in reference to the previous post

i asked for artwork on mrs.keller and i received one entry. so far you're winning bikerdude.




at everyone else: does disco's blessing mean nothing to you people??

people i see - who keep me muchly amused thereby making my tuesday a little more bearable

mrs. keller - the first thing you need to know about her is that she's borderline loony. she owns some type of small business and drops in every week demanding we do all kinds of things for her. typically you can tell she has arrived even before she gets in the building because of her asthma inducing perfume, one she clearly dunks herself into before leaving the house, or the loony bin.

mrs. keller also makes it a point to pay tribute to african art every single day with her display of human bone jewellery. i cant really tell if it is human bone, it could be anything. talking about human bone there's this creepy family story i just recently found out. something about my grandmother insisting she be buried in my grandfather's grave and my mother insisting her last wishes be followed even though enough time hadn't passed since my grandfather had died. apparently they found some bones when they dug up the grave, some of which my brothers and cousins picked up and tossed around until the adults realised what was happening. true story.

back to mrs. keller, the first time i saw her i was instantly reminded of cruella de ville from 101 dalmations. it wasnt just the crazy nails or the overdone makeup, it was her hair. she has bits of white hair and yellow hair and then really really black hair dyed at the bottom and towards the edges in this asymmetric cut. yes, it's hideous. she should be on tv this one. what i saw today though makes the entire situation much much funnier. turns out mrs. keller has an assistant. an apprentice if you will who just happens to have the exact same crazy hair as her boss. im talking the same shape, the same colour! i couldn't believe it. how can they possibly make public appearances together? but they do, like today and it made my tuesday afternoon muchos funos.

coming up next : im doing your tag. yes, for all you fools who wont stop tagging me. rolls eyes, puts on glasses. leaves the room.

p.s. anyone wants to attempt to draw her? will give you prize. and blessings from disco.

do not take offence to the lack of title. is that even gramatically correct?

raise your hand if you think the dp poll is lame:

A: me

B: me too

C: i find the whole thing incredibly lame but super entertaining

D: dont know/cant say

E: what's for lunch?

F: damn that falstaff likes to argue

G: all of the above


p.s. happy oscar day! oh and dont forget to look out for mysterious woman in saree walking around aimlessly in the background while some celebrity is being fashion policed on the red carpet. i have spotted her every year for the past three years. it's like a ritual now.

places i go

guess where i was last night? at a political rally. i know!!! but this one was actually fun. and i got to see obama. he looked totally hot on the big screen tv but from where i was sitting some 10 feet away he looked like an ant. anyway i have decided that his smile reminds me of nelson mandela and just for that i think he deserves a hundred delegates.

here's what i really went to see at the rally: women fainting all over the place and celebrities.

i got nothing. there were a couple of television reporters i didnt recognise. they waved to the crowds and some guy behind me said "oh look it's that fool from channel 13 news" and that's how i knew.

i was most disappointed though about the lack of fainting women. every time obama said something i would scan the crowd but no fainting. just lots of dancing and "obama i love you's" and "yes we can's".

before obama came on we were forced to listen to this b grade band in their glittery sequined shirts. they were absolutely terrible and were quite rightly being ignored. then finally they lit up the entire stadium and played the will i am song on the big screen and the crowd rose to their feet and started singing. people were crying and waving their arms. total paisa vasool!! then everyone thought they saw obama so they started screaming but as the boy behind me pointed out it was just some white dude.

then obama finally appeared just as they announced that he had won the wisconsin primary. at that point it felt like an earthquake. twenty thousand people jumping up and down in the same room can do that. every word he said was greeted with applause and more screaming and "amen's" and "hell yeah's". i swear this black woman two rows down was in some sort of trance. she kept waving her arms and making moaning noises. she was my primary candidate for fainting but the bitch kept going. anyway the two and a half hour wait was totally worth it. he said his stuff and then they played 'i'm a survivor' by destiny's child and we were done.

oh and it only took me an hour to get out of the damn parking garage. but it was still totally worth it. i'm sure i stuck out like a sore thumb. people must have assumed i was hispanic or something and i was the only hispanic person i saw, so there.

overheard at the obama concert err rally:

woman with large ass trying not to step on people's toes while she attempted to walk out of the crowded aisle: pardon my backside to you sir. sir pardon my backside.

girl 1: you see that nigger over there in the green shirt with the cap?
girl 2: yeah.
girl 1: i was dating him last week. he stoopid.
girl 2: mm mmm mmmm he is fine!
girl 1: girl shut your mouth. did you not hear what i just said? he stoopid.

at the concession stand: will you hold my place while i go pee? i cannot have a full bladder when barrack starts speaking.

at concession stand: 4 dollars for water?? when obama is president he will bust your ass. YES WE CAN!

this one gets disco all smiley

you know that 'pehli nazar mein' song from that race movie, the one everyone's in love with. well i'm in love with it now. it's hard not to love especially with atif aslam's dreamy voice. it would have been a perfect song except for the cheesy english lines thrown in. who decides to add "baby i love youuuuuuu, oh i love you sooooo" in the middle of a hindi song? the other thing that's annoying me now that i've listened to it so many times is the 'meri baahon mein aa' part. aslam seems to suddenly develop an accent here so the 'baaaa' part totally makes him sound like a goat. pay attention next time. i'm currently listening to it while watching the match. the australian commentary is so bad and so one sided i cant bear to listen to it anymore. and the song is fun background music to the pretty boundaries. except for just now when two batsmen got out during the same verse then it wasn't very fun. ugh! it's 200 damn runs. wtf is wrong with you? damn it. you're upsetting disco. is okay beta. i'll play the song again for you. close your eyes and listen to it. cricket can be a scary game and you know how i feel about mouth to mouth.

happy hort dina

alright so it's hort dina and to celebrate i will be declaring my deepest loww for five special bloggers all of whom i have major crushes on.

1. bm aka otp. she knows i hort her.

2. tanmay sahay. i mean come on. the boy is totally dreamy.

3. bikerdoddanna. yes yes everyone's in love with him. he knows too.

4. atp: she wont talk to me. or anyone. all she's ever said is freeya vidu. love her!

5. chamko rani: i love how random her blog is. also how bugglegummy [in a good way] and colourful.

on this joyous occasion that is hort dina i would like to present you all with a custom made flat bouquet.

p.s. feel free to use the comment space below to profess your loww for other bloggers or any other random person noone's heard of and happy hort dina from disco, obama and me.

alright, we had promised to write a nice long scandalous post about dp and then we got lazy. so here. for you, with love.

FACT

1. i have survived a serious paper cut* [as serious as paper cuts can get] and am sporting a spongebob square pants band aid. [only because i ran out of winnie the pooh band aids]

2. the new kid is hovering and it's driving me crazy. we all know how much i hate hovering. plus i'm not particularly fond of experiencing other people's breath.

3. it poured for a good thirty minutes this afternoon. major dramatic downpour. then it stopped. not a drop since. if i'm going to have frizzy hair all day i would like it to rain all day damn it!

4. mother and brother have left for LA which means i should have the house to myself for the entire week, unless gaysin and his mother decide to drop in sporadically to make sure i haven't been murdered.

5. they're making people wear red to work this thursday for hort-dina. i told them it was against my culture. they're not buying it.

* these paper cuts, they're some type of american phenomena right? i have never experienced a paper cut in india. ever!

Disco di behen

unlimited internet that doesn't cut into my minutes - bliss!!

two sixteen year olds

one really old lift

nervous banter on the way up

a visit to the card shop to delay the process

mission accomplised [sort of] on the way down

whispered telephone conversations into the night analysing the event

overheard at the office: "hey r, since you seem to know so much about this stuff ... ummm do you think i could get my voter registration card even though there might be a warrant out for my arrest?"

THAT and there have been rat rumours on the second floor.

i am so quitting. once i have googled advertising enough number of times.

in other news my brother arrived from india this saturday. dude the airport here is humongous. not very pretty but big. mother took her camera [formerly my camera] to take pictures near the big fountain. upon reaching the airport she was very upset to find no fountain. only chairs. the Denver airport had a fountain. it was a good picture taking place. like backdrop wise. usually all the people in the pictures look tired and cranky. this doesn't stop mother. she was mad at me because i didnt dress up enough for the photos. then she saw my brother and almost fainted. the boy looked like he had just escaped from central jail. dirty jeans, faded yellow t shirt. very interesting pictures we shall have, which of course she will send to EVERYONE we know. anyway brother is one of those super sweet considerate selfless people. there's only one of those in our family. like, he'll run and help with the bags or offer to do everything. i'm not being a bitch. im just saying he's doing all of these things. wonderful it is. ahem. mother of course wept at the airport. not as much as i had anticipated but enough to create a scene. not an unfamiliar scene because damn that airport is desi!! there were like 5 white people. i counted. i enjoyed watching the fashion. from the early nineties. i enjoyed the emotions and the lack of physical contact. i enjoyed the languages and the accents. also the luggage. dear god the luggage. upon reaching the house brother wanted to unpack. mother was like noooooooooooooo. sit sit. eat eat. you have become so thin. fact. again, only one of us in the family. then gaysin discovered his jodhpur chappals in the suitcase. very excited he was. he promptly tried them on [with socks] and modeled for us on his tippy toes. mother tried to steal my nivea deodorant bottles. i ran and hid them at once. then we looked at pictures of brother's African girlfriends. the boy taught there for a couple of years and apparently was quite a hit with the women. no fucking idea why. then we all ate some terribly insipid food my aunt had made and watched cnn until gaysin and aunt was bored enough to leave. i love cnn. then mother talked and talked and talked. its been 4 days. still talking. this is why it's good to have a sibling. or two. to share the damn task of listening to your mother talk.

in weather news it's been weirdly summery this week. i realise it's houston but it's still feb. last night i decided i would wear a skirt to work today so i shaved my legs and then when i was all done it started to rain. like pour. for hours. and this morning was freezing cold but damn it i didnt want to waste the legs so i wore the skirt anyway. its my new favourite office-slut skirt. im not the office slut. if anything i'm the front runner for office nun but the skirt's adorably office-slutt y.

okay i gotto run. im on my lunch break.

random desi video for your viewing pleasure [starring the very cute tarun shetty - if only he'd cut back on the surma]

watch out for restaurant owner guy who "vil yeat also his lamb chaaps preferably with yice cream and carott alva"

disco's big announcement

all his life [and in all of his lives] disco has been on the lookout for a leader who inspires people. and fish.

disco thinks he has finally found that leader. and no it is not the lady with the scary laugh. that laugh has triggered many an accident in his little box home, sometimes injuring his plant friends.

neither is it really old guy cause well he's on the wrong side. also he's really old. disco totally cracked up when another really old guy - chuck norris called the other dude old, especially since chuck norris kinda looks like early man. you know from earth science books. not to be mistaken for the cave man from geico commercials. or the cave man show. seriously everyone has their own tv show.

disco watched last night's debate with great interest. his heart was filled with warmth when stevie wonder stood up [facing the right direction and all mind you] and cheered for disco's favourite candidate.

disco hereby endorses senator barrack obama for president of whatever country his mommy lives in right now.

yes we can!!

yes we can!!!!

YES WE CAN!!!!!!!!!!