them boy folk - 1

we're talking boys tonight, mostly because the other boys over at adelaide aren't doing very good. is okay, we still love them. some more than others.

right, so boys. don't gasp. i don't blame you for assuming i am some sort of a nun. lets see i talk tv. i talk clothes. i talk cricket and i talk family and co workers [by now you all know i use talk and bitch interchangeably] but i hardly talk boys which is very sad because i love boys. they're adorable. i mean they can be. they can also be gross and smelly and incredibly stupid. also lame and boring and so full of themselves.

growing up my dad made sure i didn't interact with many boys. make that any boys. the neighbours' kids were different. plus we were just playing cricket and hide and seek. also all the boys in the neighbourhood were incredibly ugly and i think my dad knew i had good taste.

at school we had boys all the way up until the 3rd grade. then just when they were getting horny they kicked them out and for the rest of middle and high school we only had girls. same thing with college. all girls [i'm not complaining or anything, i had the most incredible five years in college. i wouldn't change it for the world]

but clearly dad was doing all he could to ensure my life was boy free but what daddy didn't know is you can meet boys at tuition and at the gym and at summer camp. especially at summer camp [which by the way he only let me go to because it was at an ashram] most importantly though, one can meet boys through friends. and friends of friends. also the internet. yes yes i did that too. twice. both times i made sure i was surrounded by all my friends. in fact it was kind of a joke. so in spite of all his careful planning daddy's little girl did meet a few boys. you can imagine he was pretty shocked when one day he happened to come across a very odd romantic declaration of love from a boy of all things, on the pager he had recently given me. cell phones had just come into existence and i had said i really wanted his old pager because i could get free cricket scores. those things were cool by the way. i'd get an update every five overs. of course i used the pager for things other than cricket scores. typically i didn't save any messages. most were "call me", after all those are what pagers are for. this one message though i had decided to keep because damn it i was sixteen and incredibly silly. also very stupid. the pager had stopped working suddenly so i had given it to daddy to repair. he "repaired" it by putting a new battery in and voila he was greeted by a highly inappropriate message from a boy. there was no way it could've been a mistake or anything because it said:

"dear priya, inappropriate message, love, boy's name"

yeah, i was screwed. that evening dad told me he wanted to have "a talk" with me. i was a little worried. not too worried but worried. he started off by saying he wanted me to tell him everything that i did at college and that i needed to share more about my life. he basically tried to keep the conversation light and casual but "talks" with your dad are never light and casual. either your mother has requested him to address a certain matter or it's something worse. in this case i was sure it was worse. he asked me straight up if i had a boyfriend. i said of course not. do you know any boys? nope. what it be this boy person you spik of? then he mentions the boy's name, just like that. asks if i know such a person. i wanted to die. there were all of these questions in my head. oh god how? he didn't just say his name. how? how? how? did the fool call and introduce himself? did someone see? did he find a card? but those were so beautifully hidden. somehow in the midst of all the confusion in my head i managed to come up with a lie. i said i knew of a boy with this name and that he went to my accounts tuition. this "tuition" by the way was held somewhere in the middle of brigade road!! technically church street but close enough. the only reason i had joined was the location. the only reason anyone had joined was the location. no one actually went. not even to see rohan kurien. [if you've been reading this blog for a while yes, this would be the same boy with the perfectly sharpened pencils who allegedly couldn't kiss]

dad asked if i had given him my number [the imaginary tuition boy. not kurien] and i assumed he meant my house number. i denied it. in my head i'm thinking there's no way he's buying this after all the blank calls he receives. then he tells me about the pager message. this time i almost pass out. i cannot believe he has seen it. i cannot believe this whole conversation has been about it and i cannot believe i was stupid enough to not check the batteries before i decided it was broken!! i tell him this person might have possibly gotten the number from one of my friends but that i didn't know him personally and that i definitely had not given it to him. i'm not sure if i was very convincing but i think my version was the version my dad wanted to hear and so he let it slide and we never talked about it again. thankfully.

we're tired for now. we'll tell you more boy stories soon. if you beg.

***

i just watched 27 dresses and omg it's so adorable. no really. go see it. it's hard to not like. really. god promise. also hot desi boy from 30 rock is in it.

in other boy news i totally let this one dude hug me at the mall. i was in bandolino. just looking. i had gone to get my eyebrows done and i was just visiting bandolino on my way out. i spotted this adorable red clutch and i was carrying an almost identical clutch in my bag, only it was black and shiny and i had bought it a year ago at express. i showed it to the guy at the counter and he was all omg look and he pointed to the other dude who works there and they both stood around gaping at the similarity. they seemed very upset to find out their design wasn't original and that express of all places had made it first. now i don't like upset sales people, especially not at my bandolino so i told the first guy not to worry and that bandolino was wayyyyy cooler and that i loved it. so he came up and hugged me and the other boy went awwwwwww.

that was my weekend action. a hug from a gay boy. did someone say nun?

since apparently artwork is the new black - this post in pictures.