To C

Someone asked me the other day about you and i said very nonchalantly "Oh we don't talk anymore". That was the first time i said it out loud. Its hard to believe how everything has changed. How did you go from a smart confident sweet young girl to someone with no mind of her own? Why do you let one relationship ruin every other? Why are you so terrified of being single? You don't always have to be 'so and so's girlfriend', you know? You can just be you. You were you in college and you were just fine. Remember? We used to talk about boys and our future and how we weren't going to be one of those girls who got married and then attended kitty parties and made tanjore paintings all day. You're one of them now, well you will be pretty soon.
We had our fights but we'd always make up. We had to no? The other girls in class were so lame. We always thought we were superior to everyone else. I told you everything, well almost everything. We'd bunk class together and sit under that porch thingy and make fun of people passing by. You'd bunk Hindi class for me when i didn't have class. You'd come to KFC with me when i wanted to eat a Zinger burger just so you could eat their ketchup. You'd agree to watch any movie, even ones in languages you didn't understand. You'd share your koki everyday. I had my only sorta scary accident with you. We both thought we were going to die. We both limped for the next whole week and decided to take the week off from college. We'd always get caught laughing in class, even when we were being 'punished'. Our teachers hated us. But they hated us together. We did terribly on our final projects together. We even had the same exact topic but we twisted the title enough to fool the judges. We hated the Rajasthan trip together. We almost got kidnapped by that weirdo in Jaipur remember? We almost got suspended during the Bombay trip. We both loved silly stickers and cute stationary. You'd tell me who died on 'Saas Bahu' if i missed an episode. You'd come downstairs with me to the canteen so i could have my coffee. You'd let me copy your homework and i'd let you copy mine. But mostly we'd copy from someone who'd actually done it. We liked to wear each other's watches and backpacks and rings (this one is sorta lesbo i must admit). But we thought each other's rings were prettier. And then you lost my ring and were too scared to tell me. I still have yours. We'd play silly games in class. We'd invent new games to play in class. I'd make Sindhi jokes and you'd make Tamilian jokes. We loved to embarrass each other. We'd eat cup o noodles and microwave popcorn together. You'd even eat stuff off the ground. You were really gross sometimes. And greedy. You'd do anything for cake. I always talked like you when i talked to you. I dunno why. I couldn't help it. You loved to listen to all the 'talks' my dad had given me the previous day. You were silly and fun and self obsessed, just like me. I can't relate to you anymore. Someone else controls your mind now. Its scary. I hope you'll be happy. I hope that I'm wrong, that we're all wrong. I tried. We all tried. But it looks like you've made your decision.
I miss the old you.

I couldn't come up with a Title for this one. Any suggestions?

So you know how Gtalk is attached to Orkut and so it adds every a**f**k on your Orkut list to your Gtalk list without even asking your permission? Now here's the problem. When you sign on to Gtalk and you see someone online you cant really ignore them and so you think of something to say and you're good for like two minutes with the "ooh do you remember this?" and "ooh hows this person doing?" but then before you know it you've run out of content and then you get this weird uncomfortable few seconds where no ones typing anything, and you have absolutely nothing to say but you have no idea how to end the conversation. I guess you could say "okay i have to go do this" or simply 'gtg' but see then you're expected to sign off but you might still want to be signed on just in case someone you really want to talk to comes online. Sigh! Life is so complicated! I've now reached a stage where almost everyone on every list is blocked. If you're reading this i promise I've never ever considered blocking you. Ever :)

In other news, i went to this fancy restaurant today...you know where the chef comes to your table and performs little tricks with the knife and makes your meal right in front of you. Well it was fascinating and all until the guy started dropping stuff. After that he could've juggled knives with his feet or pulled rabbits out of his hat [which reminds me...i don't think he was wearing one. Gross] but i had lost interest. Really once you've dropped something [and almost burned your hand on the hot stove] you cant really ask for any respect. Loser! I did scope for cute chefs while i was there but unfortunately i saw none. Its sorta depressing actually. I mean i cant even find a cute chef. How am i going to find a cute chef who plays cricket and is an orphan? Huh? Huh?

Okay so funny story. Dad called last night while i was enjoying dosas at this nice aunty's house.

Dad: So the other day no ma i had gone for my evening walk and then when i was getting into my car no i saw one young boy staring at the car. So i was like who is this eediot and i said "Ey who are you? What do you want?" and the boy was like "Oh hello uncle, no actually i was just looking at the sticker on your car. It says University of Colorado no? I also studied there. I did my Masters and PhD there." So then i was like oh ho and i told him that my daughter also studies there. He is a good boy ma. New to Bangalore it seems. So anyway i thought I'd tell you.

Uncomfortable silence.

Pri: So Pa are you going to watch the Oscar awards today?

Dad, a little disappointed at my lack of excitement: Oh its today aa? Okay ma i will watch.

Oh and at this same dinner party there was this hilarious unclejee with the most ridiculous accent ever. The whole time we were there he wouldn't shut up about these tours [he called them tooorrs] he supposedly arranges to the Holy city [voly city] and how fascinating they were. I wish i could remember more ... i was too high on the dosas but something about how all the huzbends trushted him with their wives on the tooorr and how vemens sapety [safety] was so important nowvadays and about how some neighbour in Chennai gave him lots of jack fruit and how this smell was coming from the neighbours house. I tried not to make eye contact with my mum cause i was sure we'd both burst into uncontrollable laughter. We did later though, on the way home.

World Cup Team [Notice something odd about this Picture?]

Pri: Did u like Ambarish annas' photo? Bharath did eet the alteration to the photo heeeeee
Soupie: i love eet. he'd do gud on our team no?
Pri: ess ess heeeeeeee
Soupie: c how our heavyweight Inzi plays...same2same
Pri: correct correct
Soupie: and wats the name of that Srilankan guy? he's also huge no?
Pri: heeeeeeeeeee Rasagulatunga?
Soupie: yess yesss
Pri: runnertunga? cause he always uses a runner
Soupie: he's not doing much runnin is he?
Pri: im so cute i just came up with both those names
Soupie: i realised u were having a cutsey moment here
Pri: heeeeeeeeeee... i have lots of those no?

If i lay here..if i just lay here...would you lie with me and just forget the World?

So Meredith didn't die. I mean she couldn't have right? The show is after all named after her. Somehow i don't see a 'Grey's Skeleton' winning an Emmy for best Drama. Anyway the last fifteen minutes of the show tonight made it work. The whole in between hospital room and heaven thing was quite silly [except that we got to see Denny. Sigh! Denny's so hot even as a ghost.] Back to the last fifteen minutes I'm so glad they made it about Christina and Meredith. The whole 'don't die you're my best friend' thing. If Mcdreamy was in the room it would've been all 'don't die you're my girlfriend' and we've all seen that a million times. So i was wondering, have any of you ever imagined yourselves dying? I have. So many times. In so many different ways. No gory stuff. I always look perfect. Even at my funeral everyone is amazed at how insanely gorgeous i look. And then there are the people. My best friends. Yeah all three of them... weeping...but in slightly different ways. Kb's the strongest. She's holding Soupie's hand. Sid's really quiet.. Soupie's pretty loud. My parents, the random celebrity [usually a cricketer], ooh and Ooty aunty. Ooty aunty is always there. At everybody's funeral. She cries the loudest. That's why. I'm not close to her or anything. [She's my grandmother's sister and she lives in Ooty. She has a name but everyone's always called her that.] K i gotto go eat dinner now. Ta.

More random Gtalk talk (WARNING: This one is even sillier. I wouldn't recommend reading this very early in the morning)

priya: Belige belige im drinking coffee
Karan: ah, coffee, my fav
priya: but its only Bru
i was too lzy to make filter kaapi
Karan: i LOVE bru.
priya: hmmm its ok i guess
Karan: doubt if i can ever make it though.
priya: what's so difficult u idiot?
take some milk in a cup
Karan: Nescafe has solid sexy colour, but no taste.
priya: not steel
put it in the microwave for like 2 mins
then take 1 steel lota and put 1 tsp bru & 2 tsps of sugar in it
then pour from one to the other
till u get norai [as in foam]
then drink
yummmmmmmmmm
nescafe is like ariel powder
Karan: easier - "Pari, yenke one cup coffee venu
priya: type fast u lazy bitch
pari?
Karan: my maid.
:)
priya: oh i thought ure pari...ure doww
Karan: oh, my other maid is called Rakhee, but we call her Rocky.
priya: damn it i want a maid in the amreeka. Karen, will u be my maid?
Karan: ah, no such luck.
priya: be my maid!!!!!
actually never mind
ud be so useless
ud whine all day
Karan: She's BIG - and partly deaf.
priya: omg my maid is totally half deaf too
Karan: WTF?
priya: the one in bengloor
Karan: maybe it's a maid thing to be deaf.
Karan: does she call you "papa"?
priya: no u fuckface
priyamma
papa anthe!
Karan: all maids seem to call kids, ok girls "papa"
priya: wat does rocky call u? betu?
bachu?
laddoo?
Karan: "papa ke something venu"
priya: heeeeee
Karan: "papa alurida"
priya: alurida?
Karan: no, she calls me Karan.
priya: why u talking about tamil maids only?
racist!!!
Karan: 'coz Kannadiga's are not great maids.
Karan: lazy.
priya: omg
Karan: and don't last.
i don't know.
priya: i cant believe were discussng maids
Karan: we've always had tamilian maids.
you started it.
priya: good god were having such a sindhi kitty party discusson
no u did
Karan: Who's pari it seems!
priya: well yeah i thought she was ure doww
or that it was some line in some new kaapi ad u saw
Karan: ah, no dove men.
priya: type fast!
Karan: you get Bru there?
priya: ya ya
Karan: as in imported from India?
priya: and glusose biscoot...and thumbs up
Karan: or American?
answer my questions...
priya: i mean i buy it at the indian store
Karan: does it have an indian chick on the packet?
priya: yaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
priya: paah
Karan: Indian.
Zimble.
:)
priya: i already told u
the only doubt was if it was made here in california
or something u know like where they make indian icecreams
Karan: What?
priya: they sell some strange chikoo ice cream and mango and kesar pista
Karan: or DBC
ah, DBC.
priya: peach melba without the peaches (just the juice)
and cake fudge
and brownie fudge
Karan: but all of a sudden it's become un-cool to have ice-cream here.
priya: and pineapple passion mmmmmm
eh?
where?
Karan: all the kids are like "lets go for a gellato"
priya: a wat?
wat eet ees?
Karan: gellato it seems.
priya: like jelly?
gelatin?
jelabi?
Karan: some bloody fat free ice cream in all these malls.
priya: heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
shut up! really? omg
Karan: in really small cups.
priya: so silly
Karan: yeah,
and the places that stock them have sad names.
like "MAMA MIA"
priya: heeeeeeeeeeee
Karan: or "AMERO"
priya: i miss my bengloor..all these so called cool trends that start every 5 seconds
Karan: AND PEOPLE DON'T EAT BHUTTA.
priya: yay for karan...keeping me upto date!!!
Karan: BHUTTA!!!!
priya: waaaaaaaaaaaaat? why?????????????????????/
Karan: my fav.
priya: wat other thindis do they eat during their evening walk then?
kadale kai?
Karan: "it gets stuck in your teeth - yuck... "
priya: heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Karan: WTF?
priya: omg wat eediots
Karan: Corn in a cup
priya: heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
sorry?
u can do that?
so some dentist pulls out all the corn and puts it in a cup aa?
then u eat with toothpicks?
Karan: no, spoon.
with butter, lime and salt.
for 60 bucks.
priya: butter?
butter?
omg were turning into effing emmetikka!
Karan: yeah, almost.
priya: the only reason priya and i went for walks was to eat butta
and to go to std booth to call our respective dowws
Karan: priya?
priya: yeah, my neighbour
this was in the zamana when we didnt have cellphones
and then we'd check out the neighbourhead boys playing kirket
ooh and plus we could evesdrop on the local auntyjee gossip

Three months of Solitude

So mum got back on Thursday. A reminder for those of you who weren't aware - I've been living alone for the last three months and I've absolutely loved it. And now i have to relearn how to live with someone else. Don't get me wrong. I love my mum and she brought me back lots of nice presents and she cooks real good but in these three months i have realised something. I'm a loner. Ooh. Deep. No but really i have spent so much alone time with me since December and i was never once bored. I like the peace and quiet. Okay yes the television was my best friend. Don't judge me. And i did hang out with my friends a lot but it was mostly just me and my couch and my laptop. Sure there were sudden random shopping trips and dinners and cricket matches but the rest of the time it was just me and it was great. So i was wondering what this means. The fact that i am perfectly content with just me. Am i always going to be this way?
The fact that I've come home and the kitchen smells great should make me happy right? But i sorta miss coming home to find no food [well none that's more than a week old]. I miss picking up the phone to dial Dominos. I miss being able to sleep till whatever hour of the morning/afternoon/evening i choose to. I miss checking the mailbox only once a week [okay i admit this one is sorta lazy and could be potentially dangerous you know with all the identity theft that's happening] Anyway now the house doesn't just smell of me and dust. It smells of me and chicken biryani! And its not just the smells ... the noises...the vacuum cleaner. I mean shes been here what 4 days and the bloody thing has been used some 7 times. Okay i admit she did have to clean for 3 months. But it wasn't that dirty. I hadn't even used the rest of the house. It was exactly how she had left it.
The land line rings more often and i cant just let the answering machine get it. Today we had visitors. This whole family just showed up and i had to sit on the dining table [which is so highly overrated by the way] and make pleasant conversation with them. It was painful. I wanted to go back to my book. [Oh by the by i now read again because my awesome friend sent me a book...fine its about cricket]

In other news [which is related i promise] Dad called today and was talking about my future. Ugh! I hate those conversations. The marriage word is being thrown in a lot these days...all very casually but terrifying none the less. I know i cant avoid the topic forever but its sorta scary thinking about the day my dad will realise I'm not joking when i say "No pa, not for another 10 - 15 years." I know he will use every emotional card he can use but its not going to work. I've never been more certain of not wanting something in my life. I don't want to ruin my relationship with my dad. I don't want to cringe every Sunday night when the phone rings. I already get annoyed because i have to miss the second half of Brothers and Sisters every week. Am i just being the most self absorbed ungrateful bitch ever? Or am i just being me?

In totally unrelated news Dada won man of the series and i had to try really hard not to cry. To all those bastards who didnt believe it could happen........I TOLD U SO!!!

Completely useless [unless you're K or P or bored] Gtalk talk

P: k im back
u know wat?
K: hieee
P: i think Meredith may have died
K: ess tell me
P: Meredith Gray
K: wtf????
really?
P: yeah
K: they r killin her?
why?
P: i have to wait till thursday to find out
K: hehehhe
P: the last scene she wakes up and she sees Denny
u know dead guy Denny
K: awwww
yea yea
P: i think maybe she is in a coma and she is just seeing all this in her head
K: but how did she reach coma state?
P: she was helping a patient
near this thing
K: oki
P: i mean they all go to help cause there's this shipwreck
K: oki
P: so neway she is helping him and he is having fits or something and she loses balance and falls into the water
it was such a cool episode
K: ohhhh hehehehe
P: Izzy gets to drill a hole in this man's head using one of those car drills heeeeee
it was awesome
scary
K: ohhh gooood
hehhehe
P: if i was alone i would've cried
Kavya: hehhehe
P: but my mum was next to me munching chips
K: moms back ehhhhh
P: yeah
heeee
K: how was her trip
P: good good
she put on 15 pounds
K: how r u handling company?
P: heeeeeee
K: ommggg
P: it sucks
K: hehhehe
hehehhehe
P: i mean it doesn't suck
its just weird
K: i think i'll feel lik tht wen i get back
P:yeah
heeeeeee
K: im also home alone till tuesday
P: k
its nice no?
K: its chinese new yr
and we have holidays
no ya i speak to myself sometimes
hehehehe
P: oh yeah
annoying ppl had come to the bank to get new one dollar notes
for chinese new yr...like we have nothing better to do
K: ohhhh hehhehe
P: i wanted to slap all of them.
K: gong xi fa chai
P: eh?
wtf is that?
K: hehhehe that means happy new yr
P: oohh
cool
i thought it meant u were going for chai
heeee
K: hehhehehe
P: ok so why does this b******i put random pics of white babies as her Orkut profile pic?
Kavya: ummmm ummmm
i dono
maybe de poor gal has no pretty pics
im such a bitch
P:heeeeeeee
yeah but still why the kids?
K:and ur worse for even askin tht question
P:and why r they always white?
is she racist?
K: like de falthu posters ppl put wen they pregnant
hehhehe
P: heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
yeah so that their ugly ass kid will suddenly look like the fat white kid in the pic smelling a rose or some shit
K: ya yay ya
hehhehhe
P: good god this conversation is so silly
do u care if i put it on me blog?
K: and de pics r scary cuz they have an "angel" effect to them
no no put it
P: i like to say me blog occasionally cause i feel very Irish
now im trying to be funny cause i know this is going on my blog
im so lame
K: ummm yes
P: heeeeeeee

Heart dina

Soupie: “Pri you still boycott heart dina* in your part of the world right?”

Pri: “Of course, it’s so lame. We always boycott heart dina.”

Hmmmmm…

P.S. The grocery store has heart shaped vegetable platters on display and fruits that have been carved into little hearts. This of course doesn’t bother me since I don’t eat either.

*dina = day in Kannada.

Yeh hain Antakshari..Close up Antakshari

Today is the day millions of Indians all over the world have been waiting for. Yes Antakshari is back and it’s on Star one which means I get to watch it. A round of applause for Hindi Direct on DirecTV please!!! Omg omg Shahrukh Khan just walked on stage. The excitement in the room is unbelievable. The shine from the stage decor is blinding but I'm way too excited to let it affect me. Ooh a new host. She looks like a mermaid who just survived an underwater glitter explosion. Which brilliant designer made her dress? I can’t believe Annu Kapoor still does this. What is he eighty? The audience looks like they’ve been paid to be this excited. I mean they jump up and down every time their team gets a song right and I think I just saw a Mexican Wave. There's this mother daughter team who are totally gonna win this thing cause they know every freakin song and they can hit all the shriekiest of notes (not very pleasantly) but they do. Annu Kapoor still makes his worried face every time someone gets a song wrong. It's been like two decades and absolutely nothing has changed. The band still uses a Casio? wtf? Can they not afford a piano? They're so strict with the points. If you forget like 2 words in the song you're screwed. Ooh the competition is heating up. The Bengali guys are really good especially the one in the shiny 3D shirt. (I know there's a word for this sort of fabric...u know the one with the changing colours. Unfortunately all I can think of right now is 3D) Shaan just walked on stage. The crowd is going insane. I just saw this one auntyjee hugging her teenage son (boy toy?) jump up and down. Shaan looks a little uncomfortable with the high pitches. Oh and I forgot to mention its now a national competition with teams from the north east west and wait for it... centre of India. wtf? What about south India? Damn it I'm South Indian. I can play non stop antakshari and win. Oh no mum and daughter are out, I guess well have to wait till next week to see if 3D shirt boy and friend can win.

Dull girl leaves the office

Today was C's last day here. It would be an understatement to say that I was looking forward to her leaving. We were all looking forward to her leaving. After Cruella was fired C became our next bitching target. [I know, we're terrible. Get over it.]

C was easily the dullest person I've ever known. Fickle minded like no other person I’ve ever met and believe me I’ve met a lot of them in my short life. [Hmmm I wonder if I just jinxed it. I might die tomorrow and then people will read this and be like OMG she totally predicted her own death. And ill be famous and people will laugh. You know, like the guy who invented the Richter scale and then died in an earthquake] So back to C. She was paranoid [about everything] and liked to talk...a lot. She thought everyone at work hated her. [I guess she was right about that.] She was unbelievably slow [and I don’t mean with work, well that too], wedding obsessed -that would take another whole blog post. She was the sort of person who would ask your opinion on everything but would argue with you no matter what you said. I think she just needed to have someone listen [or in my case pretend to listen] until she figured out in that weird flowchart type brain that she had whatever it was she wanted. I found that the best way to end the conversation was to give your answer and leave the room as quickly as possible. If you stood there and just nodded the conversation could go on [and it has many many times] forever. When she needed to ask you a favour she would beat around the bush until you guessed what it was and once you had agreed to do it [most times just to get her to shut the fuck up] you would always hear a “Umm are you sure? But are you sure? Ohhhhhh! Okay... I mean... unless... I could just do it you know… but if you want to? Umm I guess. Okay ill just let you do it” followed by an extremely annoying giggle.

C’s favourite words included ‘unless’, ‘ummmm’, 'i guess', ‘although’, ‘hmmmm’, ‘ohhhhhhhhhhhhh’, ‘but’, ‘well’ and her most favourite word whenever she was mad at someone ironically was ‘aggravating’.

Anyone seen talking to her always had this look of desperation on their face. This was because C could make a minute seem like an eternity. "How can we make her talk faster?" was a question i'd gotten very used to hearing. C was also very neat. And by very neat i mean scary neat. I loved messing up her neat little arrangements just to piss her off. C also loved to announce things as she did them. Maybe this helped her brain process things faster i dont know. What i do know is that she couldn't multitask to save her life. When given a task she liked to talk about it and ask your opinion on how it was to be done even if it was something as simple as "Could you hand this over to someone?" She also loved to repeat things just for the fun of it. C was also obsessed with her things. For example say she had been using a particular pen that day and you happened to borrow it for a second she would freak out and follow you around until you returned it. This was supposedly because she had gotten the ink to flow nice and smooth and she was too lazy to walk a few steps to the cabinet with the boxes of the other perfectly good pens because those didn't write right.

Anyway today she left and we got her a little cake and sang her a little song. I was amazed at how well we pulled off the whole thing considering we had just been bitching about her some ten minutes earlier. I totally enjoyed our little fake five minutes when everyone complemented her on her hair. L claimed she could tell C felt very pretty later because she kept touching her hair.
God i love the office. It brings out the inner bitch in me.

Babies and me

It’s okay for someone who isn’t overly fond of babies to suddenly be totally in love with a three month old right? I used to think babies were adorable back when I was 15. But over the years I’ve found myself mostly being annoyed by the whiny little brats. Also pregnant women always grossed me out. And so when my friend was expecting her ‘bundle of joy’ (who comes up with this crap?) it wasn’t very easy for me to be around her. But I think I coped a lot better than I thought I would. By the end of the nine months words like ‘amniotic fluid’ and ‘fetus’ were just regular conversation words. (Okay ill admit fetus still grosses me out.) Anyway one Monday night Aanu was born and even then I didn’t completely melt. I mean I admit she was pretty cute but all she did was sleep and eat (Don’t get me started on the words that went with that one. By the by breast pumps are very very weird um instruments?) Anyway it was only about a month ago when she started to make little baby noises and not be asleep all the freakin time and then she started to make eye contact and smile (and what a smile) and I found myself doing what I never thought I would ever do. I started to talk in that annoying voice adults use to talk to babies. I have these videos I’ve taken of her and I’m amazed at how singsongy I sound. Ugh! What have I turned into? Anyway Aanu is one spoilt little brat. She gets an oil massage every night followed by a warm bath. Then she gets lathered in Johnson’s baby lotion. No wonder babies smell so great! Oh and occasionally her mommy will let me pick out her outfits and decide what hairstyle she gets. She has been known to rock the Mohawk! Oh and now when I go shopping I stop in the baby aisle and look at the adorable little baby clothes. I bought her her first Tommy Hilfiger onezy. (Is that how it’s spelled? See I’m using words even my computer hasn’t heard of.) Anyway Aanu refuses to go to sleep without her massage. So now her mommy has started to do little pretend massages. All she has to do is take off Aanu’s night suit and rub some baby lotion on and bundle her back up and she falls for it. Heeeeeeee. I think it’s adorable that babies are stupid.

So does this mean I’ve changed my mind about babies and now want to have one of my own? Hell No!!!

Um I believe you have my stapler

So last evening B and I found ourselves bored and hungry (read greedy). I was telling B about our psychotic manager and his new found obsession with of all things a stapler! Just as I finished my story we heard the manager yell “This stapler rules”. That was it. We had lost it. We decided to do something about it at once! (We were also super bored) This stapler, we realised could be excellent bait. If we kidnapped it we could ask for almost anything in exchange for it. And so we did. We asked for potato chips. (What? I said we were hungry) Anyway we made this adorable ransom note and I placed it in on the manager’s desk. (I must mention here that B did a great job of distracting the manager. No no. She didn’t do anything inappropriate.) So anyway were still waiting for our potato chips to arrive but till we get them we have the stapler under lock and key. Oh and in case you were wondering this is just a regular stapler. It’s slightly bigger than the average stapler but supposedly it staples really well! Is anyone else reminded of that Milton guy from Office Space?

P.S. The image isn’t very clear but this is what it reads: “Bring five bags of Boulder chips or the stapler gets it”
We originally had said two bags but then we got greedy and changed it to five.
Oh and if you’ve never seen Office Space you can watch the stapler part here

Since it has now been more than 24 hours and there is still no sign of our chips we sent the manager this: Death of the Stapler - first warning


Edited at 9:37pm: Day 2 and still no sign of the chips. Death of the Stapler - second warning was sent to the manager. The stapler used in this video was not the manager's stapler.

How we can make life a little more comfortable for our Umpires.

You know how of late our ICC umpires haven't really been performing up to the mark? So i was thinking of some things that we could do to get them to be a little more friendly and a little less um blind. So i made a list of all the things that I would want if i were an umpire. Lets see: firstly a chair. You cant expect someone to stand in the same spot for 5 freakin days. Oh and also since its so hot (most days) i would need air conditioning. So maybe like a compact little box with air conditioning? And some refreshments would be awesome. But this box thingy would need to be ball proof so as to prevent death to the umpire. (since he cant really duck or move out of the way) This would also be the perfect place for sponsors to place their logos, don't u think? (I swear there was this one match where the umpire's back was used to sponsor something. It didn't really look very nice.) Wow now I'm all excited. I should totally patent this idea.
Oh and some other accessories we could provide inside the box for certain umpires named Bucknor (I'm not picking on the man but you have to admit he could use all of these) : ear phones, a hearing aid? binoculars, a telescope? a compass, a diary (so he can write his little notes to be later handed over to the match referee so that someone gets fined at least 50% of their match fee after which he can do his evil laughter and get a good night's sleep). Oh and most important an easy to read flowchart on how lbw's are to be determined.

Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee :)

So last night since there was no Desperate Housewives or Brothers & Sisters or Apprentice on TV (anyone know why?) i decided to watch Bhagam Bhag. (desperate situations call for desperate measures) Anyway the movie as expected was quite terrible but the subtitles kept cracking me up. Honestly they were way funnier than any scene in the movie. So i did what any other bored person would do. I took pictures of these fascinating subtitles. Enjaay maadi!!!

My favourite people [in the blog world] and the things they've said.

Since i can't seem to fall asleep tonight i figured I'd catch up on all my favourite blogs and that's when i came up with this brilliant [okay somewhat brilliant] idea. You know how i recently figured out ["and all by myself" she said very proudly] how to link? Anyway i decided I'm going to use that today [a lot] in this post. I'm going to share with all you lucky reader(s) some of my all time favourite blog posts. Ready? Okay. Lets start with this one. I found this link on some random blog and as soon as i read it i knew i had been missing out on something and so i spent the rest of my workday reading all her archives and by the end of it i was a fan. This next one is by the Great Bong. I absolutely love reading his stuff but what i look forward to most are his Dada posts. He's a huge Dada supporter and as we know i love Dada! I discovered this next blogger very recently and when i read this post for the first time i remember giggling non stop while C from work looked at me like i was insane. Okay this next dude is one of my two favourite bloggers (The other being eM). I couldn't pick my favourite blog entry by him so i picked all of these. This one is so sweet. It made me cry. The next 3 also made me cry [cause i was laughing so hard]. So please to enjoy this one, this one and this one. The next two people i hope will write books some day. Both are super talented with completely different writing styles. I have too many favourite posts by them but ill just have you sample this one and this one.

Let me know what you think okay? Oh and Happy February!!! :)