A wonderful movie called 'Evening' - and the mountain i made of it.

I just got back from watching 'Evening'. I knew this movie would be lovely. I just didn't realise it was going to be this lovely. I left the hall feeling moved and even somewhat wiser. Is it possible to mature a little during the course of a two hour movie? In case you were wondering the movie is about life and decisions and knowing what you want and not knowing and never being sure and about regrets and bad decisions and the future and the past and love and friendship and infatuation and desperation and happiness and sadness. But mostly its about moments. Special random strange moments that make a person's life what it is.

I found myself feeling for these people, for their lives and this is very odd but i always feel this way when i watch a really good movie or TV show. I relate to various people and i feel their pain. Sometimes i envy them. I used the word odd because in real life i could care less. I'm one of the most cold hearted people I've known. I'm fabulous at being cold and emotionless. I watch other people make their mistakes and i roll my eyes. I'm too smart to make those same mistakes i think. But then one part of me realises I'm just too cowardly to let things happen to me. I play it safe. My safe is a lot different from other people's safe but its still safe. I want all of these things but I'm too busy being me and in the process i think i might miss out on a lot of these things and these moments. I don't want a life of regrets like all the people i see around me but i don't want to regret not even trying. I surprise myself with my strength sometimes and at other times i feel like this isn't strength. Its just me being me and conveniently pushing things to the back of my head where i don't have to think about them anymore. I want to be hopeful but i don't want to be unrealistic. I don't want to be cynical but i cant help being that way. Sometimes i feel like I'm thinking about things way too early. I should be happy and giggly and willing to take risks now and i should leave the contemplation and regret for later...like when I'm forty or something. I don't know what i want. I know some of the things i don't want and you'd think that would make it easier. But sometimes i start questioning why i don't want certain things and then i start to rethink it and it only gets messier.

You think i might need to visit the loony bin sometime soon? I mean i watch a bloody movie and now I'm a professor of philosophy apparently.