Wednesday, December 19, 2007

How NOT to have a telephone conversation. Mother, are you listening?

Assume all people in India are deaf. YELL into the phone. If your daughter at the other end of the house cannot hear you, how can people so many continents away possibly hear you? Once you see said daughter with her hands over her ears you know you can be heard. Stick to this volume for the next forty five minutes.

Always ask what the local time is. Always inform person of time here. Calculate and discuss time difference in great detail. "Oh it's nine aa? Oh but tomorrow morning? Oho. Here it is still yesterday."

While talking to leetle childrens say "hello babba. how are you? haaa? haaa? hello? can you hear me? hello??? hello? paapa? kutti? baby? aah okay tata. now give phone to your mummmy" even if said child is
3 months old.

While talking to son who is about to leave to the US give unsolicited lengthy advice, about EVERYTHING!

"Go visit so and so person before leaving. Don't forget this aunty's neighbour's chitthi's ajji. Also Mariamma. She looked after you when you were small. Oh and make sure you visit all the doctors before coming. Especially the dentist. Get everything fixed. See, it is very expensive here. People fly back to India for root canal it seems. Yes yes really they do. It's that expensive. Don't laugh! I'm not joking. Best thing is to get all teeth removed and get off one denture. Maybe even two. That's what i did. Now see i have no problem. Who is that laughing in the back? Oh and check your email i have sent list of things to bring for me and list of things not to bring for you. You get everything here. Don't waste space in the suitcase. Your sister aa? She wants kaaju barfi from that what is that aa Tiwari brothers sweets it seems. Where aaa? Who knows? Oh near Commercial street it seems. Wait one minute. What Nonsense! Cricket magazines it seems! What for? Keep quiet. Haa? Nivea deodorant aa? No need. Aah thats all for her. Just bring sweets. Oh and your aunty wants one masala dabba. That round round stainless steel one. No no, its not too heavy. And your cousin has already sent list to you it seems but that one will ask for all unnecessary items, you know no? just bring whatever you want okay? And all my things. "


And the lady hasn't even started on her airport instructions yet. My poor poor brother!

21 comments:

shub said...

haa haa! No one does this kinda blogging better!

Pri said...

damn it! i can do tragedy.

Bikerdude said...

Bwaahahaha. Died laughing men.
Please don't do tragedy. Thattttonly will be tragedy. You follow? OK.

VeenS said...

burrr!! poor lil brother!

Dusty Fog said...

: )

koodal konday said...

what happened to disco?
why is he green?
has irbaz been touching him inappropriately?

karan " too big for my homer boots" assrani

Anonymous said...

to do a ba., you really don't need much genius.
but i love disco in all his avtars.

??! said...

you should youtube this. Make it a series. Will have thoouuuzzandds of fans.

The_Girl_From_Ipanema said...

ROFLMAO!

the best was "just bring whatever you want and all my things!"

The_Girl_From_Ipanema said...

i just emptied 5 cans-worth of fish food into genius disco's tank. if he's really genius he won't eat it, no?

La vida Loca said...

***Best thing is to get all teeth removed and get off one denture. Maybe even two.

I am horrified

rads said...

rofl! Pri - you are something else! :)

Preeth said...

lol. needed a laugh. got it. thanks.

Ambooj Tiwari said...

I strictly object to the use of my last name...if you didn't know we strictly deal with and in pan-shops/speak (its like a currency to us...like my comment is worth a million pans)...we have no business (or intentions, I hope) to get into sweet-vendoring...I suppose all Tiwaris of this world need an apology for such contemptuous distortion of our professional assignment!

Renovatio said...

Other than learning that one doesn't need to scream to be audible, one may also learn that one doesn't have to wait for spoken words to float across to the destination if either party is seated in Dubai. Those buggers show off so much with their curvy women, roads and whatnot, they even have instant word-travelling.

Kaus said...

Pri..you ROCK..and so does your Blog....I love your sense of humour though, I feel a tad sad for your GAY cousin, I hope he aint reading all this??

GO GURL GO..you ROCK....

khal said...

You do realize that's going to be you in about 20 years, don't you?

he he he he he.

Its fate girl, child is the father of man. (or in this case, mother of woman)

Sam said...

lolzzz.. really had me grinning!!! yet to face soemthing so sinister... but den every kid goes thru soemthing like this or a variation the moment they stepp outta home!! :)

Ambooj Tiwari said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jack said...

LOL!!!
Talking about telephone convos, what's reeelly irritating is when people call and ask "who's speaking??!". grrrrr

Art said...

Grandma picks up phone. Grandma dials number.
*ring*
Person: "Hello?"
Grandma:"Who are you?"

:)