disco will be making a very important announcement within the next 24 hours. watch this space for more.

google chat chat [cause we haven't posted one of those in a while]

my status says "we're thinking drastic career change. yeah. no really."

kg: ah
me: ess?
kg: you're becoming full-time blogger?
me: heh. no
kg: mountain climber?
me: no no
although that would be drastic.
i wouldn't be any good at it
kg: hmmm
you're going to settle down and become homemaker?
me: bwahahahaha
no!
kg: [smile]
then what
me: i would have more success at the rock climbing thing
surely
kg: hehehehe
me: our degree is in marketing
so we want to do advertising
kg: whooo hooooo
me: even if it's hard to get into
because damn it we'll like it
we're sorry we're saying we
we've been saying we for a while now
we cant make it stop
kg: hehehehe
yes, it's quite addictive
me: how does one become an adveritising genius?
i guess it would help if we could spell it correct eh?
advertising
kg: there you go
me: i'm going to spend today googling advertising
and reading up everything there is to know about it
kg: awesome plan
me: don't be mean!!
kg: no
really
me: current job sucks
kg: awww
me: and our wardrobe would work great in advertising
it's totally wasted at current job
kg: hmmm
me: surrounded by boring bankers
i called in sick today
again
i'm so trying to get fired
kg: hehehehe
me: heh
so yeah
that's the plan for today
google advertising
kg: good deal
me: then go get much needed pedicure
and maybe watch juno
there
a day well spent
kg: true

Sent at 11:45 AM on Monday

i'm 24. i need to be inspired and excited about my future. the only way i'll ever work hard is if i'm doing something that excites me. i need your advice because really who else can i ask? my parents??? they're all about the mba and settling down. i'm not settling. i refuse to settle. what am i gold dust?? so talk to me oh wise strangers. i'll be over here. googling advertising.

them boy folk - 1

we're talking boys tonight, mostly because the other boys over at adelaide aren't doing very good. is okay, we still love them. some more than others.

right, so boys. don't gasp. i don't blame you for assuming i am some sort of a nun. lets see i talk tv. i talk clothes. i talk cricket and i talk family and co workers [by now you all know i use talk and bitch interchangeably] but i hardly talk boys which is very sad because i love boys. they're adorable. i mean they can be. they can also be gross and smelly and incredibly stupid. also lame and boring and so full of themselves.

growing up my dad made sure i didn't interact with many boys. make that any boys. the neighbours' kids were different. plus we were just playing cricket and hide and seek. also all the boys in the neighbourhood were incredibly ugly and i think my dad knew i had good taste.

at school we had boys all the way up until the 3rd grade. then just when they were getting horny they kicked them out and for the rest of middle and high school we only had girls. same thing with college. all girls [i'm not complaining or anything, i had the most incredible five years in college. i wouldn't change it for the world]

but clearly dad was doing all he could to ensure my life was boy free but what daddy didn't know is you can meet boys at tuition and at the gym and at summer camp. especially at summer camp [which by the way he only let me go to because it was at an ashram] most importantly though, one can meet boys through friends. and friends of friends. also the internet. yes yes i did that too. twice. both times i made sure i was surrounded by all my friends. in fact it was kind of a joke. so in spite of all his careful planning daddy's little girl did meet a few boys. you can imagine he was pretty shocked when one day he happened to come across a very odd romantic declaration of love from a boy of all things, on the pager he had recently given me. cell phones had just come into existence and i had said i really wanted his old pager because i could get free cricket scores. those things were cool by the way. i'd get an update every five overs. of course i used the pager for things other than cricket scores. typically i didn't save any messages. most were "call me", after all those are what pagers are for. this one message though i had decided to keep because damn it i was sixteen and incredibly silly. also very stupid. the pager had stopped working suddenly so i had given it to daddy to repair. he "repaired" it by putting a new battery in and voila he was greeted by a highly inappropriate message from a boy. there was no way it could've been a mistake or anything because it said:

"dear priya, inappropriate message, love, boy's name"

yeah, i was screwed. that evening dad told me he wanted to have "a talk" with me. i was a little worried. not too worried but worried. he started off by saying he wanted me to tell him everything that i did at college and that i needed to share more about my life. he basically tried to keep the conversation light and casual but "talks" with your dad are never light and casual. either your mother has requested him to address a certain matter or it's something worse. in this case i was sure it was worse. he asked me straight up if i had a boyfriend. i said of course not. do you know any boys? nope. what it be this boy person you spik of? then he mentions the boy's name, just like that. asks if i know such a person. i wanted to die. there were all of these questions in my head. oh god how? he didn't just say his name. how? how? how? did the fool call and introduce himself? did someone see? did he find a card? but those were so beautifully hidden. somehow in the midst of all the confusion in my head i managed to come up with a lie. i said i knew of a boy with this name and that he went to my accounts tuition. this "tuition" by the way was held somewhere in the middle of brigade road!! technically church street but close enough. the only reason i had joined was the location. the only reason anyone had joined was the location. no one actually went. not even to see rohan kurien. [if you've been reading this blog for a while yes, this would be the same boy with the perfectly sharpened pencils who allegedly couldn't kiss]

dad asked if i had given him my number [the imaginary tuition boy. not kurien] and i assumed he meant my house number. i denied it. in my head i'm thinking there's no way he's buying this after all the blank calls he receives. then he tells me about the pager message. this time i almost pass out. i cannot believe he has seen it. i cannot believe this whole conversation has been about it and i cannot believe i was stupid enough to not check the batteries before i decided it was broken!! i tell him this person might have possibly gotten the number from one of my friends but that i didn't know him personally and that i definitely had not given it to him. i'm not sure if i was very convincing but i think my version was the version my dad wanted to hear and so he let it slide and we never talked about it again. thankfully.

we're tired for now. we'll tell you more boy stories soon. if you beg.

***

i just watched 27 dresses and omg it's so adorable. no really. go see it. it's hard to not like. really. god promise. also hot desi boy from 30 rock is in it.

in other boy news i totally let this one dude hug me at the mall. i was in bandolino. just looking. i had gone to get my eyebrows done and i was just visiting bandolino on my way out. i spotted this adorable red clutch and i was carrying an almost identical clutch in my bag, only it was black and shiny and i had bought it a year ago at express. i showed it to the guy at the counter and he was all omg look and he pointed to the other dude who works there and they both stood around gaping at the similarity. they seemed very upset to find out their design wasn't original and that express of all places had made it first. now i don't like upset sales people, especially not at my bandolino so i told the first guy not to worry and that bandolino was wayyyyy cooler and that i loved it. so he came up and hugged me and the other boy went awwwwwww.

that was my weekend action. a hug from a gay boy. did someone say nun?

since apparently artwork is the new black - this post in pictures.

how can you not love the adelaide oval? it was even good to agarkar! plus what other cricket ground has such pretty pink tents?

we'll be quick with the advice today: drop jaffer. pick bhajji. send irfi to open with veeru. i'm not even kidding. we've picked worse openers this series. remember boring and boring-er? [read: dravid and jaffer] so until someone is smart enough to pick akash chopra in the team or give that poor karthik boy a chance i say open with pathan and veeru as crazy as it may sound.

also win the toss and bat first. we'll square the series.

if the wonderful people in calcutta praying for dada would so kindly do an extra pujo so we could win that damn toss it would be great. and also one for hayden. we could do without him in the team.

adelaide here we come!!!!!!

p.s. how awesome would this look on a tee?

i don't know how many of you watched that test we played in adelaide what three? four years ago? i was a little kid in college back then and very excited about the whole series especially after we had managed to not lose the first test in brisbane, you know the one where dada made that hundred. we like to point things out like that in case you haven't noticed. anyway one of the reasons i was super excited about the adelaide test was irfan pathan. now no one had heard of him back then. he was 19 and the only reason he was picked was because he had recently taken 9 wickets in an under 19 game against pakistan. i had heard of pathan. in fact i sort of knew him. ahem. long story. but you know what we're in the mood to share today so we're sharing. i would go grab a drink or something if i were you. this will take a while.

okay this is sort of embarrassing. the team was in bangalore for a really long conditioning camp and when i say team i mean like the 30 probables. so the team + a bunch of other lame kids we weren't interested in. they were staying at the ashoka and we [my silly friends and i] decided we simply had to go check them out. i remember telling my dad i was going to go to the ashoka for breakfast that morning. he thought i was crazy.

"pa, autograph from dada"

"oho! that also. okay go go. who all are going? oh full claasa?"

he seemed convinced since i told him the entire class was going. of course i meant me, soupie [who ended up not coming for some reason] kb, pooja and two other random girls from the hostel who tagged along for some reason ruining many pictures. we woke up super early and showed up at ashoka all ready to order breakfast only they wouldn't let us eat breakfast.

"this section is bookaad for team india"

we of course pretended to be very offended that they wouldn't let us eat breakfast in that section. "what team???" they didn't buy it but they did say we could order beverages and hang out at this seating area pretty close to the reserved breakfast area so we decided to sit around and drink coffee and one by one we started to see familiar faces. i ran up and took a picture with kumble. even one with parthiv patel who looked twelve. [whatever happened to him? even he did better as a makeshift opener than whatshisface?] we ignored the people we didn't know or weren't interested in and there were quite a few we didn't know. then we saw the bus outside. bhajji was sitting in there by himself for some reason. just him and the door closer guy. we figured that would be a good place to stand since everyone we wanted to see would eventually have to get into the bus to get to chinnaswamy stadium. we stood about giggling and pointing at bhajji and which point he got down and started making conversation with us. we felt obligated to take a picture with him so we did but he now decided we were friends. then someone asked him about this one srilankan girl from the hostel he used to date and he was like omg you'll know her? where is she and all of that. we were very amused of course. a few other players had arrived but we still hadn't spotted zak so we asked bhajji where he was. he wanted to know why we were waiting for zak. someone said something about wanting to take a picture with him. right then this super cute kid came along and bhajji was like "iske saath photo khicho na. yeh zaheer ka chota bhai hai". we weren't impressed of course but the kid stood around grinning for a while before he went and took a seat in the bus. we heard some uncle jee type say his name was irfan pathan khan jr which we thought was hilarious. we asked if there was an irfan pathan senior. turns out there was and it was not his dad. anyway then we saw dada and zak and agarkar and rohan gavaskar. we got the door opener guy to take pictures for us and he took good pictures too. ill never forget meeting dada. he was clearly in a hurry. he walked in with a piece of toast in his hand and a newspaper and got onto the bus. when we asked him for a picture though he got out of the bus and stood around while we giggled. technically kb and pooja giggled. i stood there gaping. i mean it was dada and he had gotten off the bus for us, even though he was late. then the bus left. we followed them for a bit. like all the way up to the stadium. we even went inside. heh. the watchman later told us he thought we were part of the team since we were right behind them and we were driving pooja's dad's car which made us look important. anyway they kicked us out. see i told you this was an embarrassing story but wait it only gets worse. we decided zak was way too hot in person and something should be done about it. we figured if we called irfi and made friends with him he might be able to introduce us to zak and yuvi [ahem this was soupie's idea not mine, the yuvi part that is]

we practiced our best sports journalist voice, came up with a magazine, a fake name, an accent and a speech and we called the hotel and asked for mr irfan pathan jr. it was hard to say the whole name without giggling. i didn't know what we expected but we must have sounded believable because they connected us to his room right away and the boy picked up and asked who we were. soupie and me were on two different extensions talking at the same time. she told him we had come to ashoka the previous day and he said he remembered the girl in the blue striped shirt. it didnt take us long to realise he couldn't talk much english so we switched to hindi. i don't know which was worse but we talked for a while. we asked him how old he was. soupie almost fell off the bed laughing when he said 18. i mean we did not think he would be younger than us. we weren't much older then but still. she asked if it was his first time in bangalore and what he planned to do. he wanted to go watch koi mil gaya. yes that movie with little daroo or whatever the hell that blue alien was called. soupie gave him her cell phone number and we hung up. of course we called kb right away and repeated the entire conversation. kb decided she wanted to marry him and started picking out names for their kids. 'pari pathan' if it was a girl!

a few days later someone called and asked for a 'soutee'. it was irfi. we were like wow this boy obviously has no friends in the team or he wouldn't be calling us. we talked again. some three or four times. we told him we would take him shopping if he wanted to buy "bangalore clothes" for his sister. i don't know whose bright idea this was. of course back then we had no idea he lived in a mosque with his family. his sister probably didn't need the "bangalore clothes". he was super sweet the whole time and very talkative. when asked what he liked to do he said "i like to roam laddat" very endearing. very funny. he wasn't the least bit offended that we knew absolutely nothing about him. i mean we had to ask him if he was a batsman or a bowler!! he said all rounder y'all. heh. soupie decided he was the kid brother she'd never had. kb still wanted to marry him. i was undecided on this matter. i mean the boy was very cute. then one day he called at some 5:30 and asked if we'd all go with him and "his friends" to watch "koi mil gaya" and here's the sad part. back then none of us could go anywhere that late in the evening.,not unless it was someone's birthday or we had made up someone's birthday and had asked for permission weeks in advance. so we didn't go.

i know!!

but he didnt mind. he was still being super sweet. he gave us tickets to the india a vs india b vs india c matches which we went for. it was during college hours so it worked! we cheered for irfi. people around us seemed surprised that this young kid had so much support. we visited him one last time at le meridian. bought him coffee or something and hung out. he was very shy. this was also where we saw cut piece nehra eating like a bakasura at the buffet table and vvs asking the waiter for an apple which the waiter proceeded to throw to him which he caught perfectly, the good slip fielder that he is [dont gasp. i will remove drishti right away] and went on to polish and eat looking super hot the whole time. also bhajji showed up in some ridiculous outfit [pointy shoes, zari and all] out of nowhere, from shooting an ad we later found out, which prompted delhi hottie amit bhandarkar [the boy had such pretty teeth] from saying "abe yaar bhajji, tu shooting pe gaya ya shaadi pe?" much to his embarrassment. and then there was dada who showed up for lunch and saw us and did this half bow type acknowledgment which made me want to cry. "and they call him arrogant!" i remember saying to no one in particular.

later that month they announced the team for the home series against new zealand. irfi didn't figure. we were very upset. he had bowled well in the challenger series. this was the same india a vs india b series. he had even taken his captain's wicket. we were sure dada would pick someone who was good enough to get him out. anyway as fate would have it he didn't play against nz [thankfully because that series was a disaster] instead he played the under nineteen series against pakistan. i don't think it was a world cup but im not sure. anyway he did really well and took nine wickets in this one game after which they picked him to go to australia. we were super happy. our little friend was going to australia. this was huge.

the day of the adelaide test i remember waking up really early. i loved greg chappel back then. as a commentator. wahat? he said nice things about dada. and bhogle and sunny of course. i woke up early enough [we're talking like 4:30 or 5 am] to listen to all the analysis before the game. i remember cheering for irfi and him taking the first wicket. hayden i think it was. his first wicket and the first wicket of the match. i yelled loud enough for my dad to wake up. he was like what's with all the yelling at 6 am and eventually joined me with his lime juice and honey. i still can't believe people drink that every morning. it's gross. anyway we went on to win that historic game. we bunked class throughout that series. we'd watch as much as possible at home before our parents kicked us out of the house. the "pa today 10 o'clock class has been canceled, again" works only that many times. then we'd meet up at the college drive and go to coffee day which would open at eleven. sometimes at 10:45 just for us. we'd be standing outside trying to get a glimpse of the tv screen like those random people at tv shops and they'd feel bad for us and let us in. also they had this lame rule that they could only play music from their jukebox so we had to watch the games without commentary. eventually we convinced all the waiters to turn the damn music off and switch on the commentary. for the last day of the test however we wanted to be comfortable. we went to bangalore club and sat around like retired old unclejees in the middle of the afternoon ordering chicken kababs and watching cricket. we were eventually joined by a few old unclejees. heh. it was much fun and of course we won and my jammy played beautifully. oh how i miss the old jammy. the one i liked so much. and then they had to go and make him captain!

so this is why adelaide is so special to me. it represents all of these wonderful things. most importantly winning.

of course the only negative thing to came out of that match was agarkar now had a 3 yr permanent place in the side just because he took those 6 wickets that day.

what clothes can do to you

so i spotted three different desi actors on cashmere mafia today. of course one was named raj. seriously. wtf is with that? i'm trying to remember a raj i have known in my life and i cant because i haven't. raj kapoor maybe or raj kumar but no one i've actually known in person. i mean it's not that common so why is every single desi person on american tv named that? and where did they get the zjha sound from? like raazjha? anyway i am totally in love with the show. and the makeup and the jewelery and the wardrobe. oh my god the wardrobe.

in other non tv news, i was a bad girl this weekend. um if you're a straight dude this next part might be kinda boring. if you're a girl who thinks fashion is lame and overrated i would stop reading too. everyone else and all the 8 gay boys who read my blog continue reading. so like i was saying i was a very bad girl. i went to the galleria which is like fashion heaven on earth. i figured after being in houston 5 months it was time i checked it out. i had been told it was beautiful but oh my god i had no idea. i entered around one o'clock and left at 9. thats 8 hours of non stop shopping and i barely covered 20% of the mall. it was so fabulous it didn't even feel real. at one point i felt dizzy, then i realised i hadn't eaten all day so i stopped for ten minutes which was when i realised my feet were killing me but i didn't have time to think, i had to get back to shopping, more like scoping everything out. taking it all in. sighing deeply when i saw things i couldn't possibly afford like that beautiful bag at saks. we had our moment though. i touched it and laid it back ever so gently. the whole experience of going to saks was special. it was my first time so i walked around all wide eyed with a stupid grin on my face. i'd gasp or moan everytime i saw something stunning or make a sad face everytime i saw a price tag. i couldn't walk out of there empty handed though so i picked up one silk red flowly top that i found on some sale rack. i have no idea what i could wear it with or where even but like i said i couldn't leave that store empty handed. it wouldn't have been right.

the discoveries of the day for me were max studio and this store called zara. zara i'd never heard of before. they have designer styles at regular prices which is totally okay with me. they're not forever twenty one prices but they're not crazy expensive either. max studio has some breathtakingly beautiful blouses and dresses. i mean it's like art or something. so pretty. very detailed. very delicate. a leetle more than what you'd pay at target. okay they're kinda expensive but hey they had sales. on some of their stuff. anyway overall totally doable without breaking the bank. if you buy thirteen pieces however you're kinda screwed. just saying. not that i know anyone who did.

also the steve madden store is pretty decent. i've never been a big fan but this time they had some cute styles. see this is why you must always check.
you know, the cool part about big malls is even their department stores are bigger. for example the nordstorms here is way bigger than the one in colorado. like twice as big. three floors! so is the banana republic store. it has stuff i haven't even seen online.

now to make you jealous here's three shirts i bought.

i cant find pictures for the others and that zara place has a vague website but you cant see all the clothes. also it wont let you buy stuff. max studio will. do check it out. click blouses/shirts and be blown away. be warned though, i'm not responsible for any emotional trauma that website may cause you.

oh yeah and that michael kors tunic is totally see through. heh. oh well. it's not like i'm going to wear it to work.
















p.s. coming soon to sicrit blog: long juicy post on the hilarity and lameness in being a guest contributer on this um one website.

perth - day 3

on a day when the big guys went for nothing it was so great to see our young pace bowlers out there showing all this courage with the bat. i'm so proud of especially r.p.singh. irfi we always knew could bat. now if only they can keep this confidence and bowl out austalia. tomorrow will be fun. i cant wait. and yay the 400 just came up. the lead that is. omg and ishanth sharma just hit a four, of the first ball he faced!

1 down. 9 to go.

2 down. 8 to go.

3 down. 7 to go :)

4 down. 6 to go.

5 down. OMG Symonds! 5 to go.

6 down. 4 to go. Thank god for veeru. This wicket was so so crucial.

7 down. 3 to go.

8 down. 2 to go. heeeheeee.

9 down. FINAFUCKINGLY! oh god. thank god. sigh. breathe. 1 to go.

woooooooooooo hooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo we won!!!!! this is so special. and the next stop is adelaide. we love adelaide. it's pink and we win there. heh bhajji is jumping on random people. oh god not on sharma. that bag of bones can barely stand on his own. how many times has he fallen during this match? while batting, while bowling, while fielding in the wind.

yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy i love my team!!! muah muah.

we hereby declare a 3 day celebration period.

good nite. thanks for playing almostinfamous. heh.

where we tell you what to eat and what to watch because really who else will do this for you?

omg i have totally discovered the awesomest food combination ever! peanuts and mushroom. not like plain or raw but like mixed in with good chinese food. here's how the discovery happened. i came home to discover mother hadn't cooked. she refuses to talk to me. apparently she's been mad at me all week. who knew? so i call the new chinese food place who just yesterday had dropped off some menus at my door. it's like it was fate or something. i order kung pao chicken and black pepper chicken and then i do the whole can you make it really really spicy. then i do the lie. one must alway lie about having ordered the same exact dish the previous week. say how you were very upset because it wasn't even close to being spicy and go on and on until the person taking the order is insulted enough to make sure the chef pours all kinds of peppers and sauce all over your food. works every time. so having accomplished my mission i wait. for forty five minutes! i know. like it's freakin 1964. i almost didn't tip but then the man at the door was freezing and he was like i'm so sorry and he had this adorable chinese mustache all droopy on the sides and how often do you get to see real live people like that at your door so i tipped and then the magic happened. some of the mushrooms from the black pepper chicken got mixed with the peanuts from the kung pao chicken and oh my god it was incredible. if you cant cook to save your life and your mother or who ever you depend on for food wont talk to you, you know what to do. and no you cant order it without the chicken. black pepper vegetable is not the same thing and we're animal friendly on this blog. see fish on right for proof. by the way that website i use to kill and order new discos is being a bitch so until i'm able to figure out whats wrong we're stuck with fasting disco. don't be sad now.

now that we've discussed food we need to talk tv. this new show cashmere mafia. have you seen it? do you love it? they're calling it the new sex in the city. i don't think it's sex in the the city at all. i've never been very big on sex in the city. get it? big? i always thought he was very gross plus that sjp is kinda like kathy griffin, without the funny. anyway lucy liu is in cashmere mafia and we heart her. she's fabulous. no really. lucy liu, kimora lee simmons, stacy london and kate walsh [from before they kicked her off grey's anatomy] should be in some sort of fabulousity club. ill watch any show these women are in, especially to see what they're wearing. alright i have to go watch our boys kick ass in perth. muah.

it makes the work day go by so much faster when you know you can go home to cricket :)

it's cricket time again yay! if you're not into it i would probably skip this blog for the next five days. err make that two and a half days. it's perth.

for everyone else:

yay veeru's in! and we finally won a toss. and we're batting first??? at perth? oh dear. it's so sad that our pace line up starts and stops with ishanth sharma and r.p.singh especially on this sort of a wicket. where's my zak and irfi and sreesanth? sniff. also why is that jaffer still in the team? what is karthik for? oh i know, he's for when dhoni has a bad hair day. also we're thrilled that bucknor was sent packing but in his place we have another one of our favourite umpires 'asad rauf'. ugh! ooh and good sense has prevailed and kumble has supposedly scrapped the "captain's pact" or whatever the hell that nonsense deal was called. thank god!

anyway i was just talking to superstarska and we were both ranting about the timing of the third test. not that it came after the second or that the break was too long but that it starts so bloody late. anyway i was like remember last time in perth when irfi broke that poor zimbabwean kid's head and he was like wait, you don't mean the same guy who went on to burn down the building and i was like boy what the hell are you talking about which is when he showed me this and OMG! i had no idea. i mean i remember that incident happening. irfi was brand new and trying to show off in front of his idol wasim akram who happened to be in the espn - star commentary team back then and was very sweetly helping young irfi. i cant believe that one incident led to all of this other weird stuff. it says and i quote:

"Mark Vermeulen's life and career changed forever on January 20, 2004, when he was struck a sickening blow on the head by Irfan Pathan during Zimbabwe's VB Series campaign in Australia. Two-and-a-half erratic years later, in October 2006, he was arrested after setting fire to the offices of the Harare Sports Club and the National Academy, but pleaded not guilty at his subsequent trial in January 2008, on the grounds that he had been suffering psychiatric problems, including partial complex epilepsy, ever since the injury."

edited at 1:11 - turns out irfi is playing. my bad.

dayum! a whole entire session without a wicket? fabulous! jammy must've taken some sort of birthday vow.

err does anyone know why bhajji is sitting on some random man's lap? who is this random man and why is he being allowed into the dressing room?

this has got to be the shot of the day. so easy. so much fun!



day 2: we're very disappointed with the batting. as usual it's the case of what could have been but cut to us fielding and woooo hoooo!!! go irfi. go irfi. go irfi!

heh the umpire just called ponting a good "hooker". heh. yes i'm bored. the boys must've had a good lunch. they're lazying around the useless fools.

three questions

1. who is that little man in the pony tail with the bulging muscles in them bermuda shorts and why is he in every single infomercial? and why is he jumping? how is it possible that this man sells everything from fifteen minute miracle gym equipment to two second sandwich makers to magic vacuum cleaners to lawn mowers to crosses between vacuum cleaners and lawn mowers to robots and the roombah and the voombah and barbie hair clips? how? why? how do i get that job? i will not wear bermuda shorts. i will not display bulging muscles. i will rock the pony tail though, if it is a requirement but most importantly, i will not be that annoying. and i will not pretend to be that excited. nobody buys the excitement. nobody can possibly be so into so many useless things that are going to end up in your garage anyway at the same. especially not when you're pimping 400 other "best deals" on the side. no sir. it is time for your jumpy self to retire. talking about pimping i need to pimp this new website by the super talented and very cute shalin shodhan. go see. NOW!

2. who takes time out of their daily routines to sit down and make and then mass forward those damn electronic greeting cards with the music and the slide show and all the lame poetry? i don't know who makes them and i don't know who sends them but i sure know who reads them. my mother. on my laptop! every evening. and she'll watch the whole thing too. in fact she'll watch a few seconds extra. just to make sure it has actually ended. today i watched too, in between painting my nails and it was so ridiculously long i was sure it was a joke. but mother apparently liked it. enough to forward it to all the people in her address book. i am so spam-foldering her. she and gaysin. him with the dancing alien and her with the stupid musical slide shows. and what is the occasion? i mean say it was her birthday or mother's day or something, sure i would get it. not really but at least that would have been an occasion. this is just a waste of time. what happened to planning kitty parties and knitting? good old knitting in pink and blue or yellow just in case the neighbour's daughter in law had a hermaphrodite infant. why this new obsession with technology aunties?

3. what makes women think it's okay to share with me intimate details about their period? i barely know these women. we might work for the same company and we might have the same body parts but that does not make it okay for them to inform me of their period. i don't need to know that you have it or what day it is or how heavy or why you just made that face. or what it does to your body. i don't need to know. when you say period and i look away or make my 'i'm concentrating real hard on this paperwork' face it means i don't want to listen so take your damn body fluid situation to someone else. preferably in the next room.

okay who's ready for perth?

hand me my cough syrup

we're very upset.

for one we have been very very sick. we don't ever do sick which is why we don't know how. is very sad i tell you. there was lots of sleeping though, which we're good at and the skipping work part was fun. we could do more of that. it was the visit to the doctor and the medicine taking and the coughing that we didn't like. plus after all this time at home going back to work tomorrow will suck. to make us feel better and help face the world again we went out shopping and bought some pretty shoes.

you like? the pink ones are pinker in person and the beige calvin klein's are super sleek. they look kind of dowdy here. we also bought some j'adore to take away the patient smell. we're strange. we used to hate j'adore. now all of a sudden we love it. is pretty.
the other reason we're very upset - the canceled golden globes. how dare they take away the red carpet? sniff. we know that would have made us feel better.

p.s. just because they're showing a movie called 'does your soul have a cold?' and you think it sounds very cool, plus you do have a cold and you think it will be apt to watch it DON'T! DO NOT FALL FOR IT. DO NOT BE TEMPTED TO WATCH. you've been warned.

alright we're going to go see if we can convince mother to make us some payasa now.

p.p.s. you know it's time to block-sender family members when they email you a picture of a terrible looking dancing alien followed by this in really large letters "ATTENTION. ALIENS ARE COMING TO ABDUCT ALL THE GOOD LOOKING AND SEXY PEOPLE. YOU WILL BE SAFE, I'M JUST EMAILING TO SAY GOODBYE." what are we twelve? i have got to set gaysin up with somebody! clearly the boy has way too much time on his hands.

We've been sick. cough cough. so no updates here. however on the sicrit blog we are very excited to have guest bloggers Baby Vaijayanti and Puppy Manohar do Bosey.co. Do enjoy!

p.s. drink lotsa orange juice. this flu will kill you.

where i resort to live blogging or whateveritis since my dad isn't here to eat boiled kadalekai and curse with me.

declare already bitch!!

forty minutes later: right so 400 isn't enough. but apparently 401 is. 2 overs before lunch you give us? well you're just a pain in the ass aren't you?

oh look we're still going to open with boring and boringer. fabulous!

ha! boring thinks this is a good time to run three. we never run three but now just for the fun of it LET'S so boring-er who has scored all of 0.005 runs this series can face brett lee.

and lookey the fool has knicked it. i'm not too worried though. there was no way he was going to take us to victory anyway. also this way we know for sure he wont be playing the next match. 4 innings is what it takes to drop a fool. not 2 but 4. just like 400 and 401. big difference! will someone please send aakash chopra on the next flight to perth?

and vvs has survived.

and lunch.

during the last world cup finals [not 2007, that one we have chosen to forget for health and world peace reasons] when india needed to chase 360 for victory anil kumble supposedly said something of this nature to his team mates - if we can score just one boundary an over, the asking rate will then drop to a very gettable 3 point something. if the man is half as optimistic today, as captain, he will decide to go for victory. plus there have been umpteen number of times when we have tried to save a match and lost anyway. i say go for it.

they're doing the oye oye cheer again which i quite like. hopefully it will catch on everywhere. it sure beats "jeetaga bhai jeetega"

yes yes appeal away. we all know bucknor has no problem giving an lbw decision especially against india. i'm allowed to be bitter here. my favourite batsman just got out, which brings sachin in. why all the cheer only for sachin? dravid, sachin, vvs and dada are pretty much all the same age. kumble's even older. if this is sachin's last match at the scg, chances are it's their last match too. i don't get what all the fuss is about.

and symonds who's standing at first slip [not his usual position] has dropped boring. we're surprised the umpire didnt give it out anyway. yep, still bitter.

and by now it's quite evident we're not going for a win. what a shocker! if you're watching this in india you'll probably hear lots of 'well left' s from gavaskar which in turn will make bhogle giggle. oh how i miss you espn star sports. you made everything better. sniff.

aah bowled! my most favourite way to watch someone get out. NOT!

start praying nation!!

we've survived till tea.

more praying please!

and just as everyone has settled down and started to actually enjoy the cricket fucknor decides just for fun to raise his finger. boring has to walk off. we're not sure if fucknor gave that out lbw or caught behind. i don't think we'll ever know. and then even before boring gets a chance to settle down in his seat and have a good cry or laugh [he was last seen shaking his head and laughing like a mad man. can you blame him?] yuvraj joins him.

the commentator makes a good observation. he notices symonds patting fucknor's back at the end of the over and remarks "well i'm not surprised there. those two have had a good combination going this game". let's see, when he's batting we don't give it out. not at appeal one which was out. or two which was also out. or three which was oh yeah also out. when he bowls however we will give every appeal however random out.

deep breath.

and now they've given dada out. dada doesn't plan on going anywhere. the square leg umpire looks at ponting who raises his finger and apparently if ponting says it's out it simply must be out! hmmm very interesting since earlier today ponting appealed for a ball that maybe touched dhoni's glove that he then went on catch only to bang in straight back on the ground before appealing. not that bucknor with his wonderful eyesight could have caught any of it. right so the same ponting now claims this delivery was caught cleanly as well. the second umpire raises his finger. dada doesn't look convinced. he hangs around for a couple more minutes before he finally walks. we're stunned. the phone rings. it's kb!

"pri! guess where im calling you from?"

"um bangalore? chickmanglur?"

"no no. airlines hotel. i've ordered idli, maddur vada, kaapi. and soupie's favourite old man waiter is here."

this was all i needed to hear to burst into tears.

"kb! match nodthidiya?"

"aa aa en aaythu?"

"thu aa bevarsi bucknor innu satthogilla kb"

"innu satthogilvaa??? oh god!"


now we wait....

and drinks. fifteen overs to go. please god.

dhoni doesnt offer the shot. symonds is the bowler. bucknor raises his finger.

ten more to go. please god!

3 more overs. maybe 4. this is nerve wracking. we have faith though. our captain is truly playing a captain's innings. just a little more to go. fight kumble fight.

now?????? now?? bhajji is out! omg! closes eyes.
and r.p.singh is out first ball!

sharma's in next. the boy can barely stand straight. please god please!!!!!!!

this blog will be taking a break for a while.

thank you for playing.

why mother has given up on me

things to do this weekend: laundry

things to do last weekend: laundry

ran out of undergarments. purchased new undergarments [wahat? target is cheap. also they have cute underwear. if you look.] ran out of new undergarments. do people still say undergarments?

It's why we watch test cricket.

sigh.

Not to worry. I have removed drishti already.

Now wanting guest bloggers

As you know [or don't know] we have a new sicrit blog that will provide you with links to the most terrible blog posts in the blogosphere. However just for the heck of it [and also because tgfi insisted] we will occasionally have original posts spoofing well known bloggers. We are looking for volunteers willing to do said spoofing. The first spoof on blogger Krish Attack by Bikerdude is up.

Thank You,

The management and disco.

"Oh and he's hit that one really hard. He's nearly taken Umpire Bucknor with it". NEARLY being the key word.

i like:

that the outfield looks nice and quick in sydney. the slow outfield really hurt us at the mcg, especially since there is no such thing as converting a two into a three or a four in our team.

that bhajji has his confidence back. [anyone who's smart enough to say this deserves all those wickets. in case you missed it bhajji when asked what his secret was against ponting said "He hasn't batted long enough against me, so I don't know." Ooh snap!

that the pitch has some sort of life in it. in fact, so far it looks like a beautiful wicket to bat on. i cant wait to watch dada and vvs bat on it.

australia is six down already in spite of the fact that kumble has only bowled some two overs!

that there's plenty of banter around the wicket. always a good sign.

they're singing "oye oye" in the stands.


i don't like:

the fact that the umpire that's not bucknor also happens to be deaf. two wrong decisions already. not really complaining about the second wrong one. we hate ponting muchly.

the fact that bucknor's on the field. this has always been abshagun for us. especially when we're starting a new year. eesh!

that we're going to have to bat last. or not. hopefully not.

that we're sticking to our makeshift opening combo of boring and boring-er. veeru and karthik in the middle please!! we need some positivity.

that dravid and vvs are fielding on the boundary line??

that symonds is still at the crease and his bat is making all the right kind of sounds [wrong for us]


im confused:

about that tall awkward looking thing with the longish hair and the scary eyes. i've never seen it bowl before. wat it be?

edited at 10:47pm: my bad! i forgot to include the bastard third umpire in my list of 'don't likes'. how many times does symonds have to get out today before he's actually given out? anyone?

edited at 11:43pm: what is with the damn falling snowflake that has infested so many wordpress blogs? the first time i saw one i though i was losing my mind. Now it's everywhere. Does this bother anyone else?