doubt it seems

Siddharth: you know

i didn't know what dhedh and dhai difference was

i kept getting confused

and then one movie released called dhai akshar prem ke

and i knew there were two and a half letters in the hindi prem

so that's how i know

me: omfg

dhai akshar prem ke

is also how i learnt that they have special words for half numbers

Siddharth: im glad you are my pgf

me: first of all their whole numbers are so hard

like in normal languages if u know 1 to 19

Siddharth: i dont know after 25

Siddharth: yes yes

me: and then 20 30 40 etc u can do the rest

Siddharth: yes yes

me: but in hindi it's so random

Siddharth: exactly

i know ninyanave

because it's always ek sow ninyanave

isn't that the coolest word?

ninyanave

me: i know shoonya

because on that surabhi show on dd

remember with renuka shahane?

she used to read the postal address

Siddharth: heheheehe

i know
you know what decimal point is?

me: and it had so many shoonyas in it

Siddharth: i know

decimal is dhashamlau

because temperature in chennai is always chaalees dhasamlau nou

me: heh

paapa chennai peoples

Siddharth: http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_Wn___Ao8fQ4/SMXDmN6oDsI/AAAAAAAAAQE/jc9wK8Cgavc/s1600-h/P1010144.JPG

me: hehe. i know

Siddharth: are you shitting me?

me: i'm sure they looked less cheap greeting card in person

me: tell me abt zindabad murdabad

u know the diff?

Siddharth: murd sounds like murder

and zinda means living
does that help?
me: yes yes
Pri's new status message - 'lehman brothers murdabad tiwari brothers zindabad' 1:13 AM
Siddarth: who are the lehman brothers?
me: nobody

after today

muahahahaa

p.s. no offense meant to blogger linked. the flowers you pick don't make you who you are.