Our boy obviously never heard of the Shetty/Gere controversy.

For someone who reads PerezHilton religiously [because well celebrity gossip is the best kind of gossip] i don't know how i managed to miss this. Luckily Brittany had emailed me the pictures even before i got to work.




Now unless you've been living under a rock [or you're K.G] you'd know this is Bipasha Basu and queer [Perez thinks] soccer dude Ronaldo.
I still think John is way hotter!


p.s. Read some of the comments on that page if you're bored. Ignorant/racist/celebrity obsessed people can be wonderfully entertaining.

Happy Birthday DADA!

HIMESH - India's Srk/James Bond/Rajinikanth

This review is obviously NOT the work of a professional but who gives a fuck considering neither is the movie. I do apologise for the typos and the lack of fully formed sentences.

part 1 of illegal online video

scene 1: car crash, white girl dead,

raj babbar is screaming meri betiiiiiiiii

scene 2: himesh descends from a helicopter, mutters some shahrukh khan dialogue about "har insaan kabhi na kabhi kisi na kisi insaan ya jaanvar se pyaar kiya hain"

song with background dancers wearing creepy costumes borrowed from

The DaVinci code

himesh in concert, shows lots of cleavage,
crowd cheers
police arrests himesh outside the concert hall : "himesh reshammmiya u r under arrest for the murder of white girl"
HR: what nonsense
HR: it is a lieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

12 yr old girl with red rose [apparently a fan] standing outside cries as HR is taken away.

end scene

part 2 of illegal online video:

German newsreader who looks exactly like dead white girl informs world of the arrest of Indian superstar HR

flashback..................

enter mallika sherawat in a towel
puts on mascara on top and bottom eyelashes with the same brush. DO NOT ATTEMPT THIS AT HOME.....unless u want to look like a hooker

HR and his boy toy [hatrick roshan lookalike from Kyunki saas] are driving somewhere. boy toy makes joke about himesh and his nasal singing followed by nasal laughter. unfortunately car does not crash.

HR and boy toy are now seated in some person's house. they're served tea by another white girl who looks exactly like dead white girl/news reader.

enter mallika

at this point i decide to take a small nap

i wake up just as himesh is saving a desi girl from a burglar

later on his couch HR starts singing what has got to be the worst rendition of the Gayatri Mantra one has ever heard [with guitar]

Where is the Shiv Sena when u need them?

i fall asleep again for a bit so im not sure wtf happens

i wake up to see boy toy kissing himesh

himesh then bumps into a kid with a hole in her heart [but who's joyous and bubbly nonetheless as all children with deadly diseases in Hindi movies are] This also happens to be the same paapi gudiya with the gulabi hoova in a previous scene.

HR kills another song. this time its 'darde dil darde jigar'

scene 24567: HR is on a date with random girl.

random girl: "HR mein aapse ek sawaal puchna chahtihu. why dont u ever smile?"

HR: mein aapse kuch nahi chupaunga. mere ek bade bhai the. he was my everything, he was my world. then ek din achaanak BRAIN HEMORRHAGE. [im not making this up]

Girl then falls for HR and tells her father.

Father: "riyaaaaaaaa mein tumhe kaise samjhaao, woh tumhe pyaar nahin karte,at best you'll be his flavour of the month"

mallika then tries to seduce himesh but he tells her he loves wats her face.

then HR meets a bald man in a cemetary. bald man tries to buy him. HR refuses. he says something about only working with the people who helped him before he became a superstar.

every scene in the movie has a point to make about HR.

eg: HR kabhi sharaab nahin peeta

HR kabhi vaada nahin todta
HR only likes girls in salwar kameez [and when they're wearing modern kapde he imagines them in salwar kameez]
HR India ka naam bahut roshan karta hain

girl is taken to india to be married to someone who's not HR. her aakhri nishaani of HR is her ringtone. its HR's rendition of you guessed it ... the GAYATRI MANTRA

HR calls her and professes his love for her. girl cries. father takes away her cellphone,

then HR gate crashes girl's engagement party. decides while he's there he will sing another song. it works. riya ke pitaaji agrees to the rishta

boytoy wants HR to drink daroo on this joyous occasion that is his spontaneous engagement but our good boy HR doesnt drink... oh but when boytoy says mere kasam yaar he has to ... dosti ke khaatir

then HR is drunk

more singing follows

an orgasmic scream is heard

white girl is dead

end of flashback

Back to the present and we're live in GERMANY

It's all over the news: HR is a murderer

riya's dad "dekho, maine kahan na, dekho kitni aiyaashi nikala. dekho riya rahul tumhaara bachpan kaa saathi sab kuch jaante hue bhi tumse shaadi karna chahta hain" OF COURSE THERE'S A RAHUL IN THIS STORY. There's a RAHUL in every story.

meanwhile HR has escaped from Jail because its really easy to escape from jail when u sing like that. moo kholo sab log behosh you're out.
Riya also escapes from her father's house and runs into the arms of HR who is waiting for her at the exact moment and exact location that they NEVER DECIDED BEFOREHAND.

riya : HR mein jaanti thi ke tum beguna ho

[mein yeh bhi jaanti thi ke tum besuraa ho]

mujhe yaha se le chalo.

HR inspired by SRK again says something about not marrying without father's permission and escorts her back home to daddy. Daddy greets beti with a resounding thappad.

HR then repeats his dialogue: aap ke permission ke bina mein aapke beti se shaadi nahin karunga. he gives himself blank number of hours until the wedding to prove his innocence. [blank number of hours because in Hindi i can count only upto where Madhuri Dixit taught me in that Tezaab song. after that she goes gin gin gin gin and i'm lost.]

Investigation begins. HR, boy toy and Bani [from MTV roadies who's in the film by the by. Boy toy found her at some party]

They think either Khurana [the same bald man from the kabristaan] or Mallika could be framing HR. HR eliminates mallika because he has a GUT feeling it isnt her.

so Mallika is then asked to help find evidence. the happy foursome are now trying to get into khuraana's safe. HR breaks the code to the safe by typing in random numbers which when pressed make a lovely tune. HR's tune of course. safe opens. Just as he is about to reach into it to get the evidence Mallika yells "rokoooo, here use this so u dont get fingerprints on it" and she hands him her scarf thereby revealing more boobage. HR then removes the evidence which happens to be a gun.

Just then mottai calls HR and informs him that he has kidnapped riya and to kindly meet him in the middle of nowhere to exchange the gun for the one.
they meet. the exchange takes place and HR's bitch is returned izzat intact.

they cleavage hug until the cops come. HR is then being taken to jail when the all indian association of auto drivers show up in GERMANY and fight the cops while HR escapes.

The cops chase HR and HR's car rolls over multiple times but HR escapes unhurt. his cap even doesnt come off.

CLIMAX SCENE: kabristan man and HR are fighting in the middle of the road with the cops and the paparazzi in the vicinity. HR gets kabristan man to confess to the murder of white girl and he records all of this on .......wait for it...........the transistor he stole frm the cop car, This is then magically transformed into audio video format and is transmitted all across GERMANY. girl's father who happens to be watching tv in the middle of his daughter's pheres hears the news and stops the wedding.

HR celebrates by romancing Mallika who dances to mehBOOBa mehBOOBa.
Teh credits roll, i have a massive headache, maybe even a brain hemorrhage.

THE END.

I'm off to go grace this wunderphul event with my presence y'all

I get to go to my first American wedding tomorrow. My cousin’s wedding didn’t count because it was a circus, a very tish circus but a circus nonetheless. I think mother is more excited than I am about going. Back home she was used to attending a minimum of one wedding and one funeral per week and to her disappointment she hasn’t been invited to a single wedding since she’s been here and no one fun has died in the recent past. She is very concerned that I haven’t picked out a gift or an outfit to wear yet. I figure ill be overdressed whatever Indian outfit I pick so ill just iron [if I have the time] the least dressy one and I should be set.

Anyway that is the least of my problems. You see I’ve never bought someone a wedding present before. It’s a very grown up thing to do no? Ooh I forgot to mention its dull girl C’s wedding …yes this is the same wedding she’s been planning for the last two years, the same wedding I was forced into helping plan…right from the bridesmaids' gowns to the food to the location to her hideous dress to the song she was going to sing … that idea has since been scrapped. Instead of singing at her own wedding [who does that???] she is going to record her own rendition of some lame romantic songs on a CD and have it play as background music. Heeeeeee so back to the wedding present – I hear she’s registered at a bunch of boring places. Crate & Barrel and some other exciting domestic item store which I know if I walk into I will be lost and besides I just can’t see myself buying someone silverware or even worse a blender. So this is my big plan. I’m going to stop by at Dillard’s tonight and see if they still have those gorgeous 450 thread count Ralf Lauren sheets. Who wouldn’t like fresh linen right? Maybe they can manaao their suhaag raat on it …or not.

So as you’ve figured out by now mother is my date to the event. Don’t laugh! Brittany wanted me to take her as my special guest instead and surprise C who happens to detest Britt and has therefore not invited her. It would have been pretty fun actually but I’m not that cruel and like I said mother is very excited. Alright I have to go practice my ‘OMG I’m so happy for you and what’s his face and I wish the two of you the most wonderful wedded bliss ever’ face.

I learn American

So im wasting time at work today reading this website when I come across this cartoon.

So i ask Gabby what a ‘bong’ is and apparently it's not a Bengali. I was informed that it is in fact a pot smoking device; kind of like a hookah but not really.

Then Corey very kindly drew me a little diagram so that i could understand better.


I also learnt that it’s not okay to wish people “Happy Independence day” for tomorrow. They look at you kind of strange. The correct greeting is “Happy fourth”.

A wonderful movie called 'Evening' - and the mountain i made of it.

I just got back from watching 'Evening'. I knew this movie would be lovely. I just didn't realise it was going to be this lovely. I left the hall feeling moved and even somewhat wiser. Is it possible to mature a little during the course of a two hour movie? In case you were wondering the movie is about life and decisions and knowing what you want and not knowing and never being sure and about regrets and bad decisions and the future and the past and love and friendship and infatuation and desperation and happiness and sadness. But mostly its about moments. Special random strange moments that make a person's life what it is.

I found myself feeling for these people, for their lives and this is very odd but i always feel this way when i watch a really good movie or TV show. I relate to various people and i feel their pain. Sometimes i envy them. I used the word odd because in real life i could care less. I'm one of the most cold hearted people I've known. I'm fabulous at being cold and emotionless. I watch other people make their mistakes and i roll my eyes. I'm too smart to make those same mistakes i think. But then one part of me realises I'm just too cowardly to let things happen to me. I play it safe. My safe is a lot different from other people's safe but its still safe. I want all of these things but I'm too busy being me and in the process i think i might miss out on a lot of these things and these moments. I don't want a life of regrets like all the people i see around me but i don't want to regret not even trying. I surprise myself with my strength sometimes and at other times i feel like this isn't strength. Its just me being me and conveniently pushing things to the back of my head where i don't have to think about them anymore. I want to be hopeful but i don't want to be unrealistic. I don't want to be cynical but i cant help being that way. Sometimes i feel like I'm thinking about things way too early. I should be happy and giggly and willing to take risks now and i should leave the contemplation and regret for later...like when I'm forty or something. I don't know what i want. I know some of the things i don't want and you'd think that would make it easier. But sometimes i start questioning why i don't want certain things and then i start to rethink it and it only gets messier.

You think i might need to visit the loony bin sometime soon? I mean i watch a bloody movie and now I'm a professor of philosophy apparently.

See this is why i love WHAT THE BUCK.

p.s. So I thought i liked the title track of Jhoom Barabar Jhoom. I even made RBR illegally download it for me but then i watched the movie and the song would burst onto the screen everytime one of the characters said "Innit" which was about forty billion times and now im offically over it.

Gabby speaks

I finally got Miss Gabriella to write a post for my blog. She has been learning lots of fun things about India and Desis recently so here's her take.

I am honored to be the guest blogger today for Miss Priya, my Hindi Friendi. OK, so I know that was a ridiculous statement, but I have been wanting to say that ever since I was given the homework of writing this blog. So my name is Gabby and I was the devil on Priya’s shoulders when she was contemplating getting a laptop just the other night. I was also her camera wielding buddy at the Gay pride parade last weekend. I have been awarded this privilege of writing a blog merely because I have learned so much from my new friend who urged me to write about my experiences and thoughts on India. So last night I was overwhelmed with the idea of writing a blog (my first, my only!) so I started like I did in high school and wrote an outline with little sub headings.

First impressions: My first impression of Priya was that she was rude and ignored me. No seriously, she did it on purpose too! I later found out that she was intentionally testing me, because she needed a new person to hate at her job (if you have been reading this blog long enough I am sure you have heard of Dull girl C) and all the hate-ees had left.

Food: I have been eating Indian food ever since I can remember. The first actual time I remember being at an Indian food restaurant (Taj Palace) was when I was still a little kid. Mind you, it's kinda odd for a kid in Texas to be eating Indian food in the first place. So I remember my youngest sister walking back to the table with a big bowl of what she thought was soup, and we later found out it was some sort of salad dressing/chutney. When I moved to Denver earlier this year, I was so hard up for some Indian food (it was snowing and I couldn’t leave the house-plus I didn’t know a place to go or how to get there!) that I had to cook it myself. Not knowing the first thing about cooking Indian food, but being fully equipped with a griddle for pancakes, a frying pan and a couple pots, I assumed I could pull it off. The Butter Chicken (ha!) tasted like rubbery chicken with yogurt and tomato puree. I tried to make Naan and put it on my griddle, and they were more like fat pancakes. So when I finally got Priya to like me, we decided to go to an Indian food place that she liked (called Taj II) It was sooo good! It’s funny how all the Indian Food places here are called either Taj or Bombay something. I asked her a million questions about her family and “her people” and laughed about the more traditional Indians and their ideas. The fact that a normal marriage is actually called a “love marriage” ha! Its all so foreign to me, but really interesting.

In the next couple of weeks, Priya and I got really close (I thought so at least) and we really talked a lot and I came to appreciate her a lot. To her it was nice that I knew what Saag Paneer was, and how to make Garam Masala, so we could chat about all types of good food and in turn make us both very hungry! Hungry enough to order food from a not-good place (located on Hooker Street!) that makes Chicken Makhani with the leftover dried up Tandoori chicken.

Another buffet experience included me driving 20 minutes trying to find the Taj by myself because I was really craving some Indian food! Assuming they opened at 10:30 am I left the house early enough for me to get there right when the buffet was fresh. When I arrived the workers were packing a van for a catered event, but the owner saw me drive up, park and look at the opening hours. I was a half an hour early!! But he nicely left the door open for me to come in and waved me in. It was quiet, I was the only customer in the room and the music hadn’t even been turned on yet. The buffet was all ready, so I got a plate and started eating. The waiters would casually walk by and look at the weird white girl who had polished off two plates of buffet food, and my waiter kept bringing me more fresh naan (probably thinking, good god how much more can this skinny bird eat??)

Indian Music: I really needed to know what this awesome Indian-ish sounding song was. I had heard it on MTV many times before, and the best way I could describe it was that it sounded like “dwing-da-dingda-dwing-da-dinga- dwing-da-dingda-dwing-da-dinga- womee backa lisha combey neyah backalar souptey camba shista camba linga anga lar, push it cadelay, holy holy holy holy backalaaar” I eventually found out that the song was from a state called Punjab, and the song was in Punjabi. Priya says its called “Mundeya Tu Bach Ke Rahi” and she gave me a CD with that song on it, I just put the song on repeat and played it over and over driving in my car like a white-Indian rapperette.

Geography: One day we were discussing word pronunciations (such as Rupees-which I thought were pronounced Droopies for some reason) I pulled up a map of India online and she showed me where she was from (Bangalore) and where her friend was from (Bhuwaneshwar) and where the party city was (Goa) and where the awesome music was from (Punjab) and where her father’s family was from (Tamil Nadu) All these un-pronounceable words were baffling me. We worked on my pronunciation. Luckily for her, I am from a state where there are lots of Mexicans so I could correctly roll my R’s. I told her that if I were from India, I would like to come from either Tamil Nadu or Punjab, but I hastily added that instead of either of those that I would be from Goa. No hard feelings when you’re from a party state.

Indian guys: So I’ve been trying to figure out exactly what kind of guys Priya considers hot and this one day I saw this guy who looked either Black or Mexican walk in. He was really hot, and when he was leaving Priya asked me what ethnicity I thought he was. So I responded something to that effect (MexiBlack), and she told me I was wrong, he was Indian!! Wow, he was a hot Indian guy! So I started looking for hot Indian guys. I wasn’t getting a lot of help from Priya, so I just googled “Hot Indian Model” which then turned up a plethora of porn sites with hot Indian girls! Ugh. So I then typed in “Indian Male Model” and found this page. We cracked up as we skimmed the pages and pages of male models ( I have taken a particular fondness to the man on the first page with eye liner as well as all of page 14 - hint: look for the deer-in-the-headlights look) She later told me that most of the models on there were just wanting to be Bollywood stars…What, no male models make it in India as supermodels?

Fun videos: Priya showed me the funniest YouTube video ever! She describes it as a Desi version of the car show Top Gear. You must watch it. The husband is my favorite part. Especially when he says “ Hat!” and the wife has to wait for him to go first. Also everytime he said "Aaho" i would crack up. And the turban on his head looks like it has been bandaged on.

Indian clothes: I saw Priya wearing a long tunic thing one day and it looked really comfortable. I asked what it was - a kurta. I wanted one, it seemed like the perfect thing to have when you have nothing to wear, or if you feel like you look terrible one day, just cover it all up with a kurta! She gave me the names of places to look online, but naturally I had to look on eBay….Needless to say it didn’t go so well on eBay. Sure they had kurtas for 99 cents, but the material looked terrible, and the designs were not so hot. I am still looking… I feel like I am going to look like the weird hippie white girl trying to wear Indian clothing! I might have to permanently pass on getting a kurta. She also taught me the difference between a kurta and a kutta and now I think I’m going to name my next dog that. I think it would sound cute. “Come here kutta.” She also taught me how to say benchod which she thinks sounds Chinese when I say it. I asked her if I needed to spit when I said it and I was told that I didn’t. :(

Smart Indians: Whenever the computer is being funny, I always ask Priya to help. When I need help with my math, I ask Priya. Sure, we learned early on (by way of the media and our parents) that Indian kids were much better educated than we were and it’s kinda embarrassing but I probably think even Priya’s mum knows more about American History than us American kids!

So I truly hope you've enjoyed this guest blog from my fantastic self. I have learned many more things from Priya that are very interesting that I cant even fit in here. I’m gonna miss that betch when she’s gone.

Driving in the rain

Certain moments from my life stand out more than others and every now and then i end up with these flashbacks that happen far more often than i think are necessary. One such flashback is of me driving in the rain listening to this one particular song on the radio. This was when Radio city was new and mostly commercial free. It was study holiday time which meant i ate, slept, watched TV and altered my study schedule [read: postponed everything as much as i could] every day. This incident must have happened a little closer to exam time because i had officially completed studying all the material listed under the syllabus for this one particular subject. As you can imagine i was overjoyed and so i decided to celebrate. I took my dads car out for a drive. It was raining and I've always loved driving in the rain and it helps that my Bangalore looks especially beautiful in the rain. So as i was driving this song starts playing on the radio and of course I'm overjoyed because for one i love the song and it was so perfect for that moment. The feeling of having completed something important combined with the smell of the rain, that song and just being by myself was so incredible that i remember it so clearly even now. Later that night someone broke in and stole the music system from the car so technically that moment was also the last time i listened to music in the car. My dad didn't think it was worth buying a new system for the car and so for the next few months until he bought the new car we had no music. It was terrible.

I still really enjoy driving to music mostly because I'm by myself and i can sing as loud as i want to. I drive a half hour everyday to and from work and i really enjoy this time...when its not snowing that is. Even when it is and the roads are icy i turn up the volume and sing along and it really helps me calm down and focus. I get happy or sad or motivated or energized or patriotic or reminiscent or emotional or giggly depending on the type of song that's playing.

Rain songs especially get me in a weird mood ... weird but nice weird. This is another one of my favourite songs. Its not even raining in the video, well i guess it is raining money. Its an ancient song and the threesome in the video are not very pleasant to look at but if you close your eyes the music is very pretty. Other favourite songs about the rain or in the rain are - Kaava kaava from Monsoon wedding which i cant find anywhere for some reason, Saawariya re taras dikhaaon and Katein naahin raat by Ustad Sultan Khan and this beautiful song which plays for some 10 seconds in Guru.

I'm so making this an annual event!

So my sulking finally paid off and Brittany and Gabby agreed to take me to go see the pride parade. Only Britt was having a slight problem with her um health so she wasn't sure if she could come. But nothing was going to stop us. We were determined to go to this event and so on a Sunday when i normally crawl out of bed in the middle of the afternoon i was dressed and ready to leave the house at 8:45 am. I told mother i was going to a picnic. Now we all know mother already thinks i might be a lesbian so i figured why confuse her some more. Plus i should've really been going to church so telling her i was going to the Gay pride parade instead would've been a little much for her to handle.

So off we went, two little girls with no sense of direction calling Britt every five minutes for assistance. "Take a left on the exit i told you and follow the detours until you see gay people" she said and so we did just that. We spotted our first gay boy at the parking ticket machine. It wouldn't take his money and he was very upset. Giggly but upset in a bright red shirt with lots of glitter on it. He was with three other women but he seemed to really like Gabby and me ... more than his three friends, Gabby thought. He made small talk with us, handed his friend some lip gloss and rubbed his hands together nervously until the machine finally gave him his parking ticket. We walked towards the tents and then ran the last mile when we heard the parade. For the next hour we stood in the hot sun cheering, giggling and taking lots of pictures.

During the next hour we saw:

This guy who was standing right behind us on roller skates. He would shake his neck uncontrollably every time the music played.

The Leetle pink fairy.

This super fierce boy. Gabby yelled FABULOUS as he strutted his stuff looking very pleased with himself.

Then there was this fabulous lady

We also spotted the hot gay boy section. We put our cameras down and just stared. Gabby also claims she saw a boy with three nipples. Sadly I cannot confirm this. We also saw this one boy in tight leather pants who was catwalking all over the place like it was his very own runway show.

Then there was this colourful group. I couldnt pick a favourite here.

We also spotted three different people with ankle bracelets. I guess when its time to represent its time to represent! Who gives a shit about jail?

Ooh and the free stuff. We got free condoms [that we're handing over to Corey], a lesbian music CD [anyone interested?] and some lubricant. No candy :(

At one point we got hungry and we had only 12 coupons left between the two of us which was enough to buy only one exotic sandwich. Then we looked around for some shade and sat down under a tree. I almost sat on this one girl with lots of underarm hair [or so Gabby claims] anyway said girl didn't seem too concerned. Her partner however kept glaring at Gabby. We think she might have overheard the underarm comment. It was only as we were walking towards the car when Gabby asked me if i had realised where we were sitting. "It was the lesbian corner you idiot." I don't know how i had missed that earlier but thinking about it now i realise there were absolutely no men around. They probably thought we were a couple too ... sharing one sandwich and all.

Other fun sightings

We saw this one lady we knew who chose to ignore us even though we were standing like two feet away from her. Bitch! We think this was because she was there with some other lady and not her partner.

Fun tee shirt on one boy that read "I like girls...who like girls"
and another one that said "Heterophobic" and then there was this adorable car

Desi Sightings

I spotted a gay Desi couple. I was so proud! One half of the couple was even hot. Also one Desi auntyjee in a white salwar and tennis shoes had a stall set up and was selling some ugly bandhini clothes. We also saw this random desi dude trying to cross the road right in the middle of the parade. Gabby pointed him out to me excitedly and it was so funny because he just looked completely misplaced. We concluded that he was just passing through or was lost. Anyway I had THE most fabulous time ever and to think i thought Denver was boring!

p.s. Gabby took lots more awesome pictures, even one of two boys mock humping and one tall dude in glittery underwear. I cannot put those up here because this is a PG - 17 blog. Email me if you really want to see. Yes Karen, rbr, irbaz i'll email you the pictures. You dont need to ask.

Nothing makes me happier than a super fun filmy song.

Songs that make me instantly happy and by instantly happy i mean jump up and dance inappropriately happy:

Maurya Maurya - Don

Tenu leke mein jaavanga - Salaam e ishq

Aaja Nachle - Delhi Heights

Dhadak dhadak - Bunty aur Bubly

Chunari chunari - Biwi number one [Put Rahul idiot from Monsoon Wedding in it and i like even more]

Beedi - Omkara

Namak - Omkara [with all the hype over 'Beedi' people ignored the brilliance of this song]

Dil mein baji guitar - Apna sapna money money

Balle balle - from that awful movie 'Bride & Prejudice'

Ande ka funda - Jodi no 1 [has a Srilankan Baila vibe to it]

The flute song - Remo Fernandez [Its available on Raaga.com. Search for it. Totally worth it]

Hawa hawa [the remix version] - available on Raaga.com [album - Solid hits 2]

Hamma hamma - Bombay [I'm biased to the Tamil version]

Aika dajeeba - Vaishali Samant [super fun video too]

And then there's this one. Maybe i was Maharashtrian in my last life.

This list only contains the songs that make me instantly happy AND that are danceable to.

Coming soon - a list of songs that make me instantly happy that i cant dance to ... without looking ridiculous that is.

I love that we live in an age where some random song can pop into your head and you can do a quick search and be listening to it in less than 2 minutes.

So what songs make you happy? Tell me the filmy ones.

Quiet time

I will henceforth NOT be communicating with either Miss Gabby or Miss/Mr. Brittany. The bitches were supposed to take me to go see the Gay Pride Parade this Sunday and now they have changed their minds. A HEAT issue supposedly. I have been looking forward to this cultural event for weeks. I was planning on taking lots of fun pictures and making lots of fun observations and then blogging about it and now I can’t. Soupie thinks I should go by myself but it would be rather sad for a straight girl to show up at the Gay pride parade all ALONE with no friends - straight or gay.

edited @ 11:26 pm:

Some interesting rules and regulations i found on the parade website:

Cross-dressing is a significant part of our heritage. Both serious and comic male and female impersonations are welcome in the parade, providing that such presentations adhere to all rules governing parade dress codes. The Committee reminds all participants that all costumes and other apparel worn in the PrideFest Parade must comply with the Obscenity Statues of the State of Colorado and the Public Decency Ordinances of the City and County of Denver. [Damn it! Hooker heels are still okay though right?]

No participant may use profanity, obscene gestures, or other improper conduct towards another participant, Committee member, parade official or spectator of the parade.

[Wahat? Why?]

PrideFest Parade participants are required to stay in their designated order. No "jumping" or crowding of other entrants will be allowed. Retaliation for discourteous or insulting gestures, name-calling or heckling only brings further abuse.

[No jumping or heckling? What is this communion time at church?]

ITEM DISTRIBUTION DURING THE PARADE:

No participant may throw any item from any float or other unit in the parade. THIS INCLUDES BEACH BALLS [?], WATER PROPELLED FROM SQUIRT GUNS [nooooooooooooooo] AND OTHER DEVICES.

[What about water balloons? Are those allowed?]

In the event that an entry wishes to make any distribution [Free stuff? Awesome!] of an item such as beads, flowers, condoms, or similar items, such distribution must be made in person by persons walking along the parade as part of an officially registered entry.

[Right so if one were to walk over and gently place a condom in the hands of a passerby whilst garlanding them with a fun beaded necklace that would be totally okay?]

No sexually explicit material may be distributed by any participant in the parade.

[So no 'Boys gone wild' videos?]

No confetti, streamers, or other types of materials, including glitter, may be thrown or distributed by any parade entry.

[You have got to be kidding me! A glitter-less gay parade?]

In spite of all the "rules" i can imagine how much fun this would have been. Damn you Brittany & Gabby. I cant believe I'm going to miss this because of you two.

You suck!

The Next Sanjaya Malakar???

Um first of all WTF?

Personally i think its an act. Who says "I am perrfaarming on the Ballywood movie like eh dancing .... i can vin yif yeveryone loww my dence" ?

For the two people reading this who haven't seen it ... Here's the original.

The Bengalooru Slonguaze Dictionary

You can also read this here.

So you've just moved to Bengluru. You love the city, the weather, the food and the people who seem really friendly but for some reason you constantly feel like you're being talked about. Just the other day you heard your building watchman mutter "nim ajji" even as he agreed to run down to the Iyengar bakery to get you some fresh tutti fruity bread. Now you're determined to learn some local lingo, some Kanglish street slang to prevent yourself from looking completely stupid. Look no further I say! For here is a yo man service rendered unto the kanglish slanguage, compiled by Vidushi PriKutty [um who would be me] Bykaradoddanna and Kasyaapagowdru.

I have to state here that my contribution to this post was the idea and like 2 words. Bykaradoddanna and his jigri dost the very learned Kasyaapagowdru did the rest on an excel spreadsheet and all. We present to you:

The Bengalooru Slonguaze Dictionary
A compilation of the latest slang words in the Kanglish language for daily use.

Aa? : Universal question tag. (is it? are they? was she? shall we? etc.) Often mistaken by non - south indians as mispronunciation. When an auto driver asks you "Leftaa?" he means "Left, is it?" Variation: "na?" used when the last sound in the question is a vowel. "Koramangala na?"

Adu bere : That also. (That was all I needed). "Adu bere kedu"

AJM: (Short for Akkan Jusht Missu) 1. Minor disappointment 2. Narrow escape. "Aye ticket siktheno?" "Illa lo, AJM agoythu." Do not use in polite company!

Bekitha : Was this required? A sort of "I told you so". "Boss, idu bekitha antha."

Bombat : Fantastic, excellent. "Aye hows your car doing?" "Oh bombattagide kanla."

Boss : Term of address. Used to call friends, auto drivers, waiters, conductors etc. Should not be used much aside from among friends. "Boss, one gobi manchuri dry."

Budding: Short for Brigade road Up and Down. bangalore's most popular pastime. (Also Mudding - MG road Up and Down)

Byawarsi : Lit: heirless. Useless, vagabond, ne'er do well. "Aye thoo byawarsi, sumne iro"

Chindi : Lit : Torn piece of cloth. Fantastic, fabulous

Chitranna : Lit: flavoured rice. (1) Fantastic job (2)Broken to bits (3) Badly botched job. "Sariyag madthini anth helbittu full chitranna maad haakidaane nodri."

Da : Term of address for friends, inferiors or younger people (borrowed from tamil). Rude when used in a non affectionate sense or with strangers. Fem: di. "What da, where y'all went yesterday?"

Deal : Nefarious activity. "Yeno deal maadthaane maga"

Escape : General departure. "Naan oota maadbit escape aagtheno, don't mind aitha?"

Free kotre phenoylu kudithaane : Lit: If its free, he'll even drink phenoyl. Curmudgeon, compulsively economical person.

Goobe : Lit: Owl. Stupid person. "Lei goobe, yaar ninge license kottiddu?"

Goodhlu : Scam. "India nalli education fullu goodhlu boss."

Gumpal Govinda : Lit: Govind in the group. To blend into the crowd. "I have gone gumpal govinda to see movie"

Guru : Lit: teacher. Also used jokingly to call a friend. "Yen guru, aaraam aa?"

Gubbal : Dumbass "Loose nan maga gubbal thara aadbeda lei."

Hawa : Lit: Air. To scare someone. "Full hawa itbitte aa loafer ge innond sali illige barodilla"

Hengythe myge? : Lit: How does your body feel now? i.e, Im going to beat you black and blue. "Yendande? Dhuddilvaa? Yengythe myge?"

Hinde inda Urvashi, munde inda Bevarsi : Looks like the celestial nymph Urvashi from the back but a vagabond from the front.

Jai : With enthusiasm. "Naan jai antha hog koothkonde alli". "I went off to college jai antha"

Kachko : Get stuck. "Sorry maga naan traffic nal kachkondiddene"

Kanjipinji : Meretricious object/activity. "Why you're making so much fuss for one kanjipinji job boss"

Kui : To lie, to bore. "Kui beda maga."

Loafer : Vagabond, flibbertygibbet. "Thoo loafer, get out I say."

Macha(tam) : Lit: Brother in law. Used commonly among friends, though not in polite society. "What da machaaa, not coming uh?"

Maga : Lit: son. Dude. "yeno magaa, yellidde isht divsaa?"

Mane haaLu : Lit: Ruiner of a household. Use to describe expensive things, and people who don’t act in your good interests. "Mane haaL maadbeda", "Aiyo mane haaLa, ningen bantho roga"

Maneyalli hel bandya? : Used for reckless drivers Lit: Did you tell the people at home? (ie, have you informed your family that they have to make arrangements for your funeral?)

Meter : Gumption/cheek. "Yeno, eshto ning meteru?"

Mishtik : Lit: Mistake. Used for errors, leave, illnesses, sudden departures, misunderstandings, deletions, etc. "Yeno nenne officege mishtik aa?" "Haudo, nenne mai mishtik aagithu. Yake, manager yenadru andra?" "Yenantharappa avaru. Full mishtik aagbittu solpa hothu kirchaadidru. Aamele full scope itkond ondu dodda mail kalsidru. Adhara bagge yaak sumne thale mishtik maadskobeku antha odhdhe mishtik maadbitte." "Thoo manager emails na yaako mishtik maadthya? Adhe neen maado dodda mishtikku. Eega avaru nin mele mishtik aagthaare. Matte neen mishtik maadkolthya. Full situationey mishtik aagoguththe."

Naayi Paadu : Lit: Dog's work. "Nanage yaake ee naayi paadu?"

Nan maga : Lit: My son (ie son of). Usually used in conjunction with some other word. "Thoo, waste nan maga he is". Not a polite phrase at all. Has complicated undertones. Use only among close friends.

Nimmajji : Lit: Your grandmother. Another phrase that has hidden meanings. Do not use in polite society.

Off : Transliteration from the kannada "bidu" : "I came off quickly" (Naan bega band bitte). "I sat off there only." (Naan alle koothkond bitte)

Oh what a. : General exclamation. "You won lottery aa? Oh what a!"

Ooshtu : Prob from the english Oust. Exhausted. "4 ghante basket baal aadbit full ooshtaagbitte."

Osi jeevana Janma pavana : Pile on (Lit: Free life, happy existence).

Pigaru : Figure. (girl) "Machaa, aa piagar nodo!"

Pitilu : Lit: Fiddle (violin). Braggart. "Avan bidu. Bejaan pitil aadthirthaane."

Saavu : Lit: Death. Terrible or Awesome as per context. "Boss that movie was saavu only"

Scopu : Yap/boast "Lei, sum sumne scope thagobeda"

Simp-simply : Translated from the kannada sum-sumne. For no reason at all. "Aye don’t simp-simply come and dishtrub me I say."

Sisyaa : Lit: Student. Patronizing term of address to a friend. "Sisya, ba illi, koothko."

Siwaa: Lit: Shiva. Another term for dude. "Alla siwaa, naan en helthene andre...."

Suryanige torchaa? : Lit: Are you shining a torch to the sun? "Boss are you teaching him kannada badwords? Suryange torchaa?"

Ucheyal meen hidithaane : Lit: Catching fish in urine. Cheapskate who looks for opportunities in the most shady conditions.

Uh? : The anglicized version of "aa?" above. Usually blends into last syllable of the previous word unless it is a vowel. "What daa, didn’t go to college juh?" "Not well, luh?" "Wont come tomorrow also vuh?" "Watching movie yuh?"

Yaar nin chair na alladsidru? : Lit: Who shook your chair? Why are you so perturbed?

Now our job has been done but for your part pliss to be using the above words freely in the city to be finally accepted as the Non South Indian maccha who's pretty damn cool after all. Enjaay maadi!

Vo my gaad Biker dude i cant believe we forgot "Swalpa adjust maadi" For you guys "swalpa adjust maadi" is a phrase you will hear at least 15 times a day and it means "Kindly adjust" and they're not talking about your family jewels here. [That type of adjusting will make you no friends!]

edited at 12:17 am: Adjushtu: adjust. Most important word that originates from the accomodative nature of all Bangaloreans. "Solpa adjusht maadi shiva." "Sir one more banana buying means it will adjusht within 10 rupees." "Sir traffic signal jump fine kodi." "Urgent ithu saar, solpa adjusht maadi"

For my Super Talented Kb!

Pri said: Its your first ever fashion show and we're not there to cheer for you. [Some best friends we are!] But i know you'll make us proud. Go Kb creations!

Soupie said: You're my favourite designer (already)

We wore the first ever KB creation and we'll always wear a KB.

Show em Singaporeans what you're made of.

SUPERSTAR [Known yis ye draap...unknown yis ye yocean]

RBR claims he saw/heard this on some news channel. [Yes we're thorough professionals on this blog]

Rajini fans are coming out of the movie hall after watching Sivaji:

Man with half a shirt comes out all sweaty and beaming. Interviewer asks him how the movie was.

Sweaty man: "Swooper saar swooper pichaar. All the comedy scenes were very humour saar."

Interviewer: "So you liked it?"

Sweaty man: "Swooper saar. I was not abled to hear yanny dialogues saar. Too much whistling. But no praablem saar. Tomorrow yagain i yam going. THALAIVAAAAAAAAAR!"

Watch this video for some crazy fan reactions.

This loony lady who looks quite sensible otherwise flew in to Chennai from Australia just to watch the movie first day first show. Watch her talk like Rajini is one of her family members.

Sudhish Kamat [who's otherwise quite the reliable film critic] writes here about why there is no reason to look for reality in a Rajini film.

And check this out. FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!

Overheard today

"So what do you think about this whole Nicole Richie pregnancy thing?"

"I think its like those starving kids in Sudan who don't eat anything for a year and then suddenly their stomachs bloat."

5 things

1. Um the tickets to SIVAJI have been sold out even in DENVER, COLORADO. WTF?

2. I'm currently listening to 'Dil mein baji guitar' from 'Apna sapna money money' and i have this uncontrollable urge to dance like a lorry driver.

3. I have a half day at work tomorrow so this kind of feels like a long weekend but not really.

4. My new laptop isn't as perfect as i thought it was. Remember how i said it was super shiny? Well when i type for extended periods of time [which i do a lot for lack of a real life] the shiny part that touches my wrists gets kind of heated and that isn't very comfortable. :(

5. Coming to the point of this post i am being made to apologise to two people. Two people who were deeply saddened when i deleted their comments and who have since boycotted this blog. I deleted the comments to prevent spamming. I told them that spamming was for orkut scrapbooks and not for this blog. They have promised to behave henceforth. Also one of them has a birthday soon so Happy birthday bitch! Now that your demands have been met ...Welcome back!!!

IIFA commentary

I watched the IIFA awards today with mother who happened to be in a very talkative mood. I had the privilege of listening to the following running commentary throughout the show.

When Dharmendra was on stage with his two weepy sons - "Oho! Why he didn't bring his daughters also on stage? Eediot fellow."

At AB & AB.2 - "Both father and son need to shave, chee disgusting it looks!"

At Kangana Ranaut's outfit - "Oh my god! What is she wearing? What can you not see?"

On Shilpa Shetty's dancing - "Why she is shaking only one side? She will dislocate her hip."

On Karan Johar: "Aah i like this boy a lot. See so neatly he's come off. I want to have coffee with him."

During the clip of the new Gandhi film: "What nonsense! Gandhi didn't look like that. Oh he is sitting on some seat aa? I thought why he is wearing a flared skirt?"

On Anil Kapoor: "You think his hair and moustache are both wigs aa?"

On Akshaye Khanna: "Who is that chapraasi fellow next to Anil Kapoor?"

On Lara Dutta's diction: "Who is she? So nicely she is talking no? Oho from Bangalore aa? That's why."

My favourite parts of the show - the Beedi performance, Shabana Azmi's beautiful saree. Anyone know who made it? Shilpa Shetty's crotch hugging pants - I didn't like them but it was fun watching mother make faces at the TV and finally Ritesh Deshmukh's new haircut. Who knew he was an Upendra fan?

Mummyji ki happy budday

It was mother's birthday today. She loves to throw parties for everyone's birthdays and today she threw one for herself. I had to attend this party since well it was kind of in my house. It wasn't a Desi party because all the Desi people we know have gone to India for the summer. So this was a 'people mother knows from church' party also known as a Jesus party.

As you've probably gathered by now I'm not really religious and so Jesus parties don't make me very comfortable. I was still required to be gracious and hospitable and make pleasant conversation [my least favourite part]. So i put on a salwar kurta and all to help me get into the good little Indian daughter mood and i tried to prepare myself mentally for the evening.

I almost ruined it before it began. Killing a guest would ruin a party right? See i was in charge of picking up the cake since i couldn't possibly be put in charge of anything else edible. Anyway as i was backing out of the garage i came very close to knocking this one old lady down. She had parked her car right near the garage and was walking towards me but for some reason was looking back at her car. Thankfully i spotted her in time thereby saving a life, a party and lots of money.

By the time i got back ... and i made sure i took my time at Dairy Queen choosing from all of three varieties of cakes they had left that didn't already have 'HAPPY FATHER'S DAY' on them, and when i asked them to write 'Happy Birthday Pri's mommy' on it they refused, supposedly complicated tasks of that nature required twenty four hour notice. Entha nonsense alva? Anyway this one girl finally agreed to do it but she told me it was her first time and she was still in training and so i should be prepared to have it not look very neat. In training? One needs to be trained and acquire a certificate to write on a cake?]

Now what the fuck was i talking about?

Right! The party. So i get back and the house is full of people, all women, all old women, all old Jesus loving women, all old Jesus loving Amreekan women [cause all the Desi people went to India remember?] So i said hi to everyone and one lady even did a half namaste/half bow type thing and i did one back without cracking up. Then i quietly escaped to my air conditioned people-free room. Unfortunately i could hear every bit of conversation. Still i was grateful because i wasnt out there having to answer lame questions or anything. Mother called me to help serve the food and i did. As soon as everyone began eating i quietly escaped to my room again. Then i was told that i should come talk to the guests and that this one lady in particular really wanted to talk to me. The stupid fuck! So i went out and sat next to her. I asked if she was enjoying the food and if i could get her anything when all of a sudden she looked me straight in the eye and said the four worst words one can ever hear. "HAVE YOU BEEN SAVED?" I was like "I'm sorry?" and she asked me again. I said "um I'm Catholic" and then i excused myself and ran away to my room. WTF? Seriously. WTF?

Eventually they all left and now i have the house back to myself, plus all that food in the refrigerator. Mmm mmm mmm!

This has nothing to do with anything but do check out this and this. Sad but sho shweet! And this.

Ooh and this. Bwahahahahaha.

Fascinating afternoon discoveries

So i read this and then i saw this picture and i was like OMG perfect!


Yeah i'm lame like that. I'm also super bored.

The Brat's new SHINY friend

So my mother [who apparently still thinks I'm twelve] hid my laptop the other day. Yeah you heard me right. She HID it!

I had stayed over at a friend's place the previous evening and i came home mid Sunday afternoon slightly hung over and very sleepy. The first thing i noticed of course was the empty space on the couch that belonged only to my laptop. Mother then informed me that she had taken it [read: kidnapped it and was keeping it hostage until i did whatever she commanded]

According to her I spent too much time on it. Now I'm not contesting that. I do spend ridiculously long hours on it but who under the age of 30 [alright 40! i don't want to piss some readers off] doesn't?

I was miserable without my laptop. I watched TV for a while and took a nap but then i woke up and felt this deep pain inside that wouldn't go away. I was actually looking forward to going to work today just so i could be near a computer. All day i thought of my laptop and i imagined life without it. I couldn't. It was too painful and so i started looking online for a solution, you know... a new laptop! I found lots of solutions. I told Gabby my idea. I told her how mum and dad had paid for my old laptop when i was in college and so technically mum could take it if she wanted.
However If i bought a new one it would be all mine, ALL MINE!

Gabby said: DO IT!
I was like Gabby you're a terrible influence. You're supposed to say "NO. Don't be silly. Just ask her to give it back."
Gabby said: DO IT and FLAUNT IT!!!
I gave up: Fine. I will.
Gabby said: Call the store and ask if they have the one you want.
I told her i already had.

We exchanged evil laughs and i drove to the store right after work.

Of course at the store i ended up picking a different one [read: more expensive one] from the one i had chosen online. But you see it was shiny. I mean like super shiny, like i could see my face in it shiny. It had all the stuff my old computer had plus it had that thingy for when i order cricket online and i can connect my laptop to the big screen TV. Plus it was SHINY! I made up my mind in two minutes. The guy looked shocked but in a good way. "Would you like our geek squad to set it up for you so you can go home plug it in and start using it?"
"Um you can do that?"
"Sure, no problem. It should take about 40 minutes to complete. You can come collect it at 9 just before we close."

I walked out all happy. I realised i had just experienced one of the perks of adulthood..doing whatever the fuck i want to do. Ironically this was probably one of the more childish things I'd done in a while but who gives a shit?

In the forty minutes i needed to kill before collecting my new shiny toy um computer i managed to buy three shirts from Banana Republic. Oops! They're pretty though, and summery and totally essential for work. Ahem!

I got home and like the geek squad promised i was able to plug it in and use it right away. I'm still trying to get over the shinyness as i type.

p.s. My orkut fortune for the day say: You will inherit a large sum of money.
I hope so. It would help pay for my computer!

edited @ 1:02 am: I was not threatened into making the following statement. It was made voluntarily. Ahem i would like to state here that Raobharathrao was the first person i talked to on my new computer and he also very kindly helped me set up what the geek squad forgot to set up. He explained to me what the weird beeping noises were and told me how to get rid of them. He explained to me why gmail kept signing me out and he also reminded me of all the fun things i needed to download to make my new shiny friend feel like my old less shiny friend. Raobharathrao - take a bow. You are truly an extraordinary best Internet friend!

Tulsi ki maut. KYA????????????

I had heard from here that Tulsi Virani was going to be killed off Saah Bahu today. So very excitedly i watched and by god it was worth it. I don't know what show/channel they were trying to compete with tonight but it must have been huge. I was spell bound with how much crap they managed to pack into a 20 something minute show.

They started off with a super quick recap explaining how Tulsi was travelling with her mental institute friends in this truck which rolled off the road and then very tragically she died. They confirm this maut by showing us some bracelet type thing that belonged to her. Yeah right! Then the three scheming bahus cremate her and bring her ashes home. Their entrance was brilliant. See just before they walk in this huge gust of wind blows out all the diyas in the house. The rangoli starts flying off the floors but 400 year old Ba has seen this all before. She knows 'yeh bahut abshagun hota hain'. The three women walk in wearing white saris, their hair flying in the wind. It was like a special tribute to Zee horror show. Remember that crap? Once the Virani parivar finds out that the contents of the bright red pot one of them is carrying includes their favourite bahu [araraaaaaa] the face flashing and plate dropping begins and how!

Now Ekta Kapoor is the queen of dramatic face flashing. Let me explain exactly what i mean by face flashing. First we start with a close up of each member of the family. Then the close up gets bigger and bigger and bigger but all of this has to be from different angles with thunder and lightening in the background. I almost had a seizure at this point but I'm glad i survived to watch the rest.

Tulsi's photo with mala is then put up in no time and everyone has said their alvidas but just as they are about to let her aathma rest in peace Mihir makes his announcement. He wants to keep the ashes with him. Again everyone talks about how 'yeh bahut abshagun hota hain' but he has made up his mind. Flashback to when they first met, when Mihir died, when he rose from the dead much like JC [not Jackie Chan] then when he lost his memory, then when he regained his memory, then when Tulsi lost her memory, then when Tulsi regained her memory, then when he kicked her out of the house [for shooting her son who had izzat looted her bahu], when she went to jail, then when he begged her to come back, then when he sent her to the mental institution and many more of such wonderful scenes.

Break [Oooh the Iifa awards are on soon]

We're back. Ba is watering a plant in a way that only Ba can. Oh but its not just any plant - its the Tulsi plant which now looks like my mother's karipatta plant that i was supposed to water when she went out of town which i forgot to water except for that last day when i went to pick her up at the airport. Six months have passed supposedly and everyone in the house has forgotten that this is Tulsi's half year anniversary. Everyone except Ba. Ba can never forget. This is one of her two super powers. The other of course is immortality. [Think Bee gees] She looks around at the many feuds going on around the house and her heart is saddened.

Break [Ooh Shilpa Shetty is going to be honoured at the Iifa awards. Wtf for?]

And we're back. Mihir is also saddened by the things happening in Shanti Niketan and he cries out to Tulsi. Just then Tulsi's photo responds much like that talking mother in Hum Paanch [remember that crap?] and as a sign to Mihir [who is now so old he cant hear talking pictures] she drops her mala. Just then a woman lying in a hospital bed wakes up with 'Koi mujhe pukaara'. Now this person is either a mummy or its Tulsi bandaged up from head to toe [obviously after having had plastic surgery done by the kind doctor who did Parvati's [of Kahaani ghar ghar ki fame] plastic surgery. She demands that her bandages be removed right away and the nurses do not want to disappoint the viewers who are waiting with baited breath because its almost time for the end of the show and voila we get a sneak peak at her eyes. The new and improved Tulsi looks 20 years old. Quite apt me thinks for someone who's going to make a comeback into Shanti Niketan as a 200 year old Virani parivar bahu/rapist-son slayer.

The end.

Talk to me

If you’ve read this blog more than a couple of times you know by now how incredibly lame my life is. So my Statcounter has become a very intriguing cool puzzle type thing that I like to solve. I like to figure out who’s who and who knows who and how they got here and all that fun stuff and I have names for most of my visitors, either their real names or names I have decided will suit them. Like MNZ = mysterious New Zealand Person who is one of my oldest readers but is too shy to say hi. Say Hi!

Then there’s the mysterious person from

‘oforganicstrawberries.blogspot’ which I can’t access because it’s by special invite only and apparently I’m not special enough. Sniff.

So my point here is that I’d like to know you all so tell me your name/anonymous blog name/whatever you’d like me to call you, where you’re from, how you got here and why in god’s name you come back again and again. Okay?

Like that tour guide dude from ‘Honeymoon Travels Pvt Ltd’ likes to say “Let us introduce ourselves to ourselves.”

And now just for being so good I'd like to provide you with some eye candy.
Here's TREY from Channel V's 'By Demand'. Yeah that same crazy idiot who liked to call random restaurants in India and place super long orders for delivery and then right at the end he would give them his entire address ending with Hong Kong.

You know I'm really liking this eye candy idea a lot. I might just make it a regular thing with random hotties i find.

Yes. Do ask. I enjoy these wonderful enlightening moments we share.

Brittany: So Pri is 'Regards' like a common way for Indian people to end a conversation?

Pri: Sure. Every time I call my friends I'm like "Alright betch ill talk to u later... REGARDS" click

Later

B: So Pri… are there like gay people in India?

Receives strange look from Pri

B: Are there a lot? I mean do they like come out and stuff? Cause you guys are so traditional and stuff...

Later B hears me bitch about missing the Aerosmith concert.

B: Wait, Aerosmith performs in India??

I roll my eyes at her

So do they like sing in Indian?

Brittany and Gabby then attempt singing "I don't wanna miss a thing" in Indian accent

Later

B: Do they put curry in ice cream?

At this point I'm just head banging and not in a cool Aerosmith way, more like in a aiyoo raama type way.

B: No seriously Pri cause that one time S made me try some Indian ice cream and it had curry in it.

Pri: It did not

B: It did too

Research later reveals she was talking about some kesar pista ice cream from the Indian store.


Susan: Oh i wanted to tell you. We have these Indian neighbours. Very nice people. The kid's name is armpit.

Pri: It is not!

Susan: Oh do you know them?

Pri: No but no one names their son armpit.

Much research later i find out the kid is named 'Arpit'


Gabby: Oh Pri i had this India related question i had for you but i forget what it is.

Pri: Oh thank god!

Gabby: What is that you're wearing?

Pri: It's called a kurta

Gabby: A koota?

Pri: No and be careful how you say it. I explain to her the difference between kurta and kutta.

Gabby practices saying kurrrta for the next 10 minutes.


Linda: Ooh whats that? Did your mum send us some umpa lumpa again? [referring to my lunch box. Yes now that mother is talking to me again she went overboard and packed upma for me]


Random lady: So you're from India right?

I nod and mentally prepare myself to answer some elephant/snake charmer type question.

RL: So do they have currency in India?

Pri: [No betch we use mango leaves] Um yes

RL: Is it like regular paper money?

Pri: Yes except it isn't green.

RL: Ooh what is it called?

Pri: Rupees

RL: Rooh Pee?

Pri: Yes

RL: hmmm Wow! So how do you say your name? Prayah?

Pri: No. Priya

RL: Peeya?

Pri: No. Priya

RL: Oh so without the R?

Pri: No, with the R.

RL: So R is silent in your language?

Pri: No. It isnt. It's Prrreeya

RL: That's what i said in the beginning.

Who you calling a dumb ass?

So poor little Corey [who's the baby in the office] had the meanest rudest old man customer ever today. Unfortunately i didn't get to witness what happened but supposedly mean old man called poor little Corey [who we like to call 'curry' and sometimes when he acts all shy we call him 'chicken curry'] a dumb ass on more than one occasion. Can you believe that name calling bastard? Brittany was more than happy to make drawings of what she imagined took place.

And then Bill came and rescued poor Corey and he lived to tell the tale.

THE END

Feeling extra Desi

I watched like a total of seven hours of Indian Idol plus a couple of Hindi movies* online this weekend and I woke up this morning feeling very Desi. I even listened to my ‘Morning Raaga’ CD [that my dad just sent me] on my way to work.

And in keeping with my sudden burst of Desiness I wore a FabIndia kurta to work. Everyone loved it of course and I got asked a million times where it was from. “My mum bought it for me from India” was greeted with sad faces - “Ohhhh of course. There’s no way you could find something that pretty here” so I started telling people they could visit the Fabindia website.
Now after about 7 referrals I feel like I deserve a cut. I do no?

In other news it’s Monday and I’m grumpy. What’s happening with you?

*I recommend ‘Cheeni kam’. Watch out for the cute little kid [she dies at the end so don’t get too attached] and funny waiter who might be related to Vadivelu. Also watch out for the super dramatic scene at the end where you’re supposed to be all sad but you can’t stop laughing because Amitabh Bacchan is yelling ”Maa, mujhe sexy chahiye maa..”
Now that I’ve completely ruined the movie for you I do recommend that you watch it. It’s good really.

edited @ 4.53 pm: Statcounter tells me someone googled "cheeni kam amitabh chicken" and found my blog.
WTF?
Amitabh chicken?? You think that was a typo?

Also read this version of the Aerosmith concert. Much funneir than mine.

Ooh random question to fellow bloggers - Is it just me or is BLOGGER being a bitch? The last few times i've posted stuff i've ended up with four trillion drafts that i didnt ask for. Help!

Am i missing something?

NDTV: Search for the next Indian coach - Whatmore the only applicant for the job

BCCI: "Whatmore has a good chance"

KG avara Orkut challenge

KG needs your help, desperately.
Kindly do the needful.
Prizes [albeit lame and potentially unhygienic*] are being offered.
With the combined orkut experience of my blog readers i am quite confident we can do eet.

*same to same alva?

Aerosmith [post concert bitching]

So the Aerosmith concert just got over. I didn't go. BD was supposed to send me tickets to fly to Bangalore but those never arrived :(

Anyway these are the first reactions courtesy Karen.

karan: hi
priya: karen!
enri?
karan: i just came from the concert
it sucked
priya: wat???
really?
karan: yeah they sang ALL unknown songs
priya: huh?
bwahahahaha
karan: They didn't sing their best songs
sadistic bastards
priya: oho! karen how many aerosmith songs do u know apart from 'pink' and 'dont wanna miss a thing'?
karan: they didn't sing Janie's got a gun
quite a few...
they didn't sing Crazy
priya: how was the crowd?
karan: they crowd was so irritated
priya: how much were the tickets?
heeeee
karan: 1800/-
priya: how many people were there?
omg
karan: lots
what a rip off no?
priya: yes
so sad
heeeeee
karan: and they got off stage before 10
and steve tyler kept saying "namaste" like a bitch about a million times which pissed me off even more
priya: bwhahahahaha
wow wat a disaster
ask for a refund
karan: yeah people were doing that there
oh, also we saw "celebs" in the crowd
Sunita Rao - she was so bored.. she walked out
but yeah, she looked nice
but she's aunty types
"Pari hoon main... Mujhe na choona" girl
priya: sunita rao looked nicee??
i love pari hoon main
karan: yeah, she didn't look like a bhoot.
priya: omg i have got to make RBR search for that song for me
karan: she generally looks like a bhoot
priya: heeeeeeee
karan: i think i have that song.
priya: with her snake bindi
and her snake hair
priya: u do? karen send no
i havent heard that song in soooooooooooooooooooooooo long
karan: we were so tempted to ask her from where she makes money now
priya: bwahahahahaha
y didnt u?
karan: coz she was with a gym boy man
he had BIG biceps
priya: karen why have u sent me this forward about finding this kid? who is she and why is she so important? even david fuckin bekham is looking for her! i mean there are other missing kids too.
karan: ohh
i sent for spam value
also, we saw the band of boys who were like losers
priya: band of boys? bwahahahaha
they're all failed tv actors no?
spam value anthe!
bitch send me the song
karan: yeah, they came in front of the NDTV camera and started singing their songs.
priya: that one boy used to be in kanyadaan - this serial i used to watch on sony. it was nice
priya: omg was vijay mallya there too ?
in his special box?
karan: 'coz they didn't get to go in the VIP stand
i don't know
priya: when we'd gone to watch enrique [can u believe we went to watch enrique?] mallya was there
in this special vip enclosed section
while we had to stand with smelly people falling all over us
i remember that concert because i had just finished my viva for my lame project that same morning
this was final yr degree
i was the girl yelling "i had more fun at my freakin viva mr iglesias"
there were so many boys shouting "we love u enrique..."
we liked to mispronouce enrique. we liked to call him "enreek"
did u see any other celebs?
upendra? bengloor models? rjs?
karan: oh, nikhil chinnappa
another attention seeker
priya: k
i cant stand him
i could never watch mtv when my dad was in the same room cause chinappa would always say something perverted
karan: oh, but I hoped to see Pashmina Barker
I think she's hot
We went for Nikhil's sisters wedding and Pashmina was there in a low waist sari
aah...bliss
priya: who wears a sari to a concert?
karan: thu, no for wedding
priya: who's wedding betch?
karan: she wore low waist sari with bikini blouse
priya: oh heeee i must've missed that sentence
dont yell betch


And then there was Irbaz

Ir: ola
priya: enri?
how was the concert?
Ir: i didnt go, i cudnt be asked to stand in dust, sweat, with sticky gay lads
priya: heeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Ir: wud u go to the concert?
priya: sure i would
i'd go to any concert
i went to enrique
i went to bryan adams [not the second one]
i went to europhia
Ir: when he came with anna? i went to both bryan adams
priya: anna? like big brother? he only has a younger brother i think. he had this lame single. remember? the video was shot on some bus. wat's his name? oh julio iglesias jr i think
i went to this radio city 'search for the next big rock band' concert
i went to see antaragni
i love antaragni
Ir: oh they sing jingles now
priya: heeeeeee
really? so sad
there was this "mysore se aayi woh" song that i loved
Ir: hehe yeh
priya: that main singer's voice is so nice..

p.s Since the last post was about trees i have to show you this picture. I pass this tree every day and i giggle like a 12 year old because i think it looks like THE FINGER. So today i stopped and took a picture.

Also i'd like to dedicate what the tree represents to Aerosmith since they dissapointed Karen [and i'm sure all my other Bangaloreans] so much.