Sunday, August 26, 2007

Cream coloured suits, hooker heels and lots of gibberish.

We attended our first 'Desi event' in Houston last night. Gay cousin who doesn't know he's gay yet offered to drive. No jazz station this time. Instead ABBA! Mother sang along much to my annoyance. Don't even ask about the time we went to watch 'Mama Mia'. I was stuck sitting between my parents, both of whom decided they remembered enough of the words to sing along. Luckily for me the lights were dim.

Anyway it was a long drive to this place mostly because gay cousin who doesn't know he's gay yet doesn't believe in turning on the air conditioning even when its a 100 degrees outside. He claims it was on the whole time. To add to that he has this terrible car perfume thing that makes me sick. I made a vow never to sit in his car again, besides watching other people attempt to drive has never been my favourite thing. The conversation in the car was lead mostly by gay cousin who doesn't know he's gay yet who pointed out the 'nice areas' and the 'bad areas'. He also asked for suggestions for his Halloween costume. In case you weren't aware Halloween is more than two months away.

We arrived there way early and had to sit through part of the rehearsal. We listened to one man [with his long greasy hair in a ponytail wearing a cream coloured suit. No, not beige, not white. Cream, almost yellow] sing a ballad over and over again because he had to keep starting over. And he insisted on walking off the stage and back each time. It was fucking hilarious and sadly I've never been a discreet giggler. Plus we were sitting too much in front. Hmmm now that i think about it i might have been part of the reason why the poor man had so many false starts. Oh well.

Gay cousin who doesn't know he's gay yet totally had the hots for the mike tester guy who sang a few Hindi songs during the break. He couldn't stop gushing over his wonderful voice. He sounded decent, nothing spectacular.

So this event was to celebrate the spirit of Goa and we really didn't know what to except. What we didn't realise was that the entire program would be in Konkani. The music was nice but really after you hear 8 songs in a language you don't understand they all begin to sound the same.

The actual show began when man in charge [who for some reason decided he needed to button only the very last button on his jacket, giving the impression he was pregnant] gave this big speech [the only part of the show that was in English]. The rest of the show consisted of more singing and random little plays. Our ponytailed friend would come on stage, sing, make the same exact hand movements and walk off. Ten minutes later he would be back in a new suit, sing another song, make the same hand movements, walk around the stage awkwardly in between stanzas, walk off and ten minutes later the same thing.

Then suddenly the backdrop collapsed.

I was too shocked to laugh but turns out that was meant to happen. What followed next was this incredibly long play in Konkani. The lead actor wore orange lipstick. He was supposedly some sort of a doctor and the dialogue was between him and this one crazy dude. We know he was crazy because his head was bandaged, he made funny faces and held a toy duck in one hand. The scene went on and on and on. I made signs to mother and aunty that we should go but gay cousin who doesn't know he's gay yet seemed to be enjoying himself. As far as i know he doesn't understand a word of Konkani. More songs followed and more mini plays or different acts of the same play i have no idea. Finally he nodded and we left the hall only to be stopped by man in charge at the door who asked if we enjoyed ourselves. We lied and left.

For me the funnest part of the evening was the conversation i overheard.

"I think I'm overdressed men"
"No no, see over there, purple frock"
"My God!! Too much men"

[The purple frock also happened to be velvet in case you were wondering]

"Would you be know what happened to Jude?"

"Just you have this" - lady wearing a hideous orange and yellow striped dress with hooker heels who handed me a flyer.

"Hi. Im ******, will you also be performing tonight?" - gay cousin who doesn't know he's gay yet's painful attempt at flirting, with lady wearing hideous orange and yellow striped dress with hooker heels.

and my favourite -

"Did you see Jenny?"
"Ya aa, she helloed me when i came in."

12 comments:

The Bride said...

Hehehe how funny that Goan people still sound like Goan people in other parts of the world. Though I'm sure you're exagerrating. It canot be true.

Janefield said...

this was so cute men.
what men. how can u loff at my grandmother's tongue men. chih!
and gay cousin is a riot!

Ashwin said...

Weren't you going to call "gay cousin who doesn't know he's gay yet" gaysin?

Silvara said...

Hahaha...So far I haven't had the pleasure of sitting through anything like that. But highly amusing it was to read :D

Loving ur cuz more and more hehehe...should try and set him up with a nice guy :)

rebel said...

She helloed me? ROTFL!!!

Kay to the B said...

im helloing you men....
what happened men why naat usage of bootiful words gaysin???
de backdrop dropped off???
heeeeeeeeee
hilarious!!!
im already liking your new place!!!

Irbaz said...

does ur gay cousin who doesnt know he's gay yet by any chance know that you blog?

Pri said...

@the bride: do u speak any konkani? and i was so not exaggerating.

@janefield: oho! manglur sides or goa?

@ashwin: nope by popular demand we decided to keep the original. i think im over it though. hmmm i dont know. we'll see.

@silvara: um first i need someone to tell him he's gay.

@rebel: that was a first for me too. i wasn't sure i had heard right but nope thats what she said.

@kb: by popular demand we decided to keep the longer version also i didn't want people to be offended by gaysin.

@irbaz: fuck no! although he used to have a blog a couple of years ago. oh god i know this isn't going to end well.

Krish Ashok said...

Did they sing that "Na Maango Sona Chaandi" tune? When I went to Goa, I had this distinct feeling that every Goan song sounded like that one

Janefield said...

grandparents parents from kerala. but me has never lived in kerala, goa or mangalore for that matter. its been a nomadic life! :D

Su said...

Ha Ha :) Sounds like the most terrible progam in the Universe. We must induct it into the hall of torture for as punishment for people who do bad things :)

Poor gay cousin who does not know he's gay yet ! Hope he never stumbles across this blog

Gitanjali said...

Does gay cousin who doesnt know he is gay read your blog? what if he stumbles across it by accident?!!! hahahaaaa!
PS: but just imagine if your blog was his chance to come out!! Cyber gayness!