Monday, April 23, 2007

Happy happy happy happy happy days are here again [refer song from phillum Om Jai Jagadish]

So I finally convinced Soupie to contribute [directly] to this blog. Put your hands together [or in this case above your shoulders] for our very first guest writer. It is technically her second piece though. Her first one of course was An Ode to the Flat Bouquet.

So we finally made the trip we'd been dreaming of since last summer. MB and I [Soupie] went into Southall. Now for those of you who have never heard of Southall, it's like a mini Delhi - full of Happy's [that's what we call Punjabi's] and Paki's [this isn't racist is it?] and other assorted species north of Karnataka. My dear Irish friend [MB] was very excited. She had been dreaming of samosas all of the previous night.

Who hooooooooooo bring on the Paapaji parade. I saw a happy in a car, blaring Hindi music/Punjabi rap wearing white shiny trousers with brown stripes teamed with an orange Lycra T with a black collar; turbaned head, skinny and arm full of hair. Ohhhhhh welcome jee welcome!

A jelebi seller on the road pointed out some popular restaurants to us. But of course we didn't need his advice... one look at me and "Aap Pakistan se hain na?" We did find a restaurant [Lahori Punjab] but the menu was inadequate for the two greedy souls. We ate like dinosaurs, ordered half the menu. It had been so long since i had said "Waiter one plate sheikh kebab, one plate paneer makhani". Ahhh I love ordering things in plates. Can you believe there was Ahem mugs and a bucket in the toilet? Walking around the area took me back to Commercial street's gallis. Mannequins cut out of cardboard draped in shiny material; happy's selling "latest bollywood hits", "10 panties for a £1"; happy aunties with their unhappy sons [gorgeous, I say gorgeous] carrying gigantic bags, dressed in tiiiiiiiiight kurta's; happy's in cars rolling down their tinted glasses to say "oy kudiye" [I insist this was all for the white minority I had tagging along with me] Bollywood dancing to different music on the streets, truck drivers ogling. Did I forget to mention we don't do this in India!

Post lunch we decided since we'd come so far we'd catch a Bollywood film. Southall Palace looks like a mini Gurudwara, bathed in pink and in-house happy's at the desk. Approvals from Irish friend for most Bollywood stars and insistence to watch the movie with "the Bride and Prejudice girl in it". [The same Irish also loves the shitty movie and enjoys singing along to "No life ..... without wife" among other things.] Paapaji saw us and suggested we see 'Provoked'. "Very
good fillum, especially for this London, go see, veeery good. Your friend will understand, Western issue. I asked the happy "umm is it like a happy film?" Paaji says "Arrey it's Western like fillum, just see."

So to kill time before the movie we decided to go for some Kingfisher. Only Southall is too much like India. The idiot made me ask some other Paapaji [owner of a fancy store] where the nearest pub was. He choked and was almost going to have a cardiac arrest when I asked him. We went into the nearest pub pointed out to us. Glassy Cheers boasted of fine tandoori and North Indian delicacies all day. We walk in and the whole pub turns toward us. Absolutely everyone in the fuckin place. We stood at the bar for 10 and this man comes up to us giggling "Actually maadum this pub, you know isn't open". Unknown to us we'd walked onto a film set. We then walked out with the whole cast laughing at us. The pub we did get into had people come and take turns staring at us. Umm apparently girls in Southall don't hang out in their local. Unless of course you want to be blacklisted on the Southall matrimonial columns.

Ohhh funny day. The theatre felt like we'd walked into someone's lounge. This lady walks in some 20 minutes into the movie. "MINNIE MINNIE, where are you? I cant see you." Another 20 minutes go by. "MINNIE MINNIE…." and some other random conversation. Oh and on her way out Minnie ki mummy stopped and spoke to her neighbours, friends, just you know the usual people you catch up with while you're at the bloody cinema. Grrrrr. Third time however was not so lucky, Minnie ki mummy shouts, Soupie: shhh, MB:shhh shhhhh, were trying to watch a film.. ,Minnie ki mummy: blah blah…. Soupie: Oh could you speak louder; I think we missed your last sentence!

Ahh but what a day. Unanimous Indo-Irish agreement. Nice boys, Punjabi/Paki I would. I tell you I sooooo would. And then we went back to our respective homes. Me back to my South East ghetto and MB back to the West, onion Baaji's and Jelebi's in our bags. Happy oh so happy! We'll do this again next April Haan JI!


Pri said...

Soupie i still cant get over the fact that you asked a happy if it was a happy movie.

soupie said...

@ Pre: you do know Im known for saying unintelligable things regularly. Heheee

Chinkles said...

wah ji wah what an appropriate title for a beauty blog!! sofitoo u can practise ur writing skills here i say :)hehhe and happy cat calling....too much! keep ut the good work oh sony kudiyee (htf do u spell'sonni/sony?)

Anonymous said...

wtf is that???
is there a word laddat??

Kotton Kavya
asst. prof of english
maharani college of arts and crafts and SUPW

yuvraaz sing said...

doesnt lola kutty remind you of priya? yes , she of the channel v fame

soupie said...

Unintelligable. Definately I'll put my life down on it. Go word it.
Miss IvePackedMyBagAndDisseaperedMane Touche!

Pri said...

soupie that is so not kb. it's an imposter, beware!

prof. kotton kavya said...

its spelt wrong
unintelligible is the actual spelling.
if u had taken english classes from letcherer Dr. ambareesh you wudnt have made this mistake

Drama Queen said...

You have been tagged!!

k.b. alias hallal paapanni said...

@ soupie.... i cannot believe that u didnt realise it was an imposter????

@ kotton kavya imposter.... yakke mannayalli hellilva??? finish agobidthya magaa. hushaar.. naan yaru antha ningeb innu gothilla.

Ashwin said...

we don't do this in India!


And.... hahaha... happy aunties with their unhappy sons That's hilarious.

So... soupie... are you a regular now?