Thursday, December 13, 2007

meet the new crazies

apparently i'm now approachable. and seem the listening kind.

when the fuck did that happen?

i have had to listen to the boring details of so many people's lives today it's not even funny. also i've noticed old women really seem to like me. this ninety year old woman today liked my blouse so much she insisted i give her directions to the store i bought it at. ninety! or something very close to Dada's second innings score.

***

we're doing secret santa at the office and i need to find something fun to get for this incredibly boring girl with a disturbingly deep voice, that's under twenty bucks. you know i think it's high time i introduced y'all to the office. the new office. i hated it at first. but it's gotten better. a lot better. especially since the old manager was transferred and this other bitch i couldn't stand left. the new manager is cool. very approachable. very smart. terrible dresser. i mean suits don't have to look like that! especially skirt suits.

then there's R who everyone thinks is incredibly hot. i am still undecided on this matter. mostly because i recently found out R has a child. and that makes him old, thereby eliminating his hotness.

then there's A who could also learn a thing or two about fashion. she loves her taper fit gray pants this one. also vpl's galore. but she's one of those people you can't not like. very helpful. apparently also one of those people who can't say no. like today for example she spent her entire lunch hour doing her daughter's homework assignment. the assignment was to come up with one animal for every letter in the english alphabet and then write ten things about it.

can you believe the things they make little children do?

i couldn't tell you ten things about disco if i tried. and he's my pet. in fact he's been my pet for the past seven lives. his. not mine.

then there's D who can be lots of fun but who says the most inappropriate things. all the time. and i normally enjoy inappropriate banter. just not when it involves such intimate details about someone's sex life. or bowel movements.

then there's K whose son i mistook for her daughter. this was back when i was new. i thought she would hate me forever. then i realised that wasn't possible. not with me anyway. K is pregnant. enough said.
no no i kid. she's actually quite hysterical. likes to tell everyone exactly what she's thinking. at the moment she's thinking it, making it very entertaining for me. is also very aware of my caffeine levels during the day. which is a good thing.

then there's M. clearly insane. obsessed for some reason with baby goats. and by obsessed i mean the boy will sing baby goat songs all day. baby goat songs that go like this "and a baby goat...and a baby goat.............and a baby goat...and a baby goat", will send email mentioning baby goats, even wrote down 'baby goat' on his secret santa wish list! allegedly engaged. to a girl. we think he might be bi curious. says fabulous a lot. always notices what shoes who's wearing. will complement said person on their shoes. will sing and dance on key. does his eyebrows. i told him i'd introduce him to gay cousin who doesn't know he's gay yet. but he just shook his head and said something about a baby goat.

then there's R who recently had a baby. you wouldn't believe it if you saw her. super skinny this one. what would make you believe it though are her boobs. ridiculously huge. apparently she's still breast feeding. she's told us. repeatedly. this is the same one with the scary voice. the tone of her voice never changes. ever. even when she laughs. its fascinating. also very creepy.

So there. the new office.

oh and by the way everyone thinks i'm very proper. whatever that means!

12 comments:

Renovatio said...

Something deeply tragic that happened to India: McDonalds. Something deeply tragic that happened to (two) Indians: Aurelia hurt her clutch plate :(

khal said...

pri, you just had me rolling on the floor doubled up in laughter. Not a pretty sight but there it is.

Point to be noted, m'lord, (sorry just finished watching Om Shivpuri in random desi flick) from all the dudes I know, no straight men ever notice shoes (unless they work for Bata and you walk in wearing Skechers). This one's in denial. Check if he shaves arms/legs/chest. Two out of three is a sure sign. You could do gaysin a favor and introduce the two of them. That may give you a whole new episode to blog about.

La vida Loca said...

maybe your "proper personality" alter ego gets out at work?

Anonymous said...

is disco he/she? why?

Pri said...

reno: boy, as usual i have no diea wtf you're talking about.

khal: yes yes. i've watched legally blonde. i know. tonight i get to meet his "friend" his "homie" as he likes to call him. i will be paying close attention to their chemistry.

la vida loca: no no! it's mostly the accent i think.

anon: disco's a he. in fact all the disco's have been male. even disco shanti. i dont think i could deal with a female virtual fish.

Anonymous said...

I think you have a nose for sniffing out gay men...they should install you in a designer-store-that-targets-gay-men and i bet their sales would be up...qn for the expert: does a straight man (married for 10 years and a ring-to-boot-that-and-what-not but abyssmally missing kids in the long-and-prosperous-marriage...oh for-the-expert, dude's a nurse who moved here from texas) give their number to other straight men and ask them to call if the straight man-2 wanna hang out?

does disco-7 have a last name...don't you think he needs one?

also, i know my opinion wasn't asked for but is it possible that at ninety the woman decided to come out of the closet ?(I am approaching D in my impropriety but pray couldn't help my curiosity)

VeenS said...

wonder if the office's A-Z would love to read this blog post.
i have been here quite a lot..and i say i m hooked to your blog and to your disco..btw the color of disco is better. i like it!

khal said...

is Renovatio high?

Bikerdude said...

Super lovely ma. 4-4 nice juicy posts and all!

PS: A 90 yr old woman approves of your wardrobe. Take the hint, woman, and lose those american diamond chappals and gold aunty bags immediately!!

Jack said...

New to your blog and must say its a verrry interesting one!!

Renovatio said...

You don't pay attention. I visited after a while, and so read a series of posts together. I'm not sure where you asked for desi tragedies, but when asked, I provide.

Twisted DNA said...

Ninety year olds linking your top and trying to get the same thing? I hope you are not wearing that top out again! :P

Your office is weird alright. You forgot to mention about this girl who keeps insisting that she lives in Denver! :P