Sunday, March 30, 2008

the woman who birthed gaysin and the annoyance she causes every weekend.

these are just some of the things she has said to us this weekend. currently we're looking at at least another five and a half hours of annoying aunty time.

seeing me up before noon on a sunday: "oho! how come you're awake so early today?"

um so as to ensure i don't miss something brilliant you might happen to say?

tugging at my hair: "your hair used to be sooooooo nice when you were small. so long and straight and shiny." now what the hell kind of response goes with that statement? considering also that the woman doing the commentary has sported a bandli cut for some two of the last three decades.

pointing at my brother: "your pants are too long. you shouldn't wear so long. you will trip and fall." now you and i and by now i'm sure even the neighbours know that the chances of brother falling flat on his face have less to do with the length of his pants and more to do with his part time love affair with narcotics. but annoying aunty from hell doesn't know that. and for good reason.

you must also know that she has had this terrible cough that has lasted forever. it's very terminally ill ninety year old patient. the coughing doesn't stop her continuous banter. she will talk through the worst cough and you can hear the phlegm in her mouth. as we speak she is describing the thickness of said phlegm.

"how come you'll didn't buy mangoes? we bought from the indian store last week. so nice it was. i always eat the seed and give gaysin the cheeks." nobody responded to that statement. i pretended to be fascinated with my cuticles and brother with his foil experiment.

referring to brother's red bull contest entry - "see i personally feel like there needs to be more red bull design on the truck. also you should add off license plate." now clearly brother has read the contest rules. also he's the one making the damn truck.

looking in my direction again: "so is your room still clean?" please to note she spontaneously cleaned it for me one weekend and now i can't find my w-2 form to file my taxes.

referring to my cousin's little kid: "so fat he is no? you saw the new photo she sent of him on the beach. my god. so fat!"

earlier today she was heard dissing oreo cookies. "i don't know why everyone here loves these oreo cookies so much. i don't see what is so great about them."

to anyone who will listen: "where you bought your kurta/boat/monkey?" you name it, she'll ask how much you paid for it. and tell you that it looks like it was made it india.

today she so graciously brought us a bag of squishy brownies. my theory is that she either dropped it on the floor and swept it back up or she left in on the couch and gaysin accidentally sat on it. "i brought it for you'll because if i take it home gaysin will eat it and he's getting too fat."

umm thanks? now go the eff away!


p.s. i don't even want to begin describing the sucking noises she makes after each meal. just know that it goes on for at least a half hour and is usually done in everyone's presence. while everyone else is trying to watch some tv annoying aunty from hell likes to vacuum her teeth. now what was that senator clinton saying about not being able to choose your own relatives? she's totally right that one. and before you ask of course i'm still an obama girl.

15 comments:

rads said...

hahaha :)

Man, Thank heavens she's your aunty and not mine.

Pls to blog more of said aunty and gaysin. Make that more gaysin and less aunty. :--))

Anonymous said...

did you really think i would never find out?

Bikerdude said...

Gaaahaha madness. Burp in her face or something tge next time. Or better still beat her with zirconium chappal,aking sure the zircon makes contact with offending tooth.

gaysin said...

why wuld you do that to me...??

i am so sad..i thought u are a nice gal..now u are insulting me and my mummy in ur blog...

i will write a blog and tell things abt u....

Indianoguy said...

I am rolling n falling while laughing, my co-workers think I've gone crazy

khal said...

I like the fact that gaysin actually uses the handle "gaysin".

Yeah baby lets get some dirt on Pri. ;)

La vida Loca said...

v v funny

Silvara said...

bwahahahaha...i can't believe i have missed out on so much!!!

But I very ungracefully snorted in laughter while reading this in the middle of training in the middle of a silent room which made lots of ppl look at me. LOL

Silvara said...

bwahahahaha...i can't believe i have missed out on so much!!!

But I very ungracefully snorted in laughter while reading this in the middle of training in the middle of a silent room which made lots of ppl look at me. LOL

Bikerdude said...

Yes silvara thank you for multiple comments on nasal catarrhs while reading prikuttys (truly) hilarious post. PS, why is your picture icon moving? Full scary it is. 'snort very nice you know.

Anonymous said...

pliss to be illustrating bandli cut! y dont u just borrow some of bro's dope and give to her for her phelgmy cough...wah! what a post that would make..hehehe
pri

TS said...

Sounds just like my aunts.

Yuppie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Yuppie said...

Hi Pri,
I would like you to introduce me to your cousin, whom you refer to as 'gaysin'. you see I am also into all this stuff. I think we would make a great pair with his teddy bear collection and my pussy cat collection. We could keep arranging them forever and forever. Think of the fun. I am already drooling at this. How tall is he ? How old is he ?? I would like to know more about him. I would really appreciate you helping us. Also do you know which role he would like. I am ok with anything. Just curious to know. I am so happy !! Plz plz help us get together. I am sure it would be a fairy tale ending with the happily ever after things...


Fort Collins Guy

narendra shenoy said...

Enjoyed! I knew an old aunt like that. Made the pilgrimage to her house out of the noblest of intentions and she gives me this plateful of mold covered barfi which I eat out of a sense of noblesse oblige, and then she tells me "Good you came, beta, I was going to give this barfi to the sweeper tomorrow morning"