you know those days?
when you bring packed lunch to work like a good girl but then drop it all on the kitchen floor. when you pull up to the chinese restaurant and your cell phone goes flying out of your lap landing god knows where in the car. when you can't find it even though you've looked for like five minutes. when you eventually find it but you've scraped your fingers getting to it. when you should be getting out of the car but your arm isn't reaching for the door because the song that's playing perfectly encapsulates your mood. and now you're staring. at nothing in particular. like a crazy person. the weather's all gloomy. it should really be pouring right now but it isn't for some reason. the perfect ambiance for your mood. more staring. you just can't look away. you reach in your bag for some water. you can feel the flat round plasticy thing you bought yourself while you were out 'secret santa' shopping last night. you peel off the plastic and one deep whiff later you're back to day dreaming. it's amazing where different smells can take you. one whiff of this passion fruit body butter and it's flashback time. to your last trip home. it feels wrong to call it a trip. but that's what it was. it was your birthday. ha! the disaster that was your birthday. dad yelling. he had every right to. you had just crashed the new car into the wall. the rain. cause it always rains on your birthday. always. the women at the beauty parlour. the terrible birthday lunch. feeling scared because you were starting to feel like a stranger in your own home. and yet the dread of leaving. the crying in the bathroom. the relatives. oh god the relatives. the questions. YOU.
you never calling to say goodbye. damn it! you never said goodbye.