Thursday, May 15, 2008

complicated vacations and why people who agree to it need to be shot in the face.

i feel guilty. like im cheating on you with directv or something. i guess technically it's the other way around since directv is my true love. anyway since y'all are so sad i'll copy paste email conversations for your amusement. back in the day every third post was a gtalk conversation. i kinda miss that.

karen sends me some lame forward about eye donation. he adds "plis to be understanding spam value with a message."

i reply: benchod!

karen: is that your new favourite word?

me: what are you doing? how come you don't call me anymore? like when you're drunk and roaming outside my old school at 2 am? and when are you going on your trip?

karen: Going to Delhi on Sunday to meet the other boys and their wives and then we're going to KL on Monday. Ok, I think I'm the only one not really excited about the trip somehow. Except this one place I have decided to eat at, but again, not about the trip. Also, I also found out that the chocolate massage is only for women. I dont really care about the massage, i just want to be dunked in chocolate. It's kind of kinky. All the others have planned what they're going to shop for, where they'll shop, what they will do during the day and night, where they're going to buy their stuff because it's cheaper/not fake, where they'll get their LV purses, where they'll get their cameras, their laptops, their mobiles and even where they'll get their fuckin' underwear washed. Who is abnormal, me or them?

I don't see the fun in the trip if they do that no? WTF happened to walking on the road and wanting to eat something you see on the picture in the window and then going to some mall and buying nonsense you will never use?

me: yeah yeah i hate it when people have everything planned out for their vacation. full schedule from morning to evening with tour guide and alarm clocks. "you see, we must get up at 4 am to trek up a mountian to see the sunrise etc." so lame! vacation means sleeping till some 10:30. the only reason u even wake up at 10:30 is because most hotels will act like benchods and refuse to serve you breakfast after that. after that you relax in your bed and order room service for lunch. then you take a long bath in the exotic tub and roam around the city with big sun glasses. you buy nonsense, stop and point at things in the distance, drink litttle daroo, buy more useless things and if anyone mentions camping, trekking, rock climbing, fishing etc you thup in their face. like that vacation should be. oh and at night u should come to hotel vaapas and get ready full jhaang and go out partying. then get drunk and make out with hot boy or girl of your choice and come back and sleep. rinse. repeat. no?

karen: Your description of the perfect holiday sounds more like a sindhi wedding. Yes, i like that too.

Talking of sunglasses and useless things in the same sentence - i've bought so many pairs but have never worn them because then i have to take off my regular glasses which makes me blind. Whenever i've tried to change the lenses to powered ones they say they can't do it for that particular pair i've bought and then my chutiya brothers flick it and land up losing it in a week. I can't wear contacts because it's too complicated in life.* There is this new awesome contact lense they've come out with which you wear and must take off only at the end of the month. You can supposedly swim, drive, sleep etc wearing it. But my assholing doc didn't "recommend" it because "it is after all a foreign body in the eye". Chutiya.

me: OMG! just get the fucking lenses. or get another doctor. i would have killed myself if it wasnt for contacts in the 10th std. how is it like a sindhi wedding?

* i haven't heard anyone use that expression since the 6th grade. have you?


traveller said...

You know the key to spend a holiday like this is to beat the constant urge 'to have fun.' When you go on a vacation people assume you are going to do a million things and we end up doing the million things bcos we have to come back and brag about 'the amount of fun we had' when in fact fun for us is vegetating in front of the 32 inch flat tv while lying in the super cool bath tub and talking over the phone fixed exactly at half an arm's length from the bathtub..

Hmmm.. We live for others!

kavitha said...

your vacation version sounds beshtu...esp the partying, make out sessions with hot boys.:D

so why sindhi wedding?

??! said...

Wow. It's like you're channeling Scouty. Or Revati. You are soul-sisters!

Also...Karen? What sort of boy name is that?

Bikerdude said...

Hello you cant use 'thup in face' and 'full jhanng' and all- they are my words. OK no they are benglur common property correct. And yes using 'in life' for everything was all the rage in the 90s when you were presumably in 6th grade.

I completely agree about holiday plan though. All hotel breakfasts must be open all day.

How dare anybody take a vacation when I'm languishing here I say.

The_Girl_From_Ipanema said...

This karen is same bugger who took scenic drive and all? tell him to stop making us all jealous. enough already. rubbish nonsense.

Pri said...

traveller: yes yes. most accurate you are.

kavitha: we're not sure yet.

the riddler: the email part? the lazy vacation part? which part?

also karen was originally named karan by his parents. however we have had to change it to something more appropriate so as to avoid confusion in the koodal world.

bikerdude: oho you eat at exotic food places dinaa in bengluru. you dont need to go anywhere.

tgfi: yes yes he would be the same fool.

karen: you still talking to me?

khal said...

glad you're back. was going into serious withdrawal. ;)

narendra shenoy said...

I've seen Gujjus planning seashore trips.

9.00 am - Bus ma javanoo (to be going in bus
10.00 am - Beach pochvanoo(to be reaching beach)
10.01 am to 10.30 am - Khakhra ane chundo khavanoo (To be eating Khakra and chundo)

10.30 am to 11.00 am - Joke marvanoo (To be cracking jokes)

And so on. I love visualizing a couple of dozen Khakra fed people of Gujarati origin solemnly sitting in a circle on some beach and on the stroke of 10.30, commencing the cracking of jokes. Does life get any better than that?

Art said...

Vacationing as a kid meant I had to watch the wives sit together in a group and cackle away, the men sit together and drink alcohol and watch these other kids jumping around and telling the others the latest factoid on the human body.

Having said that, I would like nothing better than to trek up a mountain and watch the sunrise. Maybe alone.

But there's also the sunset for the less inclined right? :)

Pri said...

art: yeah also the weather channel. occasionally they'll show you the sun doing its thing. there's something magical about the sun on a big screen tv. plus i get to watch the sunset everyday on my way back from work. sometimes when the traffic is horrideous and we're all just sitting there in our cars on 610 staring at the concrete i reach out for my camera phone and take stunningly beautiful pictures of the thing.

frissko said...

what joy this is. thank you :). btw, did karen boy give an explanation about the pondicherry blunder of many centuries ago? (the west coast east coast thing).

liking your vacashun idea, but i am usually the one who gets up at 6:30 am waking every one else up so that we can reach kumara parvatha peak on time...and other such things :)...

Art said...

shit man. the big screen tv must make up for working on vacations.

Pri said...

shenoy saar: bwahahahaha. now i'm tempted to google 'gujarati association of houston' and find a fun gujju family to hang out with this weekend.

frissko: yes yes. he admitted he was wrong and for that i am truly grateful to you.

??! said...

Dude, you forgot the thepla. How could you forget the thepla??!